*carps your diem*

time is a flat iron and brother i’m getting smooth as fuck

time is a curling iron and brother i'm all twisted up

Time is a flat iron, smooth as fuck Time is a curler, twisted up Time is an updo, pinned and tucked Time is a weave-in, stitched and stuck Time is organic, shaped by luck Time is a construct Monster truck

the youtube notification of ''ooohh your video isn't starting up smoothly???? turn off your ad blocker you cunt <3'' is so pathetic to me bc it takes five seconds max. you think i can't wait five seconds? you think i need to give you money because five seconds is too long? i pity your wife.

Until death, all defeat is psychological.

*trying to say i enjoyed something* this thing made me feel sick and made me writhe around on the floor

anyway. last night I had a dream that my local lesbian bar was hosting a “motionless dance party”. it was sort of like the inverse of a silent disco—the music is playing out loud but you’re doing all the dancing inside your own head. it was really successful like a lot of lesbians showed up to stand perfectly still in a room together and imagine what dancing would be like.

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

i fucking love when halloween music is just surf rock with a ghoul laughing in the background

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.