i often make the mistake of overestimating people. the same thing always happens to me. people tend to idealize the figures of their friends and close ones a lot, and then we come across the reality that all of them can hurt us in any way, and it doesn't have to be on purpose. but despite not being on purpose, i think that people do not usually have a stable emotional responsibility with respect to others. sometimes they prefer to look good and give white lies than to be clear and direct, and that annoys me a lot. what's really wrong with saying that you don't want to do something or that you don't feel like it? what need is there to make the other person confused just so they don't feel bad, when what you get is just that? or, why do people sometimes criticize the type of person who acts badly socially and is not emotionally responsible, but then they are the first to make the same mistakes? these are questions that often go around my head and ruminating on them always leads to the wrong place: judgments. that harmful thing that only hurts oneself. and worst of all, overthinking those things gets us nowhere when our feelings are hurt. it only leads to social isolation. thinking about why we would need to be in society if we are better off alone.
things like this have been happening to me lately. my friends are clumsy when it comes to communication, or they simply don't take others into account. my thought, this time away from the usual judgments, has been oriented more towards reflection. have i ever acted like this? or how would i feel if i did that kind of thing? my answer has been an emphatic no. but despite this, we must bear in mind that people have priorities and ways of acting that do not always have to fit with us, and there is nothing wrong with that. there are simply certain attitudes that do not agree with our person, but that does not make them evil. you have to accept that everyone makes mistakes, of one kind or another. there will always be little things that we may always do well, but one day in particular we do not have the ability to do it well. on that side, i can come to empathize.
however, it makes me very sad to feel this way with most of the people i have met. i just feel like i don't fit in, despite all these communication misunderstandings. there is something in me that does not allow me to connect with the world, much less with people. it is as if the hope of finding valuable people has disappeared. i no longer have the same interest as before in seeing what the future holds for me, and i need to get out of this loop.
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