Admiring from afar (Oneshot)
Pairing: Fred Weasley x hufflepuff!reader
Summary: When you thought your longtime crush, Fred, had feelings for another girl, but all along the girl was you
Cw: you fell first, he fell harder
You could remember everything about him, the way his hair fell across his forehead, the precise shade of brown in his eyes, the easy way he moved through the corridors like he owned them.
He was one of those boys who just stood out. Red hair, bright smile, the kind of person who made people laugh without even trying. He and his twin brother George were always getting into trouble, always laughing about something. They were the kind of boys that everyone had a crush on. You read books, baked pastries, and spent your free time in the library or the Hufflepuff kitchens. You read books in the corner and didn't really talk to anyone.
Except then you developed feelings for Fred Weasley, and suddenly nothing felt safe anymore.
It started small. A glance across the Great Hall. Noticing when he walked into a room. Looking at him across the Great Hall when you thought nobody was watching. The way your heart did a stupid flip whenever he laughed. The way he smiled when George said something stupid, and your best friends Lily and Maya knew about your small crush.
Your friends didn't understand.
"You have to tell him," Lily said for the hundredth time, stirring a cup of tea in the common room. It was a Saturday afternoon, and you were supposed to be studying for Potions, but instead you were listening to Lily and Maya stage an intervention about your love life.
"I'm not telling him anything," you said firmly, not looking up from your Potions textbook. The words swam in front of your eyes, refusing to make sense.
"Why not?" Maya demanded. She was sprawled across the armchair next to you, legs dangling over one arm. "Worst case scenario, he says no and you move on. Best case scenarioโ"
"There is no best case scenario," you interrupted. "There's only the scenario where I humiliate myself in front of a boy I barely know."
"You do know him," Lily insisted. "You sit next to him in Herbology."
"I sit near him," you corrected. "I don't know him."
Maya asked from the armchair,"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?".
"He could laugh at me. Or worse, he could be nice about it, which is somehow worse than laughing. Or he could tell everyone and suddenly everyone knows I have a crush on Fred Weasley." You felt your face get hot just thinking about it. "I'm not doing it."
"You already had one conversation with him," Lily pointed out. "In Transfiguration. You're not complete strangers."
That conversation. You tried not to think about that conversation, but apparently you'd have to.
It was early in the year, third week of classes. You'd been paired together for a project on transformation. Fred had actually talked to you. Not just about the homework, but actually talked to you. He'd asked your opinion on things. He'd mentioned his dreams about opening a joke shop with George. And you'd managed to say like four sentences before getting so nervous you had to excuse yourself.
It was so embarrassing that you'd been avoiding him ever since.
"You're being a coward," Maya said now, and she wasn't even being mean about it.
You didn't respond because she was right, and you hated when she was right. You were being a coward. But admitting feelings to someone required a level of vulnerability you weren't sure you possessed. What if he laughed? What if he was kind about it, which somehow felt worse than laughing? What if he told everyone, and suddenly your quiet existence was disrupted by pity and awkwardness?
No. It was safer to admire from a distance and imagine scenarios that would never happen. It was safer to pretend you didn't spend an embarrassing amount of time wondering what Fred Weasley was doing, who he was thinking about, whether he'd ever notice someone like you.
"I'm not having this conversation anymore," you announced, standing up. "I'm going to the kitchens. I promised the house elves I'd help with tonight's dessert."
"Of course you did," Lily muttered as you left.
The kitchens were your sanctuary. The house elvesโTippy, Mop, and Bertโwelcomed you like you were one of them, which was almost true. You'd been spending time here since your second year, learning recipes, perfecting techniques, creating new desserts. It was one of the few places in Hogwarts where you felt completely like yourself.
Tonight you were making chocolate eclairs, your specialty. There was something meditative about baking. Your brain quieted. The anxiety that usually accompanied you through the castle, faded away.
"Smells incredible," Tippy said, peering over your shoulder.
"Thanks," you said, carefully piping cream into the shells. "How many do you think we'll need?"
