sweet baby~

did you know that petting me is free? you can pet me anytime and it's totally free

can someone please unfreeze time

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah , yeah yeahyeah yeah yeah

i’m literally 22 and all my coworkers are my parents ages T-T

I'm really tired and out of it

Turned out i was dehydrated

College will acquaint you so thoroughly to the reality that your body has needs that, if unmet, will make you feel like Death For A Thousand Years In The Abyss, a fate so disproportionate to the simplicity of drinking An Water or eating A Food or perhaps indulging in A Sleep or Washing Off The Gunk, that you are constantly humbled by the pure silliness of being made of mortal flesh

this is a life saving advice

I’m a magician in the sheets 😏 *pulls a rabbit out of my pussy*

-Mary Toft, 1726

Hold on I need to look something up

What

yeah. sorry

hey if you have a pet or pets you need to reblog this rn and tell me in the tags what their names are. bonus points for including what kind of animal.

fuck of a lot of you named your pets Loki

they were like "that's a real crime that happens to real people!" like how did they think that would go irl? do they think someone would introduce themself, say, "hey, my name is arson, what's yours?" and then the response they'd get us, "a‐arson...? 😰 like.... as in... setting property on fire....? that.... that happened to me once, i... i need to sit down.."

i saw someone here on tumblr claim it was racist because they thought arson happened more to poc or something

what happened to the skeleton war, you guys used to love the skeleton war