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me sowing: haha this would be funny, to put a real situation i am in as a question for my favorite guys to answer
me reaping: oh my god help me
anyways here are the beautiful poly bounties of my birthday party question. my favorite birthday present ever. (LONG) transcript under cut.
Sam: Okay we have time for maybe two more.
Ben: Okay.
S: Do you have any favorites?
B: I like the ones that are like little stories.
Adam: Yeah, there's two that are like stories.
S: This one I haven't read through fully? D'you see the joeysnowy one? Do we do that one? I haven't read through it fully.
A: Yeah, this one's crazy.
S: (reading) "Okay, real and true life happenings," from joeysnowy, "My roommate and I are planning a joint birthday party this upcoming weekend wherein they are inviting almost everyone in their current dating setup to the party. This includes: their current girlfriend, their girlfriend's situationship--" What?? (hesitating) "their own, current situationship--"
A: Keep going, keep going.
B: There's more.
S: (giggling) "--and their situationship's fiancée. Of course, everyone here is aware of each other, and ready--" I assume, ex-situationship, right? Surely.
A: Nope, nope, keep going.
B: No, no.
S: What?!
A: Keep going.
S: (reading) "Everyone here is aware of each other, and ready to hang out fully--" (laughing) No-- It's another polyamory question--!
A: Yup, yup, keep going, keep going!
S: Okay. (laughs) Okay. "Of note, everyone here is aware of each other, and ready to hang out fully amicably, so it's not like a crazy cheating situation-- this is a full honest kitchen table polyamory. However, it's my birthday too!" (giggling) "And I'm feeling--" (wheeze) "And I'm feeling a little left out of the poly shenanigans, polynanigans?" in parentheses, "What's the best way to ensure I also have a good time at my own birthday party without feeling overshadowed by lovers everywhere?"
B: It's a difficult one.
A: Yep.
S: I don't-- think, as far as I know, any of us are very experienced in the intricacies of polyamorous relationships.
B: No…
A: No, but I think that we can answer this, just as, you know, people, doing our best. Um…
B: Well because, the person who's asking is not polyamorous. They're just surrounded.
A: Yeah, the person who's asking is just surrounded by this polyamory, right. So they have to figure out what to do.
S: Wait, so you think the question asker is not-- polyamorous at all?
B: Well, it's not implied.
A: They don't mention being polyamorous. The question asker is just roommates, and the roommate has all of this polyamory going on. Right?
B: Yeah.
A: And so the question asker is like, "I'm having a joint birthday party with my roommate, my roommate is bringing a very complex mix of polyamorous… people. Who are all connected to each other. And then also I'll be there.
S: I feel like the answer is fairly obvious, I think. Which is that the question asker needs to become polyamorous.
A: I think the question asker need to hook up with at least one of these people.
S: Right, yeah.
A: Get in the mix.
S: I mean maybe it's fine, to do it in like a monogamous way. I don't know the question asker's, kind of relationship status. But yes, I agree.
B: I mean I would feel pretty left out if this was my birthday party. See, but the problem is-- I actually, y'know, in college, I was surrounded by the good students of the Rhode Island School of Design, many of whom are in polycules. I had many a birthday full of polyamorous… lovers.
A: Here you go, okay, Ben, well, you've got it. You've got it. Answer!
B: I did! But, but. I don't know that I felt left out because they weren't all part of the same polycule. Right? Like, I think that's the thing. There's this whole group of people that's all got their thing going on! And you're just not a part of that group. Right?
A: Well, this person didn't specify-- hopefully there are other people invited to your birthday party, that isn't just your roommate, and all of your roommate's polyamorous friends. Would be my hope.
B: I think that is the key.
A: Like, ideally you can get a few people in there who aren't part of the polycule. Right.
B: Yeah. I mean maybe you just don't have that much room in your apartment, but frankly, if you don't have that much room in your apartment for you to have an equal number of people coming to this party, then that is simply not fair. And I think your roommate, despite their polyamorous ties, must not be able to bring all of these people. Or you have to find a different venue that can accommodate enough of your friends, and/or lovers. That you don't feel left out.
