fortnite is fun you guys are just mean

…for the fanfic writers and fanartists. Because I’ve seen some works that make me scratch my head sometimes. 

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or any kind of physician. Take everything with scepticism and if there’s any doctor or knowledgable of head anatomy, go ahead and correct me.

INB4 “IT’S BLIZZARD, IT’S RULE OF COOL OVER LOGIC AND SCIENCE, YOU’RE OVERTHINKING THIS!”

Go suck your egg, youngling. Figuring out stuff like these is what fandom is about. If you don’t like it, shoo. 

Without further ado, let’s touch upon the three things that every Genji writer or fanartist has wondered when writing or drawing this darling greek cyborg sparrow-ninja. And not only. 

1. Genji actually wears armor. The silver plates are not supposed to be permanent on him and he can survive without them.

In the picture where he’s a newcomer in Overwatch along with Lena, Winston and (maybe?) Jesse, Genji has no metal on him except on his head:

(he smol)

Compared with his usual appearence…

Genji lacks the metal plates on his arms and his (rather tight) shirt doesn’t show that the ones on his pectoralis. However, he does have the ones on his collarbone, which is weird, since he lacks the ones on his nech and shoulders, which are attached to his collarbone ones. The back of his hands are different as well. 

What is more, moving lower on his body (mind off the gutter, pervs!), the round illuminating buttons on his abdominals seem to be missing as well.

So, arm, neck, chest and stomach metal plates are his armour, rather than a permanent part of his cyborg body. The collarbone ones, however, are.

Then, we have puffy pants for some reason (more on this later), but they end right at the knee and we can see that the plates under the knee are there normally. However, there’s a catch: The picture it too dark, but his lower legs seem too dark to be the metal plates we see in the second picture, especially if he consider that they have a lighter colour than his synthetic flesh, yet they look darker. 

So, even if they’re not these particular plates on his legs, he still wears something there. 

So, if you ever want to write Genji finding/having his sense of touch, it should return to that brown artificial tissue that looks like naked muscles, rather than on the silver plates of his body; that’s his armour and we can see that yes, he can take it off. 

2. Genji has no hair on his head whatsoever, including facial hair and most probably, not even a lower jaw.

That’s one of the big debates about Genji’s appearance: what does his face look like?

The only clue we have is from the Dragons animated short:

Again, comparing this with his younger skin…

We see no eyelashes in the upper picture and they’d be really hard to miss, as we see in the lower one. (Damn, he rocks that mascara!) 

Also, we see no eyebrows and he used to have some seriously strong eyebrow game there. 

It’s safe to assume that the lack of any facial hair, along with the marks and scars on his facial tissue mean that Genji was probably burnt enough to have his hair roots removed for good, thus leaving him bald all around his head. 

(jfc)

And now the other big question: does he have a mouth?

Now, Genji as a cyborg can obviously talk normally. For this to happen, he needs not only a mouth with lips, but also teeth, tongue, alveolar ridge, hard palate, velum (soft palate), uvula, glottis and of course vocal cords. Also, lungs, so that he can give out air to produce sound. 

Regarding the upper organs, it’s safe to assume he still has them, along with his upper face. 

The lower, however, tells a different story:

He doesn’t seem to have any vocal cords that could help him produce the vowels correcty; the place seems synthetic. Now, he could have the cords inside, supported by synthetic flesh, or he could have gotten synthetic cords as well. The latter would mean that Genji could not talk normally for a period of time. 

Also, looking again at the shot of his face from Dragons and comparing it to his younger skin…

…we see that Genji used to have a rather big jaw and the plates right now are too high to just cover the lower part of it.

What makes more sense is that Genji has no lower jaw, hence why the facial plates are so high and close to his cheekbones and eyes:

(please, excuse my shitty lines; I have only my mouse with me)

So, since he has no lower jaw, he ought to have no togue, since the tongue is rooted to the lower jaw. No lower teeth, either.

How could he speak, then?

Blizzard was crafty and made sure not to let Genji talk at all in the animated short while he had the mask off; he starts talking again only after he has put it back. So, while we know that he has a metallic voice with the mask on, we don’t know if the metallic effect was because of the mask, or any kind of artificial vocal cords that give it to his voice.

So, no lower lip to kiss either. Darn it.

To illustrate my point, I see Genji like a cross between these two:

Raiden, as we’ve seen him without a lower jaw in Metal Gear: Rising Revengance…

And Murphy, the well-known Robocop with no hair whatsoever.

(…what a roadkill.)

This fanart by @ninjasexrobot is what I think Genji looks like.

…pretty.

(not)

Also, I think he has no ears either. It would make sense that they had melted off, givel how burnt the rest of his face looks like.

Weirdly enough, he seems to have a properly shaped nose. Things to ponder.

(oh and to clear this up: no dick)

And now, last but not least, all the above bring me to my biggest question:

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOUR BROTHER, HANZO???????

 Unless Genji’s body is a result of him agreeing to actually get rid of almost all of his body to become a badass cyborg ninja (and I simply can’t see him agreeing to throw away his fucking vocal cords ffs!), it’s either:

Hanzo actually did all of this. Not only did he cut him down, he pulled the dragons on him and opened him from jaw to belly. We know that Hanzo had used the sword to cut him; the fuck the dragons were for?!

Hanzo might have just cut him enought to cause sever bleeding and leave him for dead and Genji was left dying for a long time before the Overwatch agents found him and Angela saved him. His body had started deteriorating and Angela had to cut off the pieces that had rotten away in order to save at least his brain.

Either way, JUST WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR BROTHER, HANZO?????

The official story for Genji says this: 

“As Genji’s injuries left him clinging to life, Overwatch offered to rebuild his body in exchange for his help.”

In other words, what caused Genji to be on the verge of death and needing to have his body turned cybernetic, was his injuries. Which Hanzo inflicted on him.

…the fuck, Hanzo.

This fucking guy. I had forgotten about this fucking guy.

First of all, “Estormo?” “Estormo the Lightning Mage?” Surely that’s an ancient Ehlnofex name of grand esteem! Fucking “Estormo.” If he had been a fire mage, he’d be, what? “Eferno?”

…Actually, “Eferno” is kind of cool. “Estormo” is NOT.

And let me try to figure this out. Ancano finds out I’m going to Old Bromjunaar to get the Staff of Magnus from Morokei, who they KNOW has awoken like the other dragon priests, raising a horde of ethereal draugr slaves and setting up magical traps all through Labyrinthian. They also know by now that I’m the Dragonborn, because of that time I ABSORBED A DRAGON’S SOUL IN THE COURTYARD OF THE COLLEGE.

I’m the Chosen One, out to claim one of the most powerful artifacts in all Tamriel from a demi-litch, and Ancano is apparently like, “Well, okay, he might survive that. But if he does, HE SHALL BE NO MATCH FOR ESTORMO!”

Look, Ancano. It’s real cute you have faith in your boyfriend like that. But he’s a dude in a black robe who shoots lightning from his hands. I thu'umed him up against a wall and face-changed him with three hits from a frost mace.

Granted, I guess Ancano’s relative sense of Thalmor “might” is fundamentally screwed up, because when I actually show up with the Staff and start shooting the Eye with it, he seems genuinely amazed that his stupid plan of “shoot ball with lightning, see what happens” is now failing.

I guess when you’re raised constantly hearing how “superior” your race is, it never occurs to you that MAYBE your stupid level 4 destruction spells are exactly as shitty as anyone else’s stupid level 4 destruction spells.

Either way, I would think Ancano would have realized that if a guy is a lightning mage who named himself Estormo, he’s got to be a fucking idiot who is DESTINED to fail hilariously.