sad with a bit of spice

me, as i force a dollar bill into the self-checkout machine: thats right…..good boy……vore president washington

im begging all of you to stop reblogging th is

being traumatized is so embarrassing sometimes like oooogh my mom was mean to me when i was little so now i want to eviscerate myself anytime i think i’ve done something wrong. fuck you

it sucks that you can only die once and its permanent.. imagine the kinda sex we could be innovating if that wasnt the case

Try estrogen!

Matthew mercer recovering from his alter ego, Matthew Harmer

reblog to make your own boobs bigger

i'm legit curious pls reblog this and put in the tags what your first band t shirt or merch was

#that giraffe is being so cute and curious and gentle#and that is running full speed because this is the worst fucking day if his LIFE#like IMAGINE having your butt gently scooted by the snoot of a pressence so massive#your body is not designed to even see high enough to see the top of#abd hes just gently nudging you along as you run for your life as fast as your legs can carry you#giraffe is playing humans are enjoying turtle is living out a cosmic horror story

we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

this fucking problem is how they caught the unabomber

hey you should uh. elaborate. for my own personal satisfaction

the unabomber was pedantic about idiomatic phrases like "have your cake and eat it too" and rephrased it to "eat your cake and have it too" (which to be very fair makes sense). fast forward to when he starts writing manifestos. he uses the phrase word for word in his pedantic style and his brother (who has been keeping his eyes on the unabomber shit for obvious reasons) notices the phrase and is like "oh fuck that's my fucking brother no one else fucking says that" and calls in an FBI tip

Just the idea of reading something like that and having to do a double take and going "I only know one bitch who writes that". It reminds me of a film called wicked little letters; about scandalous letters being sent around a little English village. its silly but its a pretty fun story where Olivia Coleman calls many people "foxy arsed".