"For house elves, maybe fifty," Mop joked. "For students, maybe a hundred."
You smiled, concentrating on getting the piping consistent. This was what you understood. Measurements and temperatures and the way ingredients transformed under your hands. Not feelings. Never feelings. Feelings were messy and uncertain and unpredictable.
You were so focused on your work that you almost didn't notice George and Fred entering the kitchens.
"Bert said you'd be here," George announced, making himself comfortable on one of the high stools. Fred was behind him, and your stomach performed an awkward flip that you tried very hard to ignore.
"We need sustenance," Fred said, his eyes going straight to your eclairs. "Please tell me those are for us."
"They're for dessert tonight," you said, keeping your eyes on your work. Your cheeks were definitely warm. Why were they here? Fred had never come to the kitchens when you were working before.
"Dessert is hours away," George pointed out. "Surely you could spare one or two for the hardworking students of Gryffindor House."
"You're not hardworking," you said, surprising yourself with your own boldness. "You skipped Divination yesterday."
"We were testing our new Puking Pastilles," Fred said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. "Much more valuable than predicting the future with tea leaves."
Despite yourself, you almost smiled.
"We'll leave you alone," George said eventually, though they didn't actually leave. Instead, they sat at the counter, talking to the house elves and occasionally commenting on your work. You could feel Fred watching you as you worked, and it made your hands slightly shaky, making your piping less perfect, which made you frustrated.
"You're really good at that," Fred said at one point, and you felt your entire face go red.
"Thanks," you said, not looking at him.
Then, they left. George had something to do with Quidditch practice, and Fred went along. You exhaled a breath you didn't know you'd been holding.
"That boy likes you," Mop said knowingly.
"He does not," you said firmly. "He was just being nice."
"House elf knows these things," Tippy insisted. "He looks at you like you're an eclair."
"That's possibly the worst compliment I've ever received," you said, but your heart wasn't really in it. You were too busy trying to convince yourself that Fred Weasley didn't like you, because if he did, that meant you had to do something about it, and you absolutely would not.
Three weeks later, you were walking back from the library with a stack of books when you heard Fred's voice coming from an empty classroom. You should have kept walking. But you didn't.
"โshe's so pretty," Fred was saying. "Like, she has this look where she's thinking really hard about something, and it's just... she's beautiful,"
Your stomach dropped. He was talking about a girl. Of course he was.
"And she's funny," he continued. "Not like, trying to be funny. She just says these things that make me laugh. And she's really smart, but she doesn't like, brag about it or anything."
"So basically you're completely in love," George said, and you could hear him laughing.
Fred continues on,"She's not even trying to be impressive, but somehow everything she does is impressive. The way she concentrates on things. The way she makes these little focused expressions when she's thinking. And she's so shy, but not in an annoying way, you know? It's like..."
"Mate, you're absolutely smitten," George said,"Are you going to tell her?"
"I don't even know how to start," Fred said, sounding frustrated. "She barely talks to me. That one time in Transfiguration she looked like I was going to murder her."
That's when you stepped back and accidentally kicked a suit of armor. The noise echoed through the hallway and your heart literally stopped.
You didn't wait to see if they came out. You just started walking really fast, then almost running, back to the Hufflepuff common room.
By the time you got there, your eyes were burning and your chest felt tight. Angelina. He liked Angelina. Of course he did. Everyone liked Angelina.
Lily found you sitting alone in the corner of the common room.
"You look sad," she said, sitting down next to you.
"Fred likes someone," you said, and your voice cracked a little. "I heard him talking to George. He's in love with her. Or getting there. And it's not me."
"How do you know it's not you?" Lily asked carefully.
"Because he said she was pretty and funny and smart, and that's... that's not me. That's Angelina." You felt tears start to come and you hated it. "And that's fine. That's good. Now I can stop thinking about him and just move on."
You hated how bitter you sounded. "So. Disaster averted. I never have to tell him anything because he's already interested in someone else."
