Gwen, Where's The Ranch?

there desperately needs to be a separate option to report ads for hijacking your touch screen or automatically launching your browser/app store the moment you scroll past it. "malicious" is not a strong enough word. i need the "go fuck yourself and die in a pit of boiling acid x10000" option

Unoriginal sin. Derivative sin

you can't say "hey has anyone noticed that M/M fic outnumbers F/F like 100:1” or “it feels racist that only 3/202 characters on the ao3 top 100 ships list are Black and two of them are Alastor HazbinHotel” bc some ppl will start going like “oh so you think we should FORCE people to write about things they DON’T CARE ABOUT for WOKE????” and you’ll be like “no, i’m pointing out that the conditions that created this disparity are informed by racism & misogyny” and ppl will say “it’s not BIGOTED to only care about WHITE MEN” and then the gargoyle king appears

Hanging out with people will make you remember you're the crazy woke friend for like. not wanting to shop at shien

hey don't cry. on december 3, 1926, agatha christie went missing for eleven days and because the uk police didn't know what to do they recruited sir arthur conan doyle, creator of master detective sherlock holmes, but all he did was conduct a séance to try and contact her distressed spirit

This makes me laugh literally every time I watch it, it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

you could follow the genuinely funny poster who is going to be gone in 6 months, or you could follow me, the mediocre-to-okayish poster who's been on tumblr for 11.5 years and will be here until the flames finally reach and destroy the data center with our precious memories

As someone who grew up in the heyday of D.A.R.E. and anti-drug PSAs on TV, it genuinely has this weird peer pressure vibe. Not like the subtle ways actual peer pressure can function in real life, but like the blatantly obvious depictions of kids who were trying to convince you to do drugs or drink alcohol or whatever. "You should try it! All the cool kids are doing it!" "If you don't, everyone will know you're a loser."

"It doesn't help your credibility to exaggerate, most employers wouldn't literally work you to death" like, I used to work in distribution. If booking a truck driver for back to back shifts until they fall asleep at the wheel, crash, and die counts as being worked to death, I have personally met employers who've worked employees to death and gotten away with a slap on the wrist. It may not be universal, but it's a hell of a lot more common than a lot of us would prefer to think.

The FAA had to explicitly make rules about how long pilots have to have off between shifts, and how far away from their home you can pin their home airport, because it doesn't mean shit that someone has 10 hours between shifts if they have a 2 hour commute each way. They had to make these rules because multiple passenger airplanes crashed because the pilots were exhausted from tight scheduling. Employers won't just work you to death, they'll take a hundred random customers with you.

my neighbour stopped me when I was taking out my recycling, and said "when I park in front of your driveway and block it, and you leave a note on my car that reads 'please don't block my driveway', it makes me really mad." and I was just nodding like oh okay. yeah? huh.

he brought up that I should feel indebted to him bc he ‘cleared my driveway’ with his leaf blower, but what actually happened is that he gathered every leaf from both of our properties and piled it in a calf-high mass at the bottom of my front steps, which I had to wade through to exit my house. I genuinely thought he did this as a calculated attack. it did not occur to me that it was a good deed.

there has been some change in behaviour for the positive, though. like he hasn’t parked in front of my driveway lately, which is nice. and he stopped banging on my windows when I asked him not to. and he doesn’t go in my backyard anymore because I said “please stop doing that” and he said “I don’t do that,” and I said “I was literally watching you,” and he said “I only wanted to look over the fence into the other neighbour’s yard.” and he’s stopped going on to my porch at night to borrow my shovel (mainly because he broke the shovel and threw the pieces into my backyard), and he hasn’t taken my ornamental chicken statue and placed it in his garden again because I said “please don’t steal my chicken statue I can literally see it in your garden”. and he also hasn’t broken my recycling bin again, presumably because the lid can’t split in two any further. so we’ve had some positive improvements.

important context to this is that the guy yells at his wife a lot, and yells at the female tenants living in his basement, and because he perceives me as a woman, I am slotted into the 'should cower in fear of his testicles' category. but I'm also 6'2 and constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown, so I can't really manage more than a dead-eyed stare when he tries this. just standing out there in my house slippers going "oh okay" until he pauses long enough for me to slip in a firm "but please don't bang on my windows anymore."

Yeah running water is cool but uuh. You do know that if you use it to pour enough water into a container you can put your head in it and drown and DIE??? Yeah this is crazy and evil and sad. What if a kid does that. This is why I propose the idea to make it so people pay 200000$ every time they use the sink!!! This is because no child has that much money so they are physically unable to harm themselves <3 Wdym this is insane and we shouldn't be paying 200000$ just to get a glass of water. There are no ulterior motives. No it's not about taking your money. This is for child safety. Don't you want children to be safe??? You evil sicko freak. What's wrong with you for thinking this is wrong and won't work.

i really hate the way the "boobs vs butt" thing got broken down into this implicit idea that butt is the nobler stance. it's really stupid. personally im a woman guy. [realizes how that sounds] [purses my lips in thought] [nods confidently] im a woman guy