DJ SRSLY

murakami has always been one of my favorite (if not my favorite artist) as soon as I was introduced to him. being able to see his exhibit at the MCA in Chicago solo was one of my favorite experiences from one of my favorite weekends ever. specifically, I have always been drawn to his "flower" series. his "superflat" style has always resonated with me (super bright colors! cel animated style!), so much so that it is a third of my tattoo sleeve. what I love most about this series is starting with "flowers in heaven", murakami "hid" non-smiling flowers throughout the piece. I always identified with the idea that even within a sea of literal happiness, there is a seed of sadness. Increasingly, I've also identified with the idea of dazzling the viewer with displays of color and happiness to conceal the seeds of discontent. 2017 was a difficult year for many people (but also a great year for friends and loved ones, which makes me happy), but it was definitively the most difficult year I've ever experienced. to be clear, this year broke me in a way I did not know it could be broken. to be pointedly clear, 2017 was the year that the seed of sadness grew into me deciding not *if* I should end my own life, but *when* I should end my own life. I felt that I had experienced the full spectrum of human experience, and was weary of continuing. looking back, I am very fortunate that I made it 34 years on this earth without experiencing how truly painful life can be. I mention this publicly because I know talking to other friends that I love and admire and cherish that I was not the only one to have similar thoughts this past year, and realizing that I was falling prey to that ancient pair of lies-that my problems are specific (nobody knows how I feel) and insurmountable (I can't escape the problems I have), and how applicable that old chestnut about "permanent solutions to temporary problems" is.

maybe my favorite video of all time?