He Who Soils First

I got a new dress!

When daddy @dprlvrpottyh8r makes you wear a pull-up to work all week because your peed your panties like onneee time 🙄

sometimes i wonder why i have this kink. i used to comb through my memories trying to find a moment to explain why.

i know kinks can manifest without rhyme or reason, but i still find myself looking for an answer. did something traumatic or meaningful happen to me as a child? was there something missing that i was trying to fulfill? was this a coping mechanism in some way?

but the truth is: i am just built like this. i am just factory settings abdl. there’s no trauma to explain away this kink - it’s simply a part of me and always has been.

from a very young age, i knew there was something different about me. even when i was 3-4 i was fetishizing diapers and incontinence. i stole diapers as a child. i daydreamed about wetting myself. i always felt intrigued by the sensation of diapers. the squishy, warm, wet padding snug around my private parts. i knew these were probably not “normal” thoughts but i didn’t know what to do with them.

somehow i managed to avoid finding abdl online until i was in college. i remember after my roommate went to bed i would watch abdl videos on tumblr, binge-watching people filling their diapers and feeling so insanely turned on by it, it was like a high. then, i would feel so much shame and confusion and disgust that i would delete tumblr, and punish myself. the classic binge and purge.

for the past 6 years, i’ve been an abdl lurker. i would scroll through abdl tumblr in a frenzy, like a madwoman- only allowing myself to explore in secret, shameful moments. then i would feel overwhelming shame and swear i would NEVER go back to this kink. a vicious, inevitable cycle.

for years, this kink has been the only thing getting me off. i think about it all the time, i dream about it, i cannot switch this part of me off, no matter how hard i have tried in the past.

everything changed towards the end of 2025. i don’t know if it was because my brain finally fully developed or what, but i decided i am DONE being miserable. i’m DONE living in secrecy and shame. this kink is fun. it’s weird and silly and intimate and beautiful. and it takes a special person to understand the nuances of it.

to all the factory setting abdl people out there searching for an answer: you don’t need one. just let yourself be. embrace the randomness and serendipity of being blessed by the diaper fairy ✨

Not all of us find acceptance like this within ourselves so early in life. 25 might not seem young but a lot of people go through the binge/purge cycle and hiding their feelings for decades because of internal or external reasons. Carrying that kind of stress your whole life can't be healthy.

these are supposed to be max absorbency diapers 😮‍💨

listen really closely to hear the crackle and 💨 in my diapy as i lose control and make pushies at the store :/ this is my second legit accident this week. already some mushy started coming out driving over but i hadn't noticed til i got inside.

mornings it's generally the hardest to hold my 💩 but since i don't always feel like i have to go til i've started my day, most of my actual accidents don't happen til i'm out n about. super convenient, all i feel is a quick urge and then it's game over. makes it easy to film tho, so theres that i guess lol.

Guess I wasn’t quite ready for big kid undies yet… 🙈💭

Mendaú when Brick has a messy diaper

Sorry for the lack of art. im just dealing with stuff, but my life is slowly coming together!