[InsertSarcasmHere]

moby girldick

I mean, he is chasing dick

the real white whale was testosterone

assigned whaler at birth

Hi! Are you cis in the UK and you'd like to support trans rights? Great!

How: buy a trans flag pin and wear it in public.

Why: chaff is an overwhelming amount of false positives so that when a missile gets close to the plane, it hits the chaff and not the plane.

In practice: the goal is to make it DIFFICULT to identify trans people to target with bathroom bans, and to create many FALSE POSITIVES for businesses.

Basically, you might get accused of being trans and kicked out, because of the badge. You say: I wear the badge because trans rights matter.

You follow up with a letter to the business saying you're fucking furious because some nosy dipshit just tried to play fucking genital police with you in the loos. You know lots of trans people (don't name any, if you do) and you wear the pin in support and you're disgusted at them for allowing this.

Blame the business for allowing the behaviour.

Businesses see that their cis customers are getting bothered over a badge and may clarify trans-inclusive policies, so they can kick out the bathroom botherers instead of nice cis allies.

You only need to buy and wear the badge, and you are protecting trans people. You can be genuinely heroic. Even one cis person doing this helps, and everyone you get to join in helps even more.

Non-affiliated badge link:

https://rainbowandco.uk/collections/trans-pride/products/transgender-pride-flag-badge

My pet is so sleepy, warmed from the sun coming in through the window that makes your naked body glow like an angel in my bed. How am I supposed to turn away from that? 

I have to join you, snuggling up behind you and pulling you against my chest. The happy, sleepy noises you make are so cute and your skin is so hot under my lips and hands. I can’t help feeling you up, so soft and perfect. 

Except here, between your thighs is a sticky mess. You whine and try to hide your face in the pillow when I find it, sliding my fingers over your hole and smearing the mess up over your cock. I shush you, lining my cock up behind you and slipping it between your wet thighs, over your tight hole and brushing against your cock. 

You whine again, groggy and half-asleep but still grinding down against my cock. I put a hand on your hip, making you slow, “Shh go to sleep, pet. I’ll make sure you get what you need, okay?”

You nod, stilling and letting me take control of you. I move nice and slow, coaxing you to sleep with long, soft thrusts between your thighs. 

Your little snores are so adorable and they let me know you’re deep asleep. Then my cock, soaked in your wetness, catches on your hole and slides in, in one slow thrust. I pause seeing if I’ve woken you up, but you only tense for a second then relax again. I feel how hot and tight you are around me as i start fucking you for real. Still moving slowly but pressing all the way in each time. 

Your wet cunt makes the sweetest noises, I can’t help but move faster, gripping your hips and using them to pull you back on my cock. You feel so good, I can't help but lose myself in the feeling: groaning and slamming into you.

I don’t even notice when you wake up, confused and already on the edge of an orgasm, or when you start pushing back against me, meeting me for each hard thrust. I go faster, moaning in your ear as I feel your cunt clamp down on me as you cum.

Finally, I notice you're awake when you start making desperate noises and trying to get away from my cock as your cunt spasms from overstimulation. But I'm so close now, I can’t stop.

Let me get a good look at those snarling fangs, so vicious aren’t you? Go ahead and try to bite me, see what happens. You’ll end up with a bright red mark on that pretty cheek of yours. You don’t want that do you? Don't make me have to hit my sweet puppy. 

No, you want to be a good pet for me. Listen to me and say ahh. Let me stick my gloved fingers in your mouth and press on your gums. I want to make sure my puppy’s teeth are nice and strong. 

So quiet now aren’t you? Do you like how that feels, when I rub my fingers over your sensitive gums? Of course you do, your jaw is so slack now. Holding your tongue out like such an obedient pup and you’re not even trying to growl anymore.

Let me run my fingers over that drooling tongue now. How far can you take them down your throat? It’s is so hot and wet, perfect for fucking. 

Place a toy on the ground between his legs and order him to “Sit” as you watch him kneel and put the toy in his cunt until he’s fully sat to the floor

Then while he’s whimpering and squirming make sure to practice “Stay” so he knows not to move while you put yourself in his drooling mouth.

Make sure to give him lots of praise and tell him how much of a good boy he is when he listens to his commands. If he does a good job and gets you off with his mouth reward him by letting him finish on the toy while you tease his dick with your fingers. If all goes well he’ll barely be able to stand after <3

Innes Keeper's Formula For Fantastic Grilled Cheeses (for nearly no extra spoons!)

Are you hungry? Do you have a hankering for grilled cheese sandwiches like, way more than a normal person maybe? Great news! I am about to give you the secret knowledge I stole, like Prometheus himself, from the Akashic Records—to bring back to Prudencia! And I’m even doing it without a ten hour long lecture about how the Akashic Records makes me think of idfk, 9/11, and how that relates to sandwiches.

I will, however, briefly say this: You gotta trust me when I say cooking grilled cheeses via this formula WILL grant you Bloodborne Insight. There is no fucking reason that making a grilled cheese this fucking delicious should be this fucking easy. I feel like I’m cheating God every time I do it because it takes (nearly) no extra spoons. And here’s where I show you why.

