then prove it

Here's the cat burglar. She wears comfy clothes and has zero social skills. She has sex appeal but only if you're into a very specific type of woman, and crucially she has zero idea she has it. She probably doesn't know what an innuendo is.

Here's the hacker. He's a Black nerd, and also the most moral character of the bunch. He's a nerd but also not socially awkward; in fact, he's the second best at grifting, right after the person who's been doing it for decades.

Here's the muscle. In his heart of hearts, he is a chef. He is tough and manly but he uses that to look out for the working class and children and everyone else the system leaves behind. He's feared by politicians and he reminds his friend to tip the delivery person.

Here's the femme fatale. She's over forty years old, and she's the one seducing the mark. She's the heart of the team. Her calling is to be a director. She loves attending her own funeral.

Here's the mastermind. He's the only one who doesn't start out as a career criminal. He manipulates his own crew, kills two people after promising them he won't, and takes deals behind their back. He was in seminary school.

And he’s also just now learning that Eliot has at some point lost his mind, because there’s an industrial quantity of cookie dough rolled into balls on a tray on the counter, along with a cooling pan of brownies and a batch of cupcakes that Eliot is furiously decorating.

‘Are we… hosting someone?’ Hardison asks, hovering in the doorway.

Eliot doesn’t answer the question but rather informs him, nodding at the cookie dough, ‘I’m gonna freeze those. Same with the sauce; gonna freeze it in portions so people just gotta heat it and boil some pasta.’ He holds up a box of freezer bags. ‘You wanna be helpful, you can divide this up for me.’

‘Hey, I never said anything about wanting to be helpful,’ Hardison objects, but comes and takes the box from him. ‘Seriously, what’s the occasion?’

‘You all eat like damn teenagers,’ Eliot says, ‘and I can’t cook after every job.’

That’s… fair. The bakery’s-worth of treats feels like it’s encouraging rather than staving off the teenage diet, but Hardison’s very much not inclined to ask further questions.

So really, Eliot chooses to give himself away. ‘You hear what Parker was saying?’ he asks, intensely focused on creating a perfect spiral on the cupcake in front of him.

Hardison ladles sauce into a freezer bag and ties it, then reaches out to snag a ball of cookie dough. ‘When?’

Eliot yanks the tray out of his reach, glaring. ‘I said they’re for freezing!’

‘Oh no,’ Hardison says, biting into the dough. ‘We may not have enough to see out the decade. What’d Parker say?’

‘About, uh.’ Eliot pauses, piping a delicate flower onto the next cupcake. ‘In the briefing. About knowing that kid was orphaned.’

‘Yeah, man, I think this one kinda hit close to home,’ Hardison says, though exactly how close, he isn’t about to share. ‘We might wanna—’

And then he breaks off, taking in the spread—feast, really—in front of them, as he remembers exactly what Parker said.

He’s hoarding food.

Right.

‘Oh, I get it,’ Hardison says, smile spreading across his face, warm, warm feeling spreading through his chest. ‘You’re a softie.’

Eliot’s murderous look is only slightly undercut by the piping bag full of pink frosting in his hands, but he doesn’t deny the obvious: as long as he has any say in it, Parker’s never going to feel so much as a little snacky without having food immediately available to her.

And Hardison already likes Eliot, might even be crushing on him a little. But right then he thinks, yeah. I could fall in love with you.

‘Hey,’ he says, pointing at the cupcake. ‘Will you teach me how to do those flower things?’

‘Fine,’ Eliot says.

‘And Parker likes sprinkles,’ Hardison adds.

nate: ok :)

leverage villain of the week: wh

leverage villain of the week: what do you mean “ok :)”

nate: 👍👍👍

leverage villain of the week:

BEST QUEERBAIT TV SHOW - ROUND 1

*Shows marked with an asterisk feature minor queer storylines

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