The day I realised my life's falling apart.
I`ve always been a happy person. I see the good in every situation, in every time of the day. I treat every person with kindness, forgiveness and love. Every morning I wake up, Iâm smiling because a new day has started, because there are new chances to take, new passions to fulfill and new paths to go. I smile because I can see the magic of life.
I have a job I love, friends who know me better than myself, a social life Iâm proud of. I live for that on moment on stage, the moment I completely forget who I am in real life and the character takes over. I love wandering through the woods, running through the rain, playing in the snow.
Even on the worst of days you can still see me smiling, because I just canât stop myself. I am such a happy, lucky person all the time. I love life and especially my life. I just do.
But even through all the things above I just realized, that my life keeps falling apart and thereâs nothing I can do to stop it. Iâm ill. It wonât kill me. But it takes away my way of life. There isnât a day going by without me having pain. In my legs, my arms, my back. Some days Iâm not even able to walk. I canât dance, I canât play piano, Iâm not even able to sit, because the painâs just too much. Itâs been like this for months, itâs not new to me, but it was this very day, that I realized I canât live my life the way I planned . It happened because of one single thought. Knowing I can never have a dog.
Having a dog, was something Iâve always wanted for my whole life.
Since it started, I always knew that I had to make compromises. Always being in pain means skipping things you used to do. I canât go out and party anymore. I canât keep wandering around, not even little walks are possible. I used to love swimming, but I canât do it unless being in pain afterwards, the same goes for playing piano, because sitting for a while hurts as fuck, working is horrible, since Iâm walking around all the time. I cant even enjoy going to cinemas, because going there means walking and watching a movie means sitting in the same position for two hours. As I said I never had problem with it, it was just the way it is. But on this very special day, I realized that my life actually sucks. It does! It just keeps and keeps falling apart. Itâs funny how one single thought changes your way of seeing the world. Even if itâs just as small as this one.
So Iâm sitting here, still the happy person I always was, still looking for the magic out there, but not because I can see it, but because I have to see it. I must see the good in every day to remember that lifeâs still beautiful.
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