Scientifically Proven Perfect Extremely Easy Grilled Cheese

INGREDIENTS — SEASONINGS -butter, i usually use 2 or 3 tablespoons per sandwich -garlic cloves, I use 3 usually -a source of heat, like red pepper flakes, or szechuan peppers -a source of spice OR a source of sweetness, such as dijon mustard or honey. slather that motherfucker on a slice of your bread. -a source of herbiness, such as oregano, thyme, sage, rosemary, etc in any combination that goes well together or on its own. if someone tries to tell you that you need it fresh, they’re fucking lying, the 2$ crushed powdered sage is fucking great. experiment with other spices such as ground turmeric if you're spicy

INGREDIENTS - THE METAPHORICAL MEAT OF THE SANDWICH -two slices of bread per sandwich. this is actually a massive influence on your sandwich taste and texture as a whole. a basic white or wheat will still be fucking delicious because like I said, I stole this from the Akashic Records cookbook section and found it under “fucking perfect grilled cheeses forever”. However, if you CAN—getting bread like brioche, texas toast, brown bread, rye, or sourdough will make a sandwich already being elevated super easily to “pay 23 dollars at a fancy restaurant” level of elevation.

-one to three types of cheese per sandwich. you can get away with one type but really try for two or three if you can swing it. this is also one of those massive influences over the sandwich—listen, i know, that’s obvious, but stay with me—what matters isn’t the SPECIES of cheese, it’s the TYPE of cheese. getting the deli at your local Safeway or Walmart or whatever and asking for the cheese they gotta cut (or just in general the fancier, better-quality cheeses) is literally the only major requirement that I ask of you. If you are on SNAP/EBT programs, me too, and I promise you: Please do this. Please trust me when I say do not get the cheap Kraft-type cheese because it’s less money. I know it’s a bit extra but it’s only a bit to get like 1/4 or 1/3lb and you have no idea how much I’m actually getting a little emotional about this, because the “rice with butter and beans or top ramen every single day” life is soulsucking and sickening and it is genuinely one of the greatest sources of suffering to human beings I can imagine, I’m serious. Following this formula will genuinely change your life/mental health just a bit because you know that you have one meal that is super delicious, super filling, pretty damn cheap when it comes to how much you get, and super easy to make on days where the idea of doing more than just 15 minutes MAX is gonna make you wanna die.

super sorry for that paragraph btw i just really cannot overstate how this is a lifechanger especially when youre poor/low spoons/depressed. delicious food makes me not be as depressed. this is that.

METHOD

Take garlic cloves and crush them either with the meat of your palm or the flat of a knife or literally anything that would crush good. Take bread slices and put a source of spice or sweetness if you are using one. take a pan and put it on the stove on low-medium heat (aka a 2 out of 10).

Place the butter in the pan, as well as the garlic cloves, the source of heat, and the source of herbiness. Congratulations you have now literally done ALL the extra effort that you need to make a grilled cheese like this. That’s it. No extra dishes. No fussing with amounts or chopping or whatever. That’s it.

The butter will melt in the pan and soak up the delicious ingredients that you also put into the pan. Take each slice of bread and place it in the pan to butter it, OR just take one slice, place the cheese on it, and then put the other bread on. It’s really just a matter of extra effort.

When the bread is in the pan, turn it up to medium heat (5 out of 10) and just sorta let it sit for a bit. When you can see the cheese start to get visibly melty—or when you vibecheck it—flip it once and just do the same thing.

When you’ve grilled your cheese on both sides, take it out of the pan and put it on a plate (or just a paper towel to save on dish spoons. btw paper plates and plastic utensils are a fucking godsend if you hate dishes and/or can’t do them very easily/takes a lot of effort.)

Closest match: Crouania attenuata isolate PD2952 plastid Common name: Small Banded Jelly Weed

However, I think I would find it a lot less boring if I was watching it with someone and I got to watch them get progressively more flushed and squirmy and embarrassed the longer we were watching.

Or if I was being ordered to watch it while masturbating in an attempt to condition me to develop a whole bunch of filthy and humiliating kinks

Or if someone sent me their favorite videos and told me which ones they liked to imagine us recreating together so I got to think about them and how turned on they were by what I was watching the whole time

You are very familiar with this route. There is a particularly rough - and exquisitely delightful - section of track just up ahead. You shut your eyes and let your head fall back, and hear his breaths quicken even as you make your own slow.

He lets his guard down when he thinks you are asleep; you hear soft squeaking from the seat as he shoves himself down harder, and then a squeak from him. You can’t blame him - the train has hit the rough tracks, and it feels very, very good.

But his soft embarrassed noises are better yet, and best of all is the sight of his writhing when you seem it safe to open your eyes.

He doesn’t notice.

His eyes are half-closed and dazed, the poor slutty creature. He is biting down on the side of his thumb to muffle his needy whimpers. He notices nothing but the delicious rumble through his dripping wet cunt - he is shivering from it, his legs are quivering and spreading.

But the rough tracks don’t go on long enough.

You know it well; he does not. He finds out only when they end, and he whines aloud in desperate denial, and looks up in horror with his hand clapped guiltily over his mouth - and sees you watching him with a smile.

You put a hand on his knee.