Decisions
Iâve spend a long time trying to figure out how I wanted to do things on social media. What is my presence going to be like? How often will I post? What can I do to keep things alive?
These are just a few questions I asked myself.
When I was single I went to town on how often I posted on YouTube and created whatever I could I thought was interesting, fun, and within the means of getting noticed without sacrificing the love. I went through numerous different tactics and ways.
7 Minutes or Less is a platform that I felt would be good to introduce people to tv shows. Itâs gone through a number or different ways I wanted to present information. But now I think I know how I want to do things. Unfortunately, itâs taken a back seat in favor of movie reviews.
Love/Like/Hate felt dead on arrival because I started it and never really came around with any sort of focus. It was on films not trending and in the theater but ultimately I never got around to it.Â
But that soon evolved into Cinema Spotlight.Â
Cinema Spotlight really helped me focus. I started in late November of 2019 and I continued onwards till today. Iâve loved it.Â
Iâve spend a long time trying to do whatever one else was doing thinking it was my own idea when really I was just copying and pasting the idea and plastering it with the sign:
I wasnât finding my voice and I really couldnât reshape my approach to new films or up and coming tv shows without seemingly looking like someone elseâs idea.
Nevertheless, creating Cinema Spotlight truly helped me find my voice and my own niche. Choosing directors and going through their filmography seemed to be the way to go for me!
Then...recent developments in my life took place that I felt really hit me emotionally. Things were changing outside of my channel and I started to see how I have less and less time.Â
Some things I can get into and other things i canât. In hopes to keep them private I donât want to put anything out there in the universe that will throw everything Iâm talking about out the window. But some big changes in my life are coming and I need to start dedicating my time, effort and even money into them.
But what I can talk about is the expectations I had over establishing myself on this platform, the other social media outlets and the reality of what took place. So were going to dive into that.
So the first thing is between the different platforms I chosen I decided on Vimeo, YouTube, Tumblr (here) Facebook and Twitter.
Between all these platforms some made the cut others not so much. I certainly tried to get things started on here but never seemed to remember long enough that I even had an account. I would start something and never follow through. I would remember, restart and then forget simultaneously.Â
It ultimately came down to Facebook and Twitter to be my ultimate promotion outlets. Friends and followers. I settled with that and it wasnât too bad considering friends would watch what I would do once in a while and the followers I had maintained would watch as well. Bringing my videos to a fair 10-45 view count. Some videos have done better than others.Â
So believe you me I am extremely grateful for that.
But...something happened in one month that really...struck a chord with me. It actually hurt on a fundamental level that became not only a wake up call but something I just felt maybe I was misunderstanding.
It came around the time I chose Peter Jackson for my next director. I planned on going through all his films and give a really special treatment to his Lord of the Rings trilogy.Â
Before even watching any of his films I decided to prep for the biggest project I would ever tackle in a long time: Collaborations.Â
I decided this would be a perfect opportunity to invite fans, friends and followers in to talk about LOTR. That is if they were fans of the franchise to begin with.Â
I reached out to friends and asked them if they would like to be apart of it. 8 out of 10 times I got a yes. Sadly, as the weeks went on when I got started...not everyone had the time to sit down and record their favorite scenes or situations to make it by the deadline. It was even worse reaching out on Twitter.
The people I would have loved to be apart of this LOTR project either were not interested because LOTR was not their thing or they simply chose never to get back to me. Which is what actually hurt the most.
Most of my life I see something I love I spend a long time trying to share it with others who havenât seen it. I try not to force it and allow one to watch a movie or tv show genuinely so i donât ruin the experience. But all my life I havenât been able to share the love Iâve had for these things because iâve been surrounded by family and friends who I didnât get into it. They probably loved or liked it fine but not on the same level as me.
Iâve learned to accept that for the most part but i this particular situation with the LOTR project...I did put out there a âcall to actionâ.Â
Not that I felt a massive response of âyesâ and ânosâ were needed in order to feel great about myself but the fact that I didnât get anything at all. Hurt me to the core.
If you go onto my channel youâll see the first 5 films Peter has done are reviewed with a preface from me calling all LOTR fans. I ask if anyone wants to be apart of my review let me know and that anyone could reach out to me on Twitter.
Unless I actually reached out to someone personally on Twitter...i never got a single hit. No messages. Nothing on Youtube either.Â
There were even a few people on Twitter I reached out to that neglected to even respond back with a yes or no.
In the end, you get the idea. The project was a dud. No friends could be apart of it. No followers or subs showed interest. And before this âwoe is meâ bull crap goes on any further I blame myself for not doing more. But what hurt with what I had no control over was the lack of interest from anyone.
This came down to logically seeing what the problem was.Â
I could see that Honestly I didnât have the proper heft in anyoneâs platform to gain that kind of collaboration. I just simply didnât have enough of an online presence. Jealousy and resentment kicked in feeling wronged by everyone who ignored me and life taking over which were things I had no control over but felt like it would be just typical for me to have no weigh in to having people falling over backwards to be apart of my project.Â
That was on me. Having that kind of expectation. But it really put a damper on the cloud looming over me that month.Â
In that time other things came about that just shut me down. I couldnât handle the rejection or lack of passion from others and I just turned it around and blamed myself for even trying. So I took a break from all social media platforms.
After 3 months I found myself returning reviewing The Frighteners, Peter Jacksonâs 6th film just before LOTR.
In that same month of June the unthinkable but entirely plausible thing happened.
My facebook profile was hacked.Â
Everything I had within my profile is now gone. You should know I did try to recover it back. But the approach I took ended up becoming timely, costly and frustrating to where I am at the point of just leaving my profile to die.Â
This in lue of the big changes i aforementioned there is something I did want to bring to light. I may be taking a small risk on bringing it up and I understand in light of the circumstances this may not even matter but...Â
I am going to put my review channel on hold.Â
Not because of the things I mentioned before so this isnât a pity party or a build up of emotions that hinder me from performing. Itâs actually a lot different than that.
What I plan to do is focus my energy on something I donât think Iâve considered in a long while.Â
Currently I am trying to write a book. A horror novel that has a lot of details, emotions, story beats and itâs something I really want to dedicate my time to. I donât know what will come out of it but I do know I want to focus on it and get as much as I can done and hopes to see where it can go.
I plan to return to Youtube at some point but the reason Iâm bothering with this announcement is because I see my subscribers as long term investors to my content. You all were generous enough to subscribe because you liked or loved that one video I made. You saw no problem in taking the time to click that button and say, âHey, you were cool. You are worth my time.â
I feel you should know is merely on that fact that you gave me the consideration. I wanted to give you mine. If iâm able to Iâd like to come back in the new year. Itâs a stretch but enough time for me to dedicate to this novel. I need to get somewhere with it.Â
As far as being on Tumblr...its a hit and a miss sometimes. I donât know when I can dedicate any time to you other than use this as a platform to talk about my thoughts and feelings.Â
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!!
