"That doesn't sound like a disaster averted," Lily said carefully. "That sounds like a disaster."
"It's fine," you insisted, even though it really, truly wasn't.
Over the next week, you managed to avoid Fred completely. You sat on the opposite side of Herbology class, changed your route to the kitchens, and even skipped a Hogsmeade weekend because you were afraid of running into him. It was exhausting and ridiculous and you hated yourself for it, but you couldn't seem to help it.
The worst part was that you started noticing Fred with Angelina. The way they talked in the hallways. The way he looked at her. And it hurt in a way that was almost physical.
So you did what you always did when you were sad or nervous,you baked.
You were in the kitchens on Friday evening, making chocolate croissants, when Tippy approached you with an unusual expression.
"You have a visitor," the house elf said.
"I'm not expecting anyone," you said, not looking up from your dough.
"He's waiting by the entrance," Tippy said meaningfully.
But Tippy had already disappeared, and you had a pretty good idea who the "he" was. You considered ignoring it, just staying in the kitchens until he went away. But that was cowardly, and you were tired of being a coward.
Fred was leaning against the wall near the kitchens entrance, looking nervous in a way you'd never seen him look before. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and his hair was messy, like he'd been running his hands through it.
"Hi," he said when he saw you.
"Hi," you replied carefully.
"I've been trying to catch you all week," he said. "You're very good at disappearing."
"I've been busy," you said, which was a lie, and you were pretty sure he knew it was a lie.
"Look, I'm just going to say this because if I don't say it now I never will," Fred said, running a hand through his hair again. "I like you. Like, actually like you. And I know we've barely talked, and I know this is probably sudden and weird, but I heard you at the Transfiguration Project that one time, and you were so thoughtful about everything, and then I kept seeing you in the kitchens, and you're so focused and careful and you make these little expressions when you're concentrating, andโ"
Your brain had stopped working somewhere around "I like you."
"The girl you were describing to George," you said slowly.
Fred's face went red. "How did youโoh no. Did you hear that? You heard that. You heard me talking to George. That's why you've been avoiding me."
"I thought you were describing Angelina," you said, which sounded incredibly stupid even as you said it.
"Angelina?" Fred looked genuinely confused. "Why would I be describing Angelina? I don't even know Angelina that well."
"You assumed I had a crush on Angelina, so you've been avoiding me all week?"
"I didn't know she wasn't the girl!" you said defensively. "I just knew I wasn't going to be any competition for her, so I figured I might as well accept it and move on."
Fred took a step closer to you. "You're completely insane if you think I'd pick Angelina over you."
"You don't even know me," you said, but your heart wasn't in it anymore.
"I want to," Fred said earnestly. "I've wanted to for months. I tried in Transfiguration, but you looked like I was going to murder you, so I figured I'd give you space. But I like you. And I know you're shy and quiet and you'd probably rather be literally anywhere else right now, but I had to tell you."
You stood there, dripping dough on your hands, looking at Fred Weasley, and realized that he was right. You were shy. You were quiet. And you would have preferred to be literally anywhere else. But at the same time, there was nowhere else you wanted to be.
"I like you too," you said quietly.
Fred's face broke into a smile that was so bright and genuine that you felt your chest constrict. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," you confirmed. "For like... months, apparently."
"So you'll go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?" he asked. "And maybe I can finally have a real conversation with you that doesn't involve you looking like you're contemplating my possible murder?"
"I can try," you said, and you almost smiled.
He grinned. "I'll take it."
After that first date, things moved pretty fast. Fred would wait for you after classes. You'd sit together at meals. He started coming to the kitchens more often, and instead of just watching you work, he'd steal kisses and tell you jokes and generally distract you.
But the best part was the easy way Fred accepted you. Your quietness. Your love of baking. Your need for silence and solitude. He never pushed you to be more outgoing or extroverted. He just fit himself into your life, and you fit yourself into his, and somehow it worked.
One afternoon in late, you were in the kitchens working on a batch of cinnamon rolls when Fred appeared.
