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@dreadm0re

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Still Night
my art book and prints are available here
patreon / youtube / twitter / instagram / website
when it’s really bad again and it’s still way better than it used to be but it’s still really bad. and you do all the right stuff and you try and try and it still really hurts but it’s working but it still hurts and you go see the beautiful majesty of nature and your soul is so close to being at peace but your mind is still in pain. and it’s better but it’s still bad. and the sun is setting.
From the Ghibli anime, "Whisper Of The Heart" (1993)
not me... at all

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it kills me inside when i try to act cold just to protect myself, knowing that i have the sweetest soul you'll ever meet.
i have managed to pass my history of psychology exam... for me it is all a dream. i am finally seeing results in my effort to relearn how to study. with only one week I have been able to study a lot and i have passed! it is incredible. i hope that the next exams will go just as well for me, for now i am very motivated and every day i like my career more. i also got the hollow knight and I'm super happy because I really want to end it!
Lighthouse

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changes
this year i have started to study psychology. i left my old career because it didn't make me happy and i was totally stuck on an idea that i was absolutely not excited about. i am discovering a completely new reality for me. things are starting to make sense, both things about my life and that of others and how we see the world and learn, how we overlook things as important as the need for a quality childhood and how and why we care about things as absurd as what others will say about what we just said. it is a difficult race, but exciting and every minute that i invest, despite being hard for me having changed fields so radically, is well invested and i am proud and happy to be on this path.
the bubble of childhood
i've been having nightmares lately, during the little time i sleep. this reminds me of those years ago when i used to only dream nightmares related to weather disasters, or those where my friend turned into a mattress and since that i would never be able to talk to him again. those innocent dreams of a girl who worried about impending dangers that weren't even real, but on which her life depended. i miss that time when i lived in a bubble, the bubble of childhood. where nothing and no one could ever hurt me, because who would want to hurt me? who would want to hurt a poor girl who was trying to make a place for herself in this world?
but now all those lucid days are gone. only dreams remain, those that remind me of my days as a child, those that remind me of my family when everything was going well and i didn't know what life would bring me when i grew up. because after childhood i would see life in another color, i would see my childhood in another way and sadness would take over me. but now all those lucid days are gone. after all, those times were not as good as i used to think, but only as a child is when i lived that dream that i now chase.
art cr: alisonzai
STUDIO GHIBLI + HUGS 💙💜
Castle in the Sky (1986) Whisper of the Heart (1995) Princess Mononoke (1997) Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) Ponyo (2008) From Up on Poppy Hill (2011) The Wind Rises (2013)
:(
i often make the mistake of overestimating people. the same thing always happens to me. people tend to idealize the figures of their friends and close ones a lot, and then we come across the reality that all of them can hurt us in any way, and it doesn't have to be on purpose. but despite not being on purpose, i think that people do not usually have a stable emotional responsibility with respect to others. sometimes they prefer to look good and give white lies than to be clear and direct, and that annoys me a lot. what's really wrong with saying that you don't want to do something or that you don't feel like it? what need is there to make the other person confused just so they don't feel bad, when what you get is just that? or, why do people sometimes criticize the type of person who acts badly socially and is not emotionally responsible, but then they are the first to make the same mistakes? these are questions that often go around my head and ruminating on them always leads to the wrong place: judgments. that harmful thing that only hurts oneself. and worst of all, overthinking those things gets us nowhere when our feelings are hurt. it only leads to social isolation. thinking about why we would need to be in society if we are better off alone.
things like this have been happening to me lately. my friends are clumsy when it comes to communication, or they simply don't take others into account. my thought, this time away from the usual judgments, has been oriented more towards reflection. have i ever acted like this? or how would i feel if i did that kind of thing? my answer has been an emphatic no. but despite this, we must bear in mind that people have priorities and ways of acting that do not always have to fit with us, and there is nothing wrong with that. there are simply certain attitudes that do not agree with our person, but that does not make them evil. you have to accept that everyone makes mistakes, of one kind or another. there will always be little things that we may always do well, but one day in particular we do not have the ability to do it well. on that side, i can come to empathize.
however, it makes me very sad to feel this way with most of the people i have met. i just feel like i don't fit in, despite all these communication misunderstandings. there is something in me that does not allow me to connect with the world, much less with people. it is as if the hope of finding valuable people has disappeared. i no longer have the same interest as before in seeing what the future holds for me, and i need to get out of this loop.
Wallpapers relaxing💚 ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY (2010) dir. Hiromasa Yonebayashi
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