Thoughts Processing......

When I woke up this morning, I could tell something was off. I had a bad dream, and when I awakened to breastfeed my daughter I went into my normal meditation. For some reason, I couldn’t focus. So, I decided to check Twitter. The first thing I saw was a still screen of a Black man, maybe early to mid 30s.athletic build, bald. Black.  Seemingly in a good mood. The caption of this video read “ Dear #AllLivesMatter, you still think us complaining about police brutality is bullsh*t? K.” I was hesitant about playing the video because my heart just cannot take anymore.

In the video, I watched a Black man comply. I watched a Black man speak slowly. I watched a Black man remain calm. I watched a Black man be arrested and beaten for being Black. It amazes me how much our dear White people want us to be silenced about. If Police Officers  (“they”) shoot Black men, the Black man should have complied. If “they” arrest Black men, “at least he didn’t get shot” they remark. When will it end?

“that guy behind us is following you,” she said. “he was watching you leave the train car and followed you up.”

i hadn’t noticed him, or at least not noticed him following me. when we stopped outside a grocery store, he stopped half a block back and loitered. the woman linked her arm with mine and walked me several blocks out of her way to my front door and made sure i got inside safely.

another time, nocigar and i were walking home and at a stoplight a stranger grabbed my arm when i wouldn’t respond to him and tried to physically drag me over to him. she—who is, by the way, not a very physically imposing girl—ripped his hand off my arm and snarled, “don’t fucking touch her.”

“Those guys behind us were talking about following you. We can walk with you.”