Not all those who wander are lost

the death of dvds is so fucked. what about bonus features

far far away idol would never happen now

uh, source?

I hate calling in sick I don't want to inform anyone about my abnormal bowel movements

I love it. I call them up and say hey bossman I'm camped out on the shitter today yeehaw

you are so beautiful in every way

We will get married on a windswept cliff and the dinner will be easily digestible

remember when you were 10 and you would hang out with your friends in order to Look At The Computer together like you went to their house and experienced the information superhighway together. and then leave

How fucking old are you people?

normal amount

nothing more disappointing than a shower with low water pressure. i don't want to feel like a wet sad beast left out in the rain i want to be power washed.

sometimes i drink coffee in the hopes it will make me more productive but it just makes me more unproductive faster

Women be treating themselves to Special Coffee Drinks to motivate themselves to accomplish tedious errands

Sadly special coffee drinks don’t motivate me so my husband and I came up with Shrimp Points. We organized our Tasks and daily chores and stuff that’s been hanging over our heads and assigned various amounts of Shrimp Points to each item, and once we get to 1000 points we get to get neocardinia aquarium shrimp as pets. 

free to play lifestyle

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.