A: Yeah. I do think, the key here is that there need to be some people here who aren't part of the polycule. 'Cause I actually kind of think, that like, the polycule part of this can almost be set aside, and the fundamental issue you're dealing with is, "Am I gonna be at a birthday party that's for me and my roommate, but it's only people my roommate is close with?" Right? or like, it's sort of like, you know. You could even think of it, I feel like, as a group of friends. Like, if you're at a party, and all the people there are part of a circle of friends that you're not in, that would be difficult. Right. I think the fact that it's a polycule is not even necessarily… You know. The part of this that is difficult.
B: It heightens it. It heightens it.
A: It heightens it! I agree it heightens it. But I think, yeah, I think you gotta get some people outside of the polycule involved in this party. Right? Or! Or, frankly, maybe a joint birthday party is not the move. If that's not an option. Right?
B: Yeah. You might need your own birthday party.
A: Joint birthday parties are good when you have a lot of shared friends. Right.
B: mm-hm.
A: Joint birthday parties are less good if it's like, it's going to be all one person's friends, and you're there too.
S: Yeah, if you're not in the polycule, it doesn't sound good to do it joint. Do you think that like… I feel like, it would feel bad, in a polycule, to be like… I'm really not very knowledgeable in this, but I feel like it would feel so bad to be like, the situationship level person. When there's someone… Just knowing, so overtly, that you're like, tier two? In the relationship?
A: Maybe that's what you want. Because maybe you have your own primary, right?
S: Maybe.
B: I think it takes the pressure off.
A: You've got your own person who's your main partner,
S: Right.
A: and you've both got your secondary partners, to each other. But you've each got your main person. I think.
S: But is that always how it works?
A: I dunno.
B: No.
S: Does everyone always have a main person?
A: Not always. There's no rules.
S: 'Cause I feel like it would be awesome-- if you were open to polyamory, it would be awesome to be like, "Oh this person sleeps with so many people, or is in a relationship with so many people, but, they choose me. To be like their main one." You know?
B: Yeah.
A: You're number one.
S: That would feel awesome. But then the flip side of that, I feel, would feel so bad!
A: Well, but I don't know-- You're in this headspace, that I don't know that that's the case. Like, you might just be like-- I feel like, Sam you're approaching it from the mindset of someone who's not polyamorous. Right?
S: Right.
A: You have to approach it from a polyamorous mindset, of like, maybe this is totally chill for you, because you don't want this person to be your primary partner. They're just a casual thing for you and your primary partner's gonna be something else. Right? That's a different sitch.
S: Is there a difference between polyamory and being in an open relationship?
B: I think that polyamory would be the…
A: The umbrella term.
B: I think open relationships are one where people have one romantic partner, and they hook up with other people. But people who call themselves poly have multiple romantic partners.
S: Right.
A: I think that polyamory is an umbrella term that encompasses many, many different versions of having multiple romantic or sexual partners at the same time.
S: I just feel like it'd be-- In the version of this where it is multiple romantic relationships, not just sexual relationships. I just feel like that'd be very stressful. Like, maybe that's a loser mindset?
A: Well, I agree with you, but these people, clearly this is their preference, is to do it polyamory style.
S: I just feel like it's so upfront. It's just so overt how successful you are in your relationships. And I wouldn't like that. I like not knowing.
B: You like being a humble king.
S: Maybe. (hesitating) No, I just like to be delusional.
B: No, you're saying that it's like there's too much ranking.
A: You're saying that there's too much competition that's out in the open.
S: Right, exactly. It's like so overt.
B: Yeah.
S: Yes.
B: But it's not competition. And that's, y'know, you have to reach enlightenment.
S: But I feel like it would feel that way.
A: Right, I think that that's the thing. You're approaching it, Sam, from a scarcity-- You're trying to think about polyamory from a monogamous, like, scarcity mindset perspective. And I think that's the problem. Like, I think that if you like polyamory--
S: Do you think the mindset is like, the sum total of relationship? Like, you could feel satisfied if you have a lot of relationships, even if none of them are that deep?
A: I think surely for some people. Right? Surely for some people that that's something that they like. But I think it's a spectrum. It's gotta be a spectrum. What I'm saying is that I feel like what you keep expressing is like, a very like, zero-sum, competitive,
S: Sure.