"These smell incredible," he said, kissing the top of your head.
"They're for tomorrow's breakfast," you said, smiling. "But I might have made extras."
"You're the best," he declared, stealing one off the cooling rack. He bit into it and made a sound of pure contentment. "Mate, these are dangerous. I'm going to marry you just for the baking."
Your heart did a flip at the casual mention of marriage, even though you knew he was joking. Mostly joking. Maybe joking.
"You can't marry someone just for their baking," you said, trying to sound normal even though your entire nervous system was currently malfunctioning.
"Sure I can," Fred said, eating another roll. "It's a perfectly valid reason. Much more practical than the whole 'love' thing everyone talks about."
"You're ridiculous," you said, shaking your head.
"You love it though," he said, and he was right. You did. You loved his ridiculous jokes and his terrible puns and the way he made you laugh at things you'd normally be too shy to find funny.
You were trying really hard to focus on your assignmentโsomething with dragon's blood and powdered moonstone, you thought. Professor Snape had paired you with Fred, which was either the best or worst thing that could happen depending on how you looked at it.
The problem was that Fred didn't seem interested in focusing on the potion at all.
"You're really pretty when you're concentrating," he said softly, leaning close to you.
Your face went hot immediately. You could feel the blush creeping up your neck, spreading across your cheeks. Around you, other students were working quietly, and you were very aware that Fred was being deliberately distracting.
"Focus on the potion," you said, trying to sound stern but probably just sounding flustered.
"I am focused," he said, his voice all warm and teasing. "I'm focused on you."
"Fred," you said, a warning in your voice, but you were smiling despite yourself.
"What?" he said innocently. "I'm just saying you look cute. Is that a crime?"
Your nervous system went into overdrive. He was looking at you with those warm eyes, that playful smile, and you could feel your heart doing backflips in your chest. Your hands were shaking a little as you stirred the potion.
"You're being distracting," you said, which was maybe the understatement of the century.
"Good," he said, and he reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "I like distracting you. You get all flustered and it's adorable."
That was it. Your brain short-circuited. Your nervous system took over. Without really thinking about it, you pushed his shoulderโjust a little push, just enough to get him to back off and give you some space to breathe.
Except you pushed a little harder than you meant to.
Fred's chair, which he'd been leaning back in, tipped backward. His eyes went wide for just a second before he crashed to the ground with a loud BANG that echoed through the entire classroom.
The whole room went silent.
Everyone turned to stare. Professor Snape looked up from his desk with an expression of pure disdain.
Your face went so red you thought you might actually combust.
"Mr. Weasley," Snape said coldly, his voice dripping with disappointment. "Perhaps you could pay attention to your work instead of flirting with your partner."
"Yes, sir," Fred said, getting up and brushing himself off. He was grinning though, like falling off his chair was the funniest thing that had ever happened to him. "Won't happen again, sir."
You were walking quickly, trying to escape the embarrassment, when Fred caught up with you and grabbed your hand.
"I'm so sorry," you said immediately, your words tumbling over each other. "I didn't mean to push you that hard. I just got nervous and flustered and my body just reacted andโ"
"Hey," Fred said, pulling you into a quiet corner near the stairs. "It was hilarious."
"It was mortifying," you said, covering your face with your hands.
"It was both," he said, gently pulling your hands away so he could see your face.
"This isn't funny," you said, but you were already smiling a little.
"It's the funniest thing that's happened to me all week," Fred said seriously. "You pushed me off a chair because I was flirting with you. That's the cutest thing I've ever seen."
"Stop saying adorable," you said, but you were laughing now too.
You hit his shoulder, and he caught your hand and kissed it before pulling you into a hug.
"I love you," he said into your hair.
Fred would jokingly flirt, just to see you get nervous and push him out of habit.He'd just laugh about it. Once you pushed him into a wall or when you accidentally elbowed him in the ribs.
"You're violent," he'd tease.
"You're distracting," you'd shoot back.
But you were smiling when you said it, and so was he.
