JIMMYSTAR ★

Yeah I'd agree with that, it's just a lot bigger of an undertaking than I'm sure a lot of people realize when you're the only writer and juggling so many different departments at once. It would have required more episodes, time, and stamina. Something I wasn't exactly graced with, being only Glitch's second creator driven show. I would have needed more writers and co-directors, because writing and directing even just 9 episodes basically killed me.

✨Jax is a narrative foil to literally every single other character in the show✨

I hope this makes sense.

Jax is first and foremost a very crucial figure in the show, and I'd personally go as far as to predict he's going to be an antagonistic force/straight up antagonist during the final act (he's set up to be one/IS one at the end of ep7, after all) which is why I personally think we're "focusing" on him, or rather: we're seeing how his brain works, his reasoning. There's another reason we're seeing it now, aka I believe it's meant to be a build up to... well whatever he's going to do to himself or the others because of his situation. But there's already been a LOT of build up to his actions.

Up until episode 6, we've focused on each of the other side characters. We've seen--through either individual development or couple dynamics, and put a pin in that--how each member of the cast thinks and works. Not only that, but each character's core belief/issue is representative of how they react to the circus, and the idea of being in it: I'm aware I'm speaking very metaphorically, but I see the circus as the representation of the personal prison each of them has created for themselves. The circus is toxic escapism, a true static, but safe purgatory that's barely comfortable to stay in, just enough to keep you. As an example: Pomni was unhappy before getting inside. She felt stagnant, bored, and would seek out mild thrills to escape the boredom. Ragatha and her mum, Jax and... whatever happened. It's those who are unhappy who put the headset on. Lose yourself and you get in the circus. It's the mt Ebott of this universe. But I'm losing the plot. So, having said that, core beliefs:

Episode 2 establishes something crucial about Pomni: despite all her panic and anxiety, she's stubborn to a fault when it comes to people. She's a good person who wants others not to feel alone, unwanted. She's the representation of the basic premise of the show--not leaving anyone behind, offering companionship to manage to get through even the worst of situations, and that is the key to finding joy in life--and we will see this ideal shine through every other member of the cast, slowly.

Episode 3? Kinger expresses his worldview. What is the core of his character? That episode + ep 5 show us: staying true to himself, caring for others and loving others despite his biggest challenges in life, which happen to be guilt (though we don't know what for) and grief--the latter being something he recognises has to be faced and lived through, processed in order to be overcome, sharing your pain with someone else. (Huh. That's familiar.) Kinger has accepted his guilt, has forgiven himself, and has processed his trauma and grief. the interesting aspect of him is that we haven't seen his character arc because his development happened off-screen, before the show, and therefore he's the most "healed" and at peace out of all of them.

Again, in episode 3 and episode 6 + 7 (no.) we see Zooble's arc. To say they haven't been focused on or that their development happened off-screen is very wrong in my opinion. We see them establish their personal issue with themselves, and by extension the circus: they're not happy with how they look, who they are. (Hmmm. I feel like I've seen something similar.) Their arc mirrors trans people's struggles, obviously, being trans* themselves, but it's also, more broadly, about identity; Zooble thinks they need to "find the right pieces" in order to feel okay, like there's just something wrong that needs to be found and fixed and it'll all feel just right.

What about Gangle? I know there's a lot of talk of bipolar disorder, but what I personally see in her is an incredibly realistic representation of depression, and living with a mental illness in general. Gangle feels the need to put on a literal mask in order to be accepted, loved, and feel happy. She is the literal representation of masking. When in episode 4 (and god what an episode that is for her!) she spends the day with a plastic, insistent, impossible to break mask that seems to give her the confidence she needs, the self-reassurance, cockyness, bravado--the people around her don't like it. (Well now I'm just getting deja vu! How weird.)

Ragatha? Ohh, Ragatha. If there's anything that got me into this show it's the Pomni, Jax & Ragatha dynamics, but that's a whole other story. So let's focus on her. Ragatha is so deeply insecure of herself that she resorts to extreme people-pleasing in order to feel, once again, loved. Accepted. She thinks if she squashes her own feelings, if she just does whatever people need from her, she won't upset them, and they'll like her--a classic mindset from a person who's been abused, and one that ends up doing the opposite for her; giving her imposter syndrome (since I'm hiding what I feel, and what I feel is sometimes negative, then someone will see through me and find out about how horrible I am one day) and pushing people away. Ragatha is so scared of upsetting someone that she ends up negating herself & others negative emotions, and that ends up hurting and isolating her--wait.

