whenever you see one of those posts about transitioning as an adult and how its never too late and how there's hope for you too with that one scene from i saw the TV glow inevitably being added in with someone's reblog, it is always always about binary trans people. its for men or its for women. the posts that are general will have people add on and say "i transitioned into a man/woman at [30+] its never too late" and they are never genderqueer or fluid or flux or outside of the binary. you never find these things for people like me and it makes me want to cry. why cant nonbinary people be real. why cant we be happy and supported and treated as normal and respected without anyone batting an eye or expecting an explanation? why cant we medically transition and change our name and our documents and get old and be loved for who we are? why can't we be people? why can't we have anything?
i just wish it looked like there was any hope at all but it's like we're not real. the world doesn't think i'm real or that i matter. it doesn't leave any hope for me. it doesn't even a little bit.
i know this is a vent ask but dawg those posts exist. there’s a lot of them. i’ve shared them. don’t get mad at binary trans people and seek out posts by and about non binary trans people instead. the internet is a big place. it exists
100% They exist. I am one.
Hi! I'm RJ and I came out as nonbinary at 35. I started going by a different name (see above) a few years later. I started HRT just a year ago, which was at age 40. I had surgery at 37. I am not a man nor a woman and while I'm not aiming for androgyny in my appearance, I want to be genderqueer enough that people aren't sure which is appropriate.
And, oh boy, let me tell you about two weeks ago when I was at a public festival and met a bunch of new people and one of the guys asked me, "RJ, are you a 'he' or a 'her'?" He clocked me as a man. And she clocked me as a woman. And the gender euphoria I felt at that time was the best moment of my life.
Sure, a lot of people don't understand nonbinary. A lot of people, even trans people are stuck thinking of gender in binary. I've been misgendered a bunch by many people both cis and trans, but that's not the end of the world. There's so much more out there. You can be older and transition as a nonbinary person. We exist.
Not to share someone else's story for them but I want to share what I have seen. I had a therapist that was age 35-40. I wanted a queer therapist I could talk to while I started T. When I met B, the therapist, they were queer in some way but not out or understood themself enough yet. Later, she came out as nonbinary and started estrogen hrt, and experimenting wearing makeup. She changed her name and pronouns at the office and was respected. She got to experience changing emotions and so much was added to her life. She is still happily married. B had originally been in mostly binary trans spaces, and she still found herself.
Also, I've been to a queer youth leadership summer camp for two summers where all counselors and staff were 21+ . Many of them were in their 30s, and many of them are nonbinary and absolutely not trying to conform anything. I met all sorts of nonbinary adults fully successful in their lives. People were transitioned, transitioning, or not transitioning in all sorts of ways, had jobs that respected them, great family and friends, and a full summer camp where no one bats an eye at them, including the counselors who used neo and xeno pronouns.
I've been to PFLAG meetings where there were nonbinary adults there who had been out years and others who want to transition in their later life and they were all some of the kindest people.
And as always, you can BE the person you want to see in the world. There is hope. These people have always been out there, are out there. There is a place for you to be yourself. And so many stories and real people to find. I've seen so much of what you're tying to find, it's out there I promise.
I want to leave with this video that comforted me a long few years ago when I was so scared while discovering my gender identity:
https://youtu.be/Bo2FgrTfubw
Also this cool underrated channel about being queer around the world:
https://youtube.com/@queersoftheworld
