the feel of the ring in his hand stings, maybe not physically, but emotionally. he doesnโt want this; wants better for them, and certainly doesnโt want the feeling of such an offensive object, but he isnโt what she wants anymore. how many times had she made that clear again, again, again. he wasnโt sure how many times he could make room for her in his hear only to have her torn away again. each time it left him bleeding worse than before, bea always seemed to be able to hurt him better than anyone else.
โ thatโs bullshit and you know it, โ the male growls out. heโs not able to look at her in that moment. did she really not know that she was more to him then that. if she wanted him to step aside he would, for her he would remove himself from the picture in a heartbeat, but why she couldnโt be honest with him for once rather than making him out to be the villainย again ( history was destined to repeat itself he supposed )ย
there should have been an element of surpriseย at the fact she still the ring, he supposed, but then there had been a part of him hoping. hopping she still had it as something that tied him to her so that he wouldnโt have to deal with the fact that maybe there wasnโt a space for them in each otherโs lives anymore, and just maybe she was better off without him there to remind her of all the pain the two of them had managed to cause each other.
what was he even doing her? stood in the middle of her home. herโs not his, something within her life that he clearly has no part in. it should have made leaving easier he supposed, but then asher has always been stupidly loyal. heโd been told once that his loyalty to lars would get him killed, clearly they had predicted the wrong person. itโs almost as if she has no concept of what how messed up she makes him. the horrible effect she seems to have on him far too often.
โ i dont think i know anything anymore, โ and he means it doesnโt he, no matter how harsh the words come across. those dog tags, they were a symbol of the hell he had been through to get to her. the ring was supposed to be their future, and yet clearly bea was far happier remaining in the past. he wasnโt sure how any of this was meant to be in his favour, and yet, he was so tired. ash simply didnโt have it in him to fight anymore.
โ well i hope you find it sweetheart. โ
she thought letting go of the ring would make her lighter. it had been weighing on her for so long, she thought releasing it would set her free, would set them both free, and she would be able to move on. ( was that what she really wanted ? ) instead, she feels as if something is pulling her by the heart, unbreakable strings that extended from that golden circle to her chest, and the further he pulled, the more torn she was. she was giving up a part of her when she thought she was returning a piece of him ( maybe there was no difference between the two at this point ).
โ no, itโs not. โ her voice has a firmness thatโs never been heard from her lips.ย โ you donโt wanna talk to me, ash, โ the previous strength is undercut by a small whine. she can feel the tears well up, her throat close up.ย โ i get that you probably hate me, but if weโre gonna live in the same place you have to let me say something. โ she hadnโt expected the flutter within her when she first saw him at the cafรฉ. she seemed to bloom again. and then at the party, she could see a glimmer of hope, maybe they could go back to the way they were.
she kept looking for ways to apologize, to let him know how much regret had been piling up since she left him, how much she wished she would have turned around and saidย โ i doย โ. when she finally said something, he was the one who was gone. that much was clear. he wanted nothing to do with her and yet they had to live in the same town, with the same friends. sheโs still the same messed up girl who let her fears get the better of her at the worst possible moment, but he doesnโt look at her the same way anymore.
โ thereโs nothing i can do about that, if you donโt know by now. โ she hastily wipes away her tears, not wanting to make this a bigger deal than it had to be ( but it was a big deal. the biggest dealย ). sheโs given him parts of her that he could never return. she would always be a little bit incomplete, a little bit too entwined with him. the only way to pull her apart would be to rip her away like a bandaid, and she wouldnโt survive the impact.
she runs her hands through her hair, desperation and heartbreak in her eyes as the familiar pet name that used to make her chest bloom now feels like like a knife to the heart, killing the very thing that blossomed in her. she tries to make sense through the tears and the burning sensation in her throat. โ donโt you think thatโs whatโs best ?ย i donโt want to hurt you. and i know thatโs rich coming from me, i know. but it seems like the more i try to fix things, the more you hate me, and i donโt want you to hate me. at least not more than you already do. โ
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