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keith:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Omae wa

Lance: I fall in love easily.

Keith: Okay.., what are your weaknesses?

So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.

So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.

So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.

This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner. 

So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.

*cracks knuckles* lo and behold some fanon lances i’ve come across in over a year of reading voltron fics:

fanon lance 1: hispanic stereotype lance. gratuitous use of spanish phrases that may or may not be copy and pasted from google translate. gratuitous references to cuban food (bonus points if it has nothing to do with the scene it’s shoved into). “these are my siblings–enrique, rosa, carmen, and esteban sanchez/valdez/alvarez/salazar, my mom maria sanchez/valdez/alvarez/salazar, my dad emilio sanchez/valdez/alvarez/salazar and i’m lance.” gasolina is referenced at least once. “d i o s  m i o ,  c a r i ñ o !” can cook really well. is a bit of a neat freak. family is poor+lance is constantly working a low-paying retail job. touchy. the most amazing dancer in the world and only has the voice of an angel when he sings in spanish. plays acoustic guitar. spicy Bi™.

fanon lance 2: whump lance. has depression/is potentially suicidal. has an abusive family. all the other paladins ‘hate’ him. constantly brings himself down because he’s ‘not good enough.’ touch starved. shuts himself off from others but flirts as a coping mechanism. shy and timid. nervous af+adhd. cries a lot. poor pure sunshine child must protect. gets kidnapped. gets tortured. gets corrupted? suffer suffer s u f f e r . langst Bi™. 

fanon lance 3: fuck boy lance. snapbacks. lanyards. tanks with those huge arm holes. cracked phone screen. drives a convertible or some other decent car. the popular dumb jock kid who wouldn’t be caught dead with ‘weirdos.’ picks fights. “n o  h o m o ,  b r o !” fics usually features a gay awakening and subsequent gay crisis. secretly kinky af. immature and dirty jokes abound. party crawler. but handles his alcohol really well? oblivious. swimmer+swimmer’s body aka all lean muscle and broad shoulders. whiny baby. frat boy Bi™. 

fanon lance 4: stoner lance. unnaturally chill. beanies. jean jackets or windbreakers. skateboards. either deals weed or is always talking about his dealer. very spontaneous. always out after dark. risk-taker. adhd? he doesn’t know her. (because it’s the weed.) class clown. has a really shitty car that’s half falling apart but he’s still got money. c a r e l e s s. but secretly really smart. can’t cook at all. is really messy. surprisingly mature? weed Bi™.    

fanon lance 5: overly feminized lance. b o o t y  s h o r t s. also skirts and dresses. heels. He Wink. legs legs legs. and hips! dances like whoa. so slender and skinny. flirting and one-liners actually work. a narcissist. slightly manipulative. no concept of personal space. constantly needs attention. loves makeup. smexy Bi™.

fanon lance 6: author’s self-insert lance. no explanation needed. 

fanon lance 7: “the tanned boy.”

meanwhile, 

canon lance:

Sharpshooter’s Target

allow me to illuminate some common fanon keiths i’ve come across in over a year of reading voltron fics: 

fanon keith 1: overly feminized keith. leggings. crop tops. black nail polish. chokers. flannels tied around his waist. gets drunk as a coping mechanism. smokes. f l i r t y. pretty. so pretty. and he knows it. lean and lithe little thing. usually in fics tagged with ‘keith is a slut.’ (like, actually, keith is the promiscuous one or a sex worker in way more vld fics than any other character.) a tease. been through shit and takes no shit. ‘troubled past.’ lies about being able to take care of himself. too good for you. PDA and touchy. confident. sexy Gay™.

fanon keith 2: desert hobo conspiracy keith. owns 3 shirts. uses soap as shampoo. either has no phone or a ten year old t9 flip phone. his run-down apartment is absolutely empty except for a mattress and an overly-detailed conspiracy cork board. abs. and. arm. muscles. has overly-detailed knowledge of uncommon things or is highly skilled in stuff like carpentry or survival skills or fixing cars. gruff and grumbly. c l u e l e s s. doesn’t get pop culture references and hasn’t watched tv in years. blunt and to the point and unaware if he’s hurting peoples’ feelings. gets unexpectedly excited by little things or simple pleasures. hard work pays off. minds his own damn business. brokeback mountain Gay™.

fanon keith 3: artsy emo keith. wears all black. leather jackets. piercings and tattoos. is wealthy enough to get by with a nice apartment, a smart phone, and a motorcycle, but doesn’t care about money. plays the bass. or paints. or likes photography. moody and angsty and manipulative. injects coffee straight into his blood stream. p o n y t a i l   k e i t h. ‘misunderstood’ because he’s ‘weird’ and ‘always by himself’ but everyone’s into him but he doesn’t notice them because he’s ‘weird.’ the driest humor imaginable+sarcasm. wants to die. but like. ironically. pretends to be apathetic. “don’t talk to me.” and of course, still listens to mid-2000s MCR and fob and p!atd on his beat-up old middle school ipod and loves them unashamedly. hipster Gay™.

fanon keith 4: soft keith. blushy. giggly. always has his nose in a book. gentle. knives? he doesn’t know them. s w e a t e r   p a w s. not socially awkward. forlorn looks. self-esteem issues. fragile. doesn’t physical activity. cinnamon roll Gay™.

fanon keith 5: amassed collection of popular head canons keith. east asian, autistic, lactose intolerant, easily flustered, texan, and once again, gay. 

meanwhile,