Bence

Hogy a szétesedező darabjaim úgy alkottak egy egészet

Hogy egy percre elhittem

Hogy nem csak nekem kell önmagam

összetartanom

Hanem egy férfi is művelheti a kintsugi-t kezével

longing for your crush and hoping that maybe someday something will happen between the two of you

or knowing for sure that you’ll never have him because finally something did happen between him and you

but he friendzoned you

even though he acted like he wanted so much more of that

he defined his actions towards you as

“getting to know each other, to be friends”

yeah, i am sure as hell about that…

maybe inviting him over with his best girlfriend

eating lunch together at your dinner table

and finishing the other’s leftover

inviting the other for a coffee

asking for him to walk you home

is what same sex hetero friends nowadays do with each other

and i’m just too sensitive

but you broke my heart and i imperceptibly told you that

i stuttered, i wanted to choke on my own words

how i hated myself for being that vulnerable in front of a guy who acted like he was so innocent in all of that

how i promised myself that i wouldn’t do that again with another man if i have a chance

but you made me believe that the one and a half year long waiting and longing

was finally worth it and you wanted me because your actions showed it

how finally

starving myself, working out, wearing fancy clothes, getting up at 5:40, doing makeup, styling my hair,

was finally worth it

but it wasn’t.

cause you can’t make someone love you by giving them more of what they already don’t appreciate

and it’s unhealthy to want someone who doesn’t want you

or some inspirational bullshit quote like this

i saved in my camera roll

i’ll keep reading to justify my feelings

that i still have for you

even though i don’t want to