party hard

probably the constant reminders that throughout time and regardless of time, place, language, religion, ideology, system of governance or dominant school of thought, people remain fundamentally people

like i know that sounds really glib but it’s like - when i was doing this after alexander course last year, right, we looked at this thing called the zenon papyri, a huge stash of administrative documents from greek-ruled egypt addressed to an official called zenon, which was preserved because the winds changed and the building they were kept in was buried under a massive sand dune. and there’s one which we called the krotos papyri, which is a letter from a native egyptian writing to zenon telling him how he had been mistreated by greeks, who laugh at him because he doesn’t know how to “act like a greek” and call him a barbarian and refuse to pay him his proper wages. which is very familiar. and when you look at the actual papyrus fragment, the writing at the top is big and clear and spaced-out, but as it gets towards the bottom of the page it gets smaller and more cramped and the lines are all squint, because this nameless egyptian guy who does something with camels in the 250s BC hadn’t worked out how long his letter was going to be and he’s realised halfway through that he’s going to run out of space

and in first year i went on this trip to hadrian’s wall, and it started snowing while we were standing on it and the wind was blowing a gale right into our faces, and afterwards we heard a lecture about the vindolanda tablets, and there’s one, tablet 346, a letter to a soldier stationed there - and the soldiers stationed there could come from anywhere in the empire, rome or egypt or north africa, hot places, basically, and the wall is fucking cold - which is maybe from his wife or mother or sister, which reads as follows:

“… I have sent (?) you … pairs of socks from Sattua, two pairs of sandals and two pairs of underpants, two pairs of sandals … Greet …ndes, Elpis, Iu…, …enus, Tetricus and all your messmates with whom I pray that you live in the greatest good fortune.“  

Aries: Likes hair pulling, hickeys, spanking, angry sex, likes to dominate and be dominated, enjoys being slapped, and roughness. 

Taurus: Likes being tied up, spanked, is usually submissive, into bdsm, exhibitionism, and lowkey daddy kink.

Gemini: Likes shoulder and neck kisses, public sex, shower sex, enjoys stroking of the inner thigh, also into bondage and choking. 

Cancer: Likes thigh grabbing, body stroking, neck and collarbone kisses, being choked, soft moans, and wandering hands. 

Leo: Enjoys being teased, thigh and neck kisses, is usually submissive but likes to take control once in a while, likes ass grabbing, and likes teasing. 

Virgo: Is submissive, likes being held down, neck kisses, likes being pushed against a wall, also likes hickeys, and shoulder kisses. 

Libra: Likes spanking, choking, biting, bondage, hickeys, roleplaying, bdsm, pet names, also likes to dominate on occasions. 

Scorpio: Likes soft kissing, light skin touches, is usually submissive, probably has a daddy kink, likes being taken care of and enjoys shower sex.

Sagittarius: Enjoys the moaning of their partners, being pushed against a wall, likes biting, and spanking, enjoys being dominated but casually likes to switch it up. 

Capricorn: Likes to dominate, enjoys being choked, is into foreplay, bdsm, biting, likes being chased, and may also on some occasions want to be dominated.

Aquarius: Enjoys bondage, likes biting and marking, spanking, bdsm, neck kisses, ass grabbing and rough sex. 

All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack.

This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth?

The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.

At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours.

Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.

But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting.

The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate.

They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole.

here are some actual canon drama queen sirius moments (note that some of these are also actually just very sad):

i’m on the run but here let me send letters to really obvious locations, like where harry potter is and where remus lupin lives (probably), using enormous tropical non-native birds

i promise i’m innocent but i’m going to drag your best friend past this tree that punches people and accidentally break his leg and then when you all follow him i will explain NOTHING until forced to by remus lupin. explanation time? no. HUG TIME

harry needs help? i am on my way, i will live in this cave and eat rats with my hippogriff, no there is no other option

god rest ye merry hippogriffs

literally any interaction with molly weasley, ever

girl look at me during exams? nO I AM FLIPPING MY HAIR AT REMUS LEAVE ME ALONE, did u like question 10 moony

here are some I made up but believe are fully plausible:

the inevitability of sirius threatening to never speak to anyone ever again whenever he fights with james or remus

“don’t touch my FUCKING hair”

flouncing from the room in a huff whenever marauder’s map planning wasn’t going smoothly

fury about snape getting a better grade than him in potions for d a y s 

“I told you NOT TO TOUCH MY FUCKING HAIR”

younger sirius starts a lot of angry sentences “I cannot BELIEVE that” or “I am just in AWE of” totally sarcastically

“james you clearly don’t care about me AT ALL”

every even minor illness resulting in him whimpering in a ball on his bed, begging somebody to get him a cold wash cloth or a hot cup of tea, soothed only by remus sitting there and gently petting him

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME OR MY PAIN”

grandiose gifts that are not necessarily physical objects but things like filling the dorm room with enchanted rose petals that sing love songs at james on valentine’s day and charming the inside of Remus’ four-poster to look like his ideal reading nook for two hours so that he can have some peace and quiet during finals 

and sirius is obviously the king of dramatic entrances. he comes down to breakfast and whips his robes around and is like, “pass the sausages” very gravely. he saunters into transfiguration class ten minutes late just as frank longbottom accidentally blows something up. he enters the quidditch pitch by standing on his broom and bowing. he and remus have the dorm room all to themselves one weekend and when remus leaves for ten seconds and comes back in he’s pin-up posing on the bed naked.

but i also think he does this to be funny sometimes, such as:

literally descending from the ceiling in a cloud of mist into mcgonagall’s classroom

perfecting his ability to whip his hair around and gasp simultaneously in a rage like a thwarted soap opera villain

perfecting the ability to magically instantaneously grow a handlebar mustache that he can then twirl while remus describes prank plans

performing spells with a truly unnecessary amount of flourishing during practical lessons or demonstrations

“how DARE you reach across me to get a biscuit, peter. how DARE. YOU.”