Scream Queens was really ahead of its time

applying for jobs sucks so bad i wish i could be one of the crabs that ate amelia earhart

why do you hate women

Maybe the crabs were women? But you didn't think about that did you

[doesn't really understand conspiracy theories but wants to be involved] jfk didn't kill himself

remembering the one time my straight-laced history professor who delivered the most dry, rehearsed lectures one time misspoke and called the pope "the poop" and i struggled so hard not to laugh for five minutes straight that i had to leave the lecture hall and go to the bathroom just to unleash the loudest guffaw in my life

I hurt my back pretty reasonably at work today and unfortunately I couldn’t stop laughing because my first thought was “workplace injury barbie”

i call my parents and say ‘yeah i can’t do family stuff tonight, i got too much stuff to do for school’ and i e-mail my professor and say ‘i can’t do my assignments tonight, work got crazy’ and i text my boss and say ‘sorry i can’t work late tonight, i gotta some family stuff’ and through this triangulation of deceitful excuses i at last will be free

hate when a female character gets a lot of hate but I dont like her either. sorry queen I cant defend you