66 days
So I’m sitting at work, listening to my music, scanning away and all of a sudden I feel like I can’t breathe. My mind reeling. What if I mess things up when you get here. What if I end up ruining everything I’ve spent the last 7 years building. I know there’s no reason to be panicking like this. I change the song; hoping it will help me calm down. It only works a little. The weight in my chest shifting slightly to a place it feels easier to bear but never leaving. I breathe slowly, focusing on the motions of each breath. 66 days till I get to see you in person again. 66 days till my best friend moves to where he belongs. 66 days to panic and doubt myself. Minutes pass slowly, the clinic buzzing with activity around me; but I’m trapped in my mind. Breathe in…..breathe out. It’ll be okay, everything will be fine. Breathe in……breathe out. I tune back into my music. “It’s your life. You wait five minutes and it’s all but over” I take solace in the lyrics, knowing they are true. Its just my anxiety flaring for no reason; there’s nothing to worry about. One more breath and everything is back to normal. No longer trapped, just simply stuck at work like every other day. 66 days….
It’s been 477 days since this post….and there’s still 21 days till your supposed to be here…..everyday has been an uphill climb but maybe, just maybe, we are on the downhill slope….
1972 days……I should have listened to the panic. Everything is different, some of it in a good way, some of it not.
