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biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

woe! texted a casual acquaintance "I've been considering getting into knotting"

jaguarguard

Why?

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

KNITTING TYPO

i-suggest-murder

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

thank you faithful henchpeople of tumblr. you do my bidding well...

mercyandmountainwater

Once upon a time a group of idiots (The Boston Raiders) decided to steal their captains phone and prank call his girl.

Shane (Home sick with a horrible cold) (Bored) (Missing his boyfriend) replies in a deep gravelly voice: Hey, how’s my baby doing?

The Boston raiders then hang up the phone and never talk about Ilya Rozanov’s secret boyfriend who they all assume must be the gruffest biker/lumberjack/bouncer in the world.

phantomrose96

If you are a PET trying to help your HUMAN just remember the acronym WAY

Are you in the Way?

Are you in the wAy?

Are you in the waY?

If the answer to all three is YES then you are HELPING 👏👏👏

sleepyeepy

currently obsessed w the idea of hollanov rough housing and wrestling like ALL THE TIME

bc while yes they r sweet and soft and tender w one another they are also boys at heart and incredibly jock4jock

they’re running down the hallway with each other in a headlock after dinner w yuna and david laughing and pushing at each other until they accidentally knock a picture off the wall and yuna has to put them in a time out

two grown 6” tall , 200 lb professional athletes sitting in a corner pointing fingers at each other and blaming the other for getting them in trouble

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perlukafarinn

Canon divergent AU where Shane is a little more paranoid and when Hayden first comments on "Boston Lily", he decides he has to do something to break up the pattern and make it not so noticeable that he's got someone on Boston.

Not seeing Rozanov is not an option, so instead Shane picks out a few other cities to regularly go out by himself in. He'll go for a long walk, maybe sit down somewhere for a drink, and then catch a taxi back to the hotel an appropriate amount of time later. It's honestly pretty nice, unwinding by himself in this way, and now disappearing after games is not a thing specific to Boston! It's just another strange Hollander quirk!

Unfortunately, he fails to account for the guys on the team jumping on the most obvious explanation for all these disappearances, which is that Shane now has a girl in every port.

Word about this starts to spread quick, because it is so out of character for Shane, and pretty soon half the league is under the impression that he's some secret playboy.

Ilya is extremely not chill about this rumor.

maybe-flora

it will forever be a little insane to me how ilya rozanov, born and raised in russian, total jock/party bro, father-is-police-brother-is-police guy, somehow has never had an ounce of internalized homophobia in his body. canonically just saw being bi as an extra opportunity for hot sex. started experimenting with guys at 16 and simply never questioned it. and like yeah he’s a top but it’s also so clear that he does not see being a bottom as a demeaning or less masculine thing in the slightest. this man goes on to wear leopard shirts and booty shorts and flicks his hands gayfully and makes gay jokes at his jock colleagues and being tender with other men is like second nature to him and He’s actually the one to makes the ‘oh are you scared of being gay?’ ‘cuz I thought you might be gay when you were sucking my dick’ jokes.

this man this mannnn i want to pick his brain apart with a tweezer

kickmuncher3

I had a dream that I went to heaven and heaven had its own heaven-exclusive tv shows that were written and produced there in heaven and they showed me the most popular show in heaven and it was this really beautiful drama and, at the end of the episode, the credits said “Created by Mike Ehrmantraut” and they were like “oh yeah. fictional characters who die in earth media go to real heaven” and I’m like “sure but mike did some pretty fucked up stuff, wouldn’t he go to hell?” and they’re like “no, all the fucked up things he did were fictional. people only get judged for the real things they do and the only thing mike really did was bring joy to millions of viewers” and i think that’s beautiful

ticklefighthockey

I still think it’s so funny that shane was assigned gay by rose landry and his reaction was WHEW! thank god someone else decided that for me. anyway I’m off to get my man I can sense that he’s making bad decisions in a club somewhere

ilyas-left-nut

oh he’s RIGHT where he wants to be

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hellyeahheistbooks

One day, Ilya makes one joke too many about Shane having a "weak backhand" so, of course Shane "Anything you can do I can do better" Hollander gets a hat trick in his next game with exclusively backhanded shots. Ilya has never been so horny in his life. Ilya also does not stop making the weak backhand jokes.

bugslibraryy

Ilya looooooves having a husband. He’s a menace online talking about his husband, leaning how to be the best husband. He’s posting on mummy blogs like my husband is a fussy eater I need recipe suggestions. He’s on reddit asking what is best gift for my husband and everyone is like what is the occasion and he is like because I love him so much. He’s leaving product reviews like wow my husband loves this hoodie so much I’m buying 5 more thank you!!! He’s emailing hotels asking what thread count sheets they have because his husband is sensitive and won’t sleep well if the sheets aren’t right. Ilya is deep in bird watching forums figuring out ethical bird feeders because Shane had mentioned that he liked seeing the birds feed in the morning while he drinks his coffee. He is my man my man my man certified

birdandvine

Good Morning, I Am Not Going to Commit Suicide Today, by Kimmy Walters

kobrafangs

let’s go centaurs!

willgrahamscock

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pukiirice

All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honour, you leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.

depsidase

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