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god, i feel like i do need to recap my last few weeks for you guys, because it’s been. just ridiculous, i think is the only word, at this point, it’s ridiculous
so, the brief overview: halfway through may i had a really not fun reaction to some new meds, and then an even less fun reaction to coming off them, on top of my existing symptoms staying unaffected and in fact just Continuing to get worse, For Fun, got mild alcohol poisoning i think(?), and then at some point in the midst of all that i caught some sort of unrelated mystery stomach bug. and then i knocked something in my spine out of place. i’m just on a roll man, i’m crushing it, truly, who is doing it like me?
i’m being so for real there was like. a ten day streak where shit just kept happening and i kept thinking Ah. So This Is It. This Is How It Ends For Moth, and nowww thank god i can look back and poke fun at how dramatic that was, in fact i think i have to, it’s really the only thing i can do, but good LORD. i mean you just have to laugh, really, what else can you do??
PRIDE MONTH……. ouhh god honestly, i. totally forgot,,, that was coming, that it’s Now, Actually, It’s Today, It’s Day One Of Being Gay, fuuuuck how has so much time passed already??? oh god!!
i need to be so real with you guys, the last two weeks have been. Such an insane blur, i honestly did not think the evil hell ride would ever let me off, but jesus, wow, okay, yeah i think i’m back on earth now, i think i’m here and it’s june, what the hell, you’re kidding. i gotta draw boys kissing or something, oh fuck me, really, june!!
guys i’ll be so real i had a kinda catastrophic day today, i spent most of it at urgent care, i’m already starting to block out the memories but i Do know that on the way there I looked out the car window and thought, ‘yknow, i need to make leon more of a bug freak. why didn’t i ever do that? how could i miss it, my god, it’s right there! he’s a bug freak!’ and i think that was a message from god. i believe that. he said that and he was right as FUCK
most tragic thing about wanting to see more stuff of your oc is that the c is o and YOU have to make the stuff. devastating. why can’t art of my beautiful baby just appear in my hands. just materialize under my pillow, like from the tooth fairy
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i’ve been trying to draw my ocs again for the first time in. months, i think, at this point? and well, it definitely looks like all my hemming and hawing and back and forth-ing and terminal indecision about if i should update their designs has been decided for me, now :,] because i. actually don’t remember how to draw them at all, wow, it’s like i don’t understand what any of these these shapes are or how they’re supposed to connect, it’s crazy
oh god I forgot MOTH ITS MALL KITTEN BDAYS!!! Ignore that I’ve been yapping sr you about this in DMs… ITS PHOTO TIME!!! -kitten anon
YESSSSS AHAHA I’VE JUST BEEN WAITING TO ANNOUNCE THIS, BUT GUYS!!!! IT’S MALL KITTEN DAY!!!!! officially one year since these little guys entered the world and began stealing hearts……… especially mine :c
these tiny babies were Truly what made last summer such a joy, i can’t believe it’s really been a full year since then, wow, happy birthday mall kittens, ily <3
Figured it was finally time to quit procrastinating and just send the photos through lolz. I was originally gonna try and do Leon's while entire outfit, but maybe I will in the future since I do kind of have all the items needed (just that my jeans and sneakers aren't the right colour, and I don't have a good choker </3) and send a lil doodle with it. I'm pretty proud of it, tho I did make the sleeves a bit too long accidentally ;-;
Anyways, Leon sweater be upon ye
OH MY GOD???? THIS IS SO COOL, HOLY SHIT, DUUUUUDE IT LOOKS SO FREAKING GOOD!!!!!!!! and so cozy??? oh i hope it’s as cozy as it looks
man, honestly, i just. keep staring at this, like wth, that’s kind of insane, right??? that someone looked at my silly imaginary guy and felt inspired to make actual, real clothes??? like. functional human clothes??? from scratch????? idk maybe i’m just being crazy here but i’m almost having trouble getting my head around it, that’s so impressive, you should be proud as fuck, holy shit
aa i feel like i have so many asks and dms i need to reply to, but this week just ended up being so much more overwhelming than i expected, and i honestly really hate blasting a statement like this instead of just. you know. Actually Replying To Those Things? just. Fixing The Problem? Cos It Should Be Super Easy? but i’m a bit at my wits end, and just wanna say i’m so sorry if you haven’t heard from me lately, i SWEAR i’m going to try as hard as i can to get my digital life back on track this weekend!! transitioning out of inpatient just,, wasn’t able to go as smoothly as i’d hoped, it actually left me with a whole lot of work to do, and i’ve been having to play phone and email tag with so many hospitals and psych offices this week that i just haven’t been able to do much else ;_;
i really wish i was better at navigating this, but admittedly, this is,, kinda my first time in this situation, and it wasn’t one i saw coming at all, so just know i owe you guys the BIGGEST thank you for all your patience and understanding while i figure this all out, especially anyone waiting on comm updates from me, i’m incredibly grateful and i’ll do whatever i can to make it up to you
in case anyone was wondering how i’m doing on my first weekend post-hospitalization, i’m currently trying really hard not to cry thinking about my old manager teaching me how to navigate and organize all our digital records on the front desk computers. she’d always point at the tiny folder icons my eyes kept skipping over and tell me to ‘go to the carpet.’ it was one of the first words i recognized without thinking, and i felt so absurdly happy about that. it was so stupid. god, was i a dummy there. and she was still always so patient with me, always praising me and thanking me for doing the most basic tasks, calling me her angel. i miss her. i miss so many people from that office, all the time now, i really do. i miss them a lot
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do you think it was ever kinda awkward being in those early 2000’s emo bands, showing up to rehearsal every week with your main songwriter like “hey guys, check out these new lyrics, what do you think? :D” and you’ve just gotta be like, “aw yeah this sounds great man, this is gonna be so sick on the album, hey, uh…. so, you don’t like, need a wellness check, though, right? or….……”
do you think it was ever kinda awkward being in those early 2000’s emo bands, showing up to rehearsal every week with your main songwriter like “hey guys, check out these new lyrics, what do you think? :D” and you’ve just gotta be like, “aw yeah this sounds great man, this is gonna be so sick on the album, hey, uh…. so, you don’t like, need a wellness check, though, right? or….……”
honestly, i’m feeling way better now that i’m back home!! i can’t even tell you how much i missed. like. everything, actually, oh my god, literally everything, like clean clothes, and blankets, and stuffed animals, and the concept of silence, and my CAT, ohhhh god i missed my cat!!!