A: mindset of polyamory, which I feel like is exactly the opposite of why a person would be polyamorous.
B: Mm-hm. Yeah. These people have transcended that.
A: Right.
S: That's amazing. mmkay.
A: Anyway. What's our answer. Our answer is either get some people who aren't in the polycule to the party, or, if you can't, you gotta hook up with somebody at that party. You gotta get in there.
B: Yeah. You gotta get in the polycule.
A: Get some skin in the game.
B: Like if you don't have enough friends, or lovers, you're gonna be overshadowed either way, get into the polycule.
A: Get in there.
S: Yeah. Even if you do it in a monogamous way.
A: Sure. Yeah. You can be monogamous with somebody in there, that's fine.
S: You can do monogamous sleeping around. That's allowed.
A: Great.
B: Yeah.
S: Y'know, as long as you're not-- in a closed relationship. But y'know. Yeah. That seems like a good place to end.
B: Okay, great.
A: I think we nailed that. I think we did great.
S: Kind of a climax of every "Ben Adam and Sam fix your Life"s--
A: Well there's a lot of climaxes going on in this situation (badum-tss)
B: Seemingly.
S: Look, it could just be a totally wholesome birthday party.
B: Hopefully not at the party.
S: Yeah. I hope it's completely PG. Wholesome birthday party. Y'know. Well. You're welcome, Internet.
THIS IS NOT AN ORIGINAL POST. Twitter user lily_hpmy recently combed the entire series--we're talking song lyrics, drama tracks, the anime, the movie, the manga, the live shows, the Spotify radio podcasts, the stageplays, and both video games--to discover the two things Hitoya can't stand. Sorry, did I say two? Make that one hundred forty-seven.
This is that list translated into English for ease of reading. All credit for the massive amount of work involved goes to lily_hpmy, who posts quite a lot of other funny Hypmic content. Please give them a follow! Also, please do not use this post as a jumping off point to harass them or overwhelm them with complex English-language comments. I do not know if they would be comfortable with a random surge of attention from non-Japanese accounts.
The author of this list categorized the list by subject matter (food and drinks, people, places, and miscellaneous) and expression used (can't stand, dislikes, rubs the wrong way, is inexcusable). Because I can't make a table on Tumblr, I've collapsed this into four lists ordered by expression used.
Items that appear more than once are bolded. Occasionally, Hitoya uses different wording to refer to the same thing. When the meanings are functionally identical, list items may appear to be featured twice. Other duplicate items contain footnotes if a meaningful (or just amusing) distinction exists.
I'm writing everything in fairly clinical tones, but Hitoya sounds annoyed as all get-out a good 50% of the time. Determining when to mentally insert the word "fucking" is an exercise left to the reader.
The 81 things Hitoya can't stand:
Bad coffee
Watery coffee
Over-extracted coffee
Mornings without coffee
Nattou without Japanese mustard
Fruit in salads
Pineapple in sweet-and-sour pork (repeated 3 times)
Pineapple on pizza
Strawberries in shortcake
Bad osechi
Ice cubes made from tap water
Drinking cheap sake
Warm beer
People who water down champagne
People who put soy sauce on sushi rice
Pickled plums in mackerel stewed in miso paste [1]
People who don't listen [2]
Procrastinators
People who run their mouths saying nonsense
People who say good luck without meaning it
Students who don't listen to his lectures (from a school AU event)
People who look down on him
People who bother him
Dumbasses who bother him at work
People who litter
Bartenders who make a show of pouring whiskey
People who don't wear socks
Adults who squabble like kids
People who can't read the room
Audience members who don't cheer loud enough [3]
Dumbasses who fall for scams
MCs who run away
People who diss his Nagoya fam
Dumb kids who charge in headfirst without thinking
People who talk too loud at coffee shops
People who make too big of a commotion in coffee shops
People who just stand there without ordering anything in coffee shops
Openly opinionated people [4]
Monks (or a monk, presumably) who make fun of his hair style
People who don't put the TV remote back in its designated spot
People who flaunt their wealth
People who wear cheap, bad perfume or cologne
People who ignore the local rules and customs
People who swear sneakers with suits
People who can't mind their own business
People who use their pets as their phone background
