o day and night, but this is wondrous strange

#having a crush on your husband at their ripe old age

i was the on set food supervisor on the vampire lestat and my job was to put estrogen in everyones lunch like a dogs pill wrapped in ham. yeah just got the call i did so well they want me back and are giving me a raise

walking around like some sort of Fredding Stein…

got extremely stressed and upset about important things and decisions happening in my real adult life and then to relax i spent three hours writing devil's minion fanfiction. btw

a few years ago i was really nervous about moving to pennsylvania for grad school so to cope i wrote fifty pages of fanfiction about a movie i literally didnt see and didnt care to see but had seen the ship dynamics on tumblr. years earlier i was going insane from ocd and wrote tons of emmerdale fanfiction. and then years before that i was worried about going to college and wrote close to 100 pages of one direction fanfiction. this is the mechanism beneath literal years of my real human life

what’s the big deal about being avoidant. like ohhhh im dodging the bullet quick everyone lets mock the bullet dodger

this is my one wild and precious life fucckkkkkkk fuckkkkkk fucckcckkkkkkk

i cannot get over the visual of lestat's face screwed up, vomiting, and trying to speak through his vomit with the same rationalization of his abuse we have been hearing all season. i just can't get over it. the writing, the acting, the directing of that one moment is stuck in my head. we've heard these words before, but smoother in the past, the lestat pretending-everything-is-fine tone we've grown used to. to hear those same words shaking out between blood pouring from his mouth, tears in his eyes, the video still playing on the phone, that's not my mother, my mother is dead, she cannot be my mother, she is not my mother, she isn't, she isn't she isn't she isn't

that one hopecore message thats like "i WILL make it because i am crazy" but its neil josten who let his fucking countdown go down with no plan, no backup, no one even aware. lmao yes he is just that crazy. fate bows to his contumacious nature