any threat to the empire must be dealt with

hello!! I’m Midge (27; she/they)! This is a semi-selective, mutuals only, multi-everything FFXII OC sideblog! 20+ muns only.

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Gods above, Caelen was far too kind for her. Not once had he batted an eye or balked when she asked him to take on the bulk of parenthood, or when she expressed her desire to return to her life as a Judge once their child was born. He just... went along with it, and was nothing but supportive and loving to her, even as her anxiety grew and the weight in her heart almost became too heavy to bear. Myra was safe with him, she knew, and...

So was she. And she didn't want to give him up so easily.

*use this site to generate 10 headcanons, then tag people! Repost, don't reblog.

Gylfie

Gylfie has chronic nightmares.

Gylfie desperately needs a hug but doesn't know it and refuses to ask for one.

Gylfie can beat you up and will.

Gylfie has punched a hole in their wall.

Gylfie doesn't own a single pair of matching socks.

Gylfie forgets to eat sometimes.

It would not take much for Gylfie to turn evil.

Gylfie always has a knife on them.

Gylfie is a top.

Gylfie is great with kids.

Myra

Myra can't sit in a chair properly.

Myra is oblivious to any and all romantic interest someone may show them.

Myra does not know what sleep is.

If Myra likes someone, they will give them a pretty rock.

Myra is a horrible liar.

Myra knocks people over by hugging them.

Myra steals other people's clothes.

Myra is not good with social cues.

Myra can beat you up if deserved.

Myra chews their nails when nervous.

Gylfie's head tilted as she stared up at Mithran with her heart still pounding. He stared innocently back, and she wondered how that would change if he knew what she meant. If he knew why he could hear her heart race the way it did when she was around him. Would he hate her, she wondered? Would he scorn her or laugh at her? Would he think her foolish for feeling the way she did?

Her mother told her they were going someplace safer, somewhere away from Takrin, and somewhere they could be with her father. Gylfie was confused, and frightened, seeing how panicked her mother seemed, so she didn't fight it. She didn't question what she meant about her father, or why they were running to Old Archades. And... admittedly, she was glad to get away from Takrin.

In Old Archades, Alsga brought her to Theodric - her actual father, she explained to her. Gylfie was nervous and standoffish, but... didn't complain then, either. Her mind reeled with information she struggled to understand, but she barely had time to ask questions before the three of them began to run once more. They left Old Archades, left Archadia, and Theodric promised them they would be safe in Rozarria, where they would be far away from Takrin. Where they could be together as a family.

They never made it outside of the Ogir-Yensa Sandsea.

After leaving Rabanastre, they joined a small group of travelers headed for Rozarria - eager to get there before the borders were closed for good as another war brewed on the horizon. Gylfie still didn't understand what was happening or why they had to leave Archadia, and being in a new location after a new location left her quiet. She clung to her mother, still unsure about Theodric, but... her father really was nice, and he shared his snacks with her. And she noticed how happier her mother seemed being with him, though she... missed her friends. She missed Archadia. She even missed her little brother, as much as he annoyed her.

They reached the Ogir-Yensa Sandsea by dusk, and the group they were with stopped and set up camp. They had all been traveling since early that morn and were exhausted, and they needed as much sleep as they could get if they were to set out at dawn the next day. It was quiet, it was peaceful, and after dinner, all but two went to bed, as the two awake stood guard. But the Urutan-Yensa knew their territory better than anyone else, and they held no tolerance for intruders.

When dawn finally came, it had been a bloodbath. Their camp had been raided in the middle of the night as the guards tagged out with a few others, and none were spared. None, except Gylfie.

In the chaos, Alsga had hidden her in a small rocky crevice, and ordered her not to come out until she or Theodric came back for her. Terrified, Gylfie begged her mother to stay with her, but Alsga kissed her head, and promised she'd return. She never did. And, as dawn crept through the sky, Gylfie finally left her hiding spot, and saw the carnage. Everyone was dead, including her parents, and she was alone.

Terrified and unsure where to go, Gylfie tried to get her parents to wake up, getting their blood on her in the process, but neither stirred. So, she ran. She ran away from the camp and back in the direction they came from, hoping to retrace their steps. Hoping that... somehow, it could bring them back. That, maybe, it was all a terrible nightmare, and she'd wake up and everyone would be okay, and--

She was found wandering the desert by a few members of the Rabanastre Watch, who had ventured beyond their usual route after hearing of an attack by a passing traveler. She was exhausted, terrified, and dehydrated. Blood had dried on her skin and her clothes. One of the members, a red Bangaa, coaxed her to let him carry her back to a small village, while the other Bangaa left to check for survivors. He was kind and gentle, and settled her enough to get her to drink water and to allow a kindly old woman to clean her up when they reached the village. They asked for her name, but she... didn't answer. She didn't answer anything they asked. She couldn't speak, far too traumatized to get her voice to work, and... Alsga had told her not to give her name out to anyone. She had called her Olean when they left Archades, but she was afraid to use that name, too. What if they sent her back to Takrin? As much as she missed home, she didn't want to go back.