Ok this is getting ridiculous. I'm sure you got the gist of it by now. All of the struggles the other members face, Jax struggles with as well, in some way or the other, in a more twisted, crude, if not extreme way. The most essential aspects of his personality are mirrors to each of the others' core problems:

The unresolved grief and trauma and the consequential guilt are arguably at the center of... whatever is wrong with him. He struggles with self identity in the form of toxic masculinity (whether you want to see this as him being queer in some way, being trans ((hiii)), secretly liking feminine things, or just kind of an insecure reddit guy is your choice) AND dissociation, sounding bitter at the concept of Zooble being happy about changing their body however they like and finding peace in it. He puts on a mask of carelessness and lightheartedness that is supposed to help him exacerbate the detachment, which he feels beneficial, but only makes things worse, and projects when asking whether Gangle is really able to be happy with zooble, "even if her mask still breaks all the time". And I already went DEEP in the Ragatha/Jax parallels, but Jax's depersonalisation & dissociation are nothing more than a defence mechanism because he's scared of getting close to people and getting hurt--just like Ragatha.

Jax subtly acts as a mirror for the entire first 5 episodes, and in episode 6 we see all these paths collide and then split.

We see three pairs, people we've gotten to known quite a bit, and we finally get Jax's point of view, his way of seeing the world. The mirrors are established.

What happens is--by the end of episode 6, each other character finally understands, has understood, or will soon understand the key to solving their core issue, the way out of the circus, the reason to risk living through real, painful life again which circles back to Pomni's core value: you need relationships to survive and thrive. You need to feel understood, known, loved if you want to be happy. If you're not alone, you can escape. (Again: metaphorical. Fuck if i know if they're ever leaving!)

Kinger opens up to Ragatha, and she does the same. We get a glimpse of what it felt for them to be some of the oldest members, to have clearly supported each other, how Ragatha helped Kinger through his guilt and grieving process; we see Ragatha mourn over Jax, Pomni, and then come to peace with the idea of having to work on some things because she cares about the relationships around her. She starts to learn that she needs to leave space for negative emotions, for rejection, for anger, in order to have fulfilling and true companionship.

Zooble and Gangle have one of the most beautiful examples of a scene where a relationship changes two people's entire mindset. As Zooble reminds gangle of her humanity, of connecting to that human side of her, of remembering she's a real person, of accepting the parts of herself she doesn't like and making that choice over and over even if it's hard--Gangle turns it back onto them and expresses admiration and adoration for the person Zooble is. As Gangle learns she can drop the happy mask, she can just be as she is, and people will still see and love her, Zooble realises there's no missing piece--or rather, that it's in the eyes of someone who sees you and understands who you are rather than how you look or present yourself.

And then there's Jax and Pomni.

The most interesting aspect of this dynamic? Jax and Pomni are similar--almost eerily. In a really short time, we've seen how easily they connect, how casually they seem to match each other's energy, how spending time with Jax actually helps Pomni, who lets go of some of her tension, remembers to have fun, which she can have because they're working as a team in the first place. Jax opens up to Pomni, in more ways than one; not only is he generally more honest, but he's willing to let her tease him and to tease himself when joking around. It's the first time in the show his mask drops, his defences fall down a little. They're both sarcastic, they're thrill-seekers, their humour can be a little mean, they play off of each other and seem to be in sync. They just fit. In a place where human connection is their only safety net, it feels ideal. It feels perfect.

And then, Jax pushes Pomni away. All the paths split here. All the mirrors break. Jax doesn't look at this connection, nor he thinks badly of it--he rejects it. He acts as if it was never there in the first place, walls back up. Because Jax hasn't processed his grief and guilt. Jax hasn't realised someone can like him despite how he looks, or what he likes. Jax hasn't understood that he can drop the mask and be accepted as he is. Jax doesn't understand that he can accept emotion, that it won't hurt him, or that the hurt is worth it to get the good part. Jax is terrified, scared, his scars too fresh but stubbornly ignored rather than taken care of. When everyone else reaches out, he shuts himself off.

Pomni's angry, and one of the best aspects of her character so far to me has been her immediate gut reaction, where she refuses to play his game, followed by her approach to Jax during episode 7: aware of what she sees inside him. Aware of how fragile he is, how unaware of his own lies he is. She doesn't forgive him, and doesn't really seek him out--she mostly acts like she does with everyone, with kindness. Because she's seen beyond the mask, she's seen a glimpse of "more", and realises he doesn't even know it's there. She doesn't try to solve him--she just acts kindly, because it's what she thinks he needs and what a good person does.

And therein lies the problem. Pomni's relationship to the other members is good. Pomni trusts the others, she knows she can, and she's probably the one person whose mental state is the most sound and intact. Pomni will be fine. Jax, on the other hand?

If the ticket out of the circus--whatever that means, metaphorical or not--is human relation, connection, trusting another to love you through something unpleasant and hard, facing the real world holding someone's hand, knowing there's someone who has your back no matter what--then no wonder he made the choice he made. The last mirror held up against him is looking around him and seeing the other members having someone, and being himself unable and unwilling to accept it for himself. Jax is so stuck in a whirlwind of dissociation and mental illness and trauma and trust issues that he denies the idea that he could have that, too.

local area code = hang up. this one is also a telemarketer but trying to be sneaky