top ten most beautiful pictures in the world right here, it’s enough to make me cry :,]
okay this is just an organizational thing, but people have suggested i upload my ocs to toyhouse to make them easy to view n stuff, but the more i look into it the more i find out how fucking WEIRD th is about character-based-characters, to the point some mods will ban any and all ocs they suspect of being cbcs on a whim, so i need you guys to be super honest……
HOW obvious is it my ocs are cbcs? cos i feel like they’re very different once you get to know them, but a lot of their superficial traits are still super easy to connect dots to…………….. i just don’t want any trouble, man, maybe i should just start looking into unvale as an alternative………………… hmmmmmm
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a lil ko-fi drabble for @comfymoth of their ocs + hurt/comfort + monsters. this goes out to my fellow quinn-leon fans <3 (requests for doodles & drabbles are open if you're interested).
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The cuts on her leg aren’t that deep, but the way Leon’s been fretting over them with antiseptic, cursing, and gauze, you’d think Quinn’s lost a whole damn limb.
“You’ve used an entire tube of Neosporin,” she tells him, wiggling her toes in his face to get his attention. “I think that’s as good as it’s going to get.”
She’s not really sure Neosporin is much use against whatever freaky bacteria lives on monster claws, but still.
He doesn’t answer, doesn’t even look at her, just keeps fussing at it, dabbing here, smoothing there, his shoulders and the tense line of his neck all she has to go off of.
“Leon,” Quinn tries. “Hey, it’s not that bad. It doesn’t even hurt, honest.”
“What if it is?” he asks, looking up at her at last. His eyes are red with unshed tears. His fingers are white and trembling around her ankle.
“Leon—“
“We don’t know what the fuck that thing was,” he says, and it sounds like he’s trying for angry, but mostly he just sounds scared. “What if— I mean, it looked like—“
She waits.
Leon takes a deep and shuddering breath. In a very small voice, he says, “What if you…what if something happens to you? What if you turn— into something?”
“Like a monster?” she asks, unimpressed, and Leon looks away, caught somewhere between embarrassed and sincerely worried. It’s sweet. “That’d be pretty sick.”
“Quinn!”
She gently tugs her foot from his grasp and prods at his chest until he looks at her. Once he finally meets her eyes, she says, “First, you’ve watched every werewolf movie ever made. If I turned into one, you’d handle it. Second, you can’t tell me you don’t think having a werewolf for a best friend doesn’t sound awesome.”
(He snorts at this, though it still sounds shaky.)
“Third,” Quinn continues, blowing a weft of hair from her eyes, “it clawed me, dude, not bit. Who ever heard of claws turning you into a werewolf?” When he opens his mouth, she adds, “Teen Wolf doesn’t count and you know it. And fourth, you know what?”
He’s properly smiling now, small as it is, and rolling his eyes as he asks, “What?”
“If I were a monster, I’d be your monster, and I think that sounds all right to me. Okay?”
Leon shakes his head as he reaches for the roll of gauze beside them on the bathroom tile, but he’s still smiling as he says, “Yeah, Quinn. Okay.”
I'm not sure if this helps but there was a time that it felt so hard to make myself draw, I wanted to but I couldn't bring myself to
Well, given I wasn't in an exactly good state of mind, it may have also been burn out, so yeah I spent quite a time without drawing
It did go away but it was so bad to the point I still get surprised with myself on having the motivation to draw years after it happened, but it was a really hard time yknow because I enjoy drawing and there's something so sad about not being able to do something you enjoy doing. But sometimes we need a break too, I've got that advice from artist friend about art nlock that what you need sometimes it's a break so your brain can get a little rest and go back to it, sometimes that may take a while and you ar entre sure when you'll be a le to draw again, but you will be
I think I understand the feeling of just not being able to more than I wanted to, but I hope that can at least serve as a little reminder?
But well, we can imagine Milo in a cute little dress together in the meanwhe<3
i really hope that’s all it is! i think my fear is just that, this doesn’t feel like it’s just a mental block, i really, really don’t know how to explain it without sounding crazy or dramatic or scaring myself, but something just feels… physically wrong. i don’t know. maybe it is just normal burnout, but it feels worse because of my health stress, if that makes sense? i hope that’s all it is. it’s just kinda hard, not having an answer right now.
hopefully it passes, though. or at least I figure out how to work through it. cos i’d really, really like to draw milo in cute dresses again ú_ù well, at least we can picture it for now!
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