Hitoya when he lacks the vocabulary to properly compliment a client on their beauty (from a host club event)
Hitoya when he is rendered helpless by a client's beauty (from a host club event)
People who do whatever the heck they want with someone else's body (from a body swap event)
People who pull faces or do pranks right as the picture is taken
People who poke their noses into every room in someone else's house
People who camp out in his office uninvited
A pair of dumbassess who barge into his office for the purpose of feeding him nonsense
A certain young, red-haired hooligan
A certain monk-in-training who insists upon calling Hitoya up and having him come over for no stated reason
A certain red-haired monk-in-training who pretends to be busy when he's actually not busy at all
Bars that play classical music
Places with way too many people packed into them
Concerts that play bad music
Lukewarm baths
Losing
Losing at the DRB
Losing
People licking each other's wounds
Being forced to do anything
Being told what to do
Other people writing a script for him [5]
When Jakurai looks down on him
When Jakurai shows him up
Women crying
Reckless behavior
Stewing over conversations that are over and done with
The kind of clothes worn by posers in rock-and-roll subculture
The smell of asphalt on rainy days
Annoying New Year's celebrations [6]
Body swapping (from a body swap event)
Not giving something his 100%
Photos where he's blinking
Staffs that look cool but have bad stats (from a video game AU event)
Monsters that get cocky (from a video game AU event)
The 58 things Hitoya dislikes:
Room temperature rum
Green bananas
Soggy, untoasted baguettes
Lemon water
Bean sprouts
Dry sashimi
People who don't listen
People who do whatever they want despite how it might affect others
A certain perceptive brat [7]
Dumb kids
Impudent kids
People who overestimate their abilities
People who bother him at work
A certain dour-looking office worker
Men who physically abuse women
Cheating, cowardly SOBs who sneak up behind someone and attack them
People who make money the easy way
People who buy band T-shirts without knowing the band
People who walk into restaurants that don't display their prices just to see how much things cost
Obnoxiously excited tourists
People who lack manners and butt into other people's conversations
Low-ability chumps who band together
Certain obnoxiously excited dumbasses
People who don't care enough about anything
Two-faced people
People with the audacity to openly take other people's stuff
Seeing a certain monk give up
A certain obnoxious monk-in-training on April Fool's Day
A certain disagreeable doctor
Drunk Jakurai
Crowded, hard-to-walk-in bars
Restaurants that don't display their prices
Romance novels
Trashy necktie pins
Trashy suits
Outstanding documents
Lack of self-reliance
Damp cigarettes
Failure to properly consider a man's resolve
Jobs that don't pay well
Trials that don't pay well
Defending a terrible person in trial
Bullying
Bullying the weak
Being looked after
Low energy concerts
When fun experiences are over
Trashy neon signage
Taking photos of people doing lame poses
Wasting time
Bullshit
Self-serving bullshit
Cosplay
Being forced to undergo ascetic training on his day off
Trains
Buses
The 4 things that rub Hitoya the wrong way:
Dumbasses who don't listen
People who ask dumb questions
People who think it's funny to ask dumb questions
People who jump to conclusions
The 4 things that are inexcusable to Hitoya:
Warm beer
Cocky chumps
Assholes who can't recognize when they've done wrong
Dumbasses who go wild and trash the beach at night
[1] A common dish. Hitoya isn't being ridiculously specific, as the length of this line in translation might suggest.
[2] A more annoyed sounding version of the "people who don't listen" in the "dislike" list. Presumably, this one is directed at Kuukou.
[3] Said at a live show.
[4] Said with zero shred of self-awareness.
[5] Said during a Spotify radio podcast. I would assume, although I've not checked, he doesn't want to read a piece of scripted content on air and would rather speak for himself.
[6] This line is light on context, but as New Year's is Japan's largest holiday and celebrated with family, I assume he's referring to the annoying aspects of large family gatherings. Think "obnoxious Thanksgiving dinner" for a US analogy.
[7] From Harmonious Cooperation when Hitoya is upset that Kuukou noticed him being out of sorts.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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