Gylfie was brought to Rabanstre by a member of the Order of the Knights of Dalmasca, and there, she was brought to Migelo. He was already caring for a few orphans as it was, for his soft heart could do no less, and he agreed to take her in as well. He tried to coax her to speak, but she refused, so he asked if he could call her Verro temporarily - just until she could tell him her name. She agreed to it, and... that became her new name. Verro. Another orphan of Rabanstre, with none the wiser that she was Archadian and Rozarrian. Just a poor, unfortunate soul who survived a slaughter. Even as she regained her voice, she never spoke of her past, and it was chalked up to the trauma blocking her memories. She was fine with everyone believing that.

Takrin was the one who said it first, and the one who repeated it time and time again. Alsga... never argued against him, or told Gylfie she could have other things in life, too. Instead, she told her it wasn't a bad thing, and when she was older, she'd become content and honored with motherhood, and she'd enjoy carrying and raising new life. It's the best feeling in the world, she told her once when Gylfie was a young girl, as she brushed aside her tears and settled her from her fit after being denied the chance to have a wooden sword like her brother. You needn't waste your time on such violence. Let the men handle it, and focus on giving them a comfortable home to return to.

Then, when Alsga left, and Corellia moved in, she only served to repeat Takrin's words with a fevered insistance. You'll one day marry a Solidor, for gods' sakes! she snapped at her, when Gylfie got into a shouting match with her and Takrin over the betrothal, yet again. Do you understand what an honor that is, girl? Our Houses will be united through your children, and yet you are so eager to spurn it because you, what? Want to tromp through the mud like a mangy cur? What a disgrace!

And, oh, how Gylfie sat through many nights, listening to Takrin and Corellia talk lowly and furiously to each other about her bullheaded arrogance, and how they wished Gramis had betrothed Aelfred or Vayne to her instead of Noctus. One of them would break her, Takrin growled one night, and for once, she felt afraid. Noctus is too soft in the head to keep her in line. She'll make an embarrassment of my House if he cannot make her into a good wife.

She began to learn, in secrecy, arcane magicks after hearing that. She feared for her safety, for what would become of her if Noctus wasn't as soft as Takrin believed, or if Gramis listened and arranged her to Aelfred or Vayne instead. While difficult, it had not been impossible, and her natural skill with black magicks only served to aid her. They were similar, in many ways, though arcane magicks were far more demanding on her body than black magicks. It was worth it, to have that security, though she would one day use it for a purpose she hadn't anticipated.

And, yet, despite her growing resentment of marriage and the growing dread of being forced to become nothing more than a Solidor's broodmare, she found love with Myriel. Her best friend since childhood, the one who knew her better than most. She vowed to marry her, as soon as they were old enough, but... she swore she would never have children. Neither through birth nor adoption. The thought of pregnancy set a fear in her that felt primal. The thought of being a mother churned her stomach and left her agitated. Could you imagine me, a mother? she spat one day to Myriel, body coiled as she paced - set off by yet another argument with Takrin. What a piss-poor one I would make! Poor brats would be better off being raised by a Dullahan!

She didn't realize how quiet Myriel had gone when she agreed with her, and told her it was fine if they never had children.

Her dreams shattered after she killed her brother. Myriel had pieced it together, and it was the final straw that broke the slaven's back. Their relationship had grown strained as of late, after Corellia had caught them together and reported it to Takrin, causing Gylfie to suddenly become distant, and as Myriel grew more and more unsatisfied with what they had. She felt neglected by Gylfie - she felt she was putting her second to her career, that she cared more about her reputation and legacy than she did her. She wanted children, but Gylfie's bullheaded refusal of the matter made her bitter. Her family warned her that Gylfie cared more about her ambition and she would suffer for it, and she finally believed them. She asked for a break, and Gylfie didn't argue.

They never got back together, nor repaired their relationship to be friends once again.

What Myriel didn't know was how Takrin and Corellia reacted to learning Gylfie's sexuality, because Gylfie kept it from her. They had been disgusted with her, but Takrin had been furious. He had cornered her, snarling at her like a rabid dog as he demanded to know why she thought she had any right to whore herself out when she was betrothed to Noctus Solidor. She recoiled from him, meekly asking why he thought she had whored herself out, though she didn't attempt to deny her infidelity. How else would you get it in your head you could love another woman? he spat. Why would you bring such shame upon my House with this disgraceful behavior? You refuse your future husband, but sleep with others so willingly! I should have rid myself of you when I had the chance!

She had never been so afraid of him before. She had never had her confidence collapse like that before. To have him accuse her of such things, to turn and allow such rumors to spread, and to lose Myriel broke something in her, and her hatred of marriage and motherhood grew. Her self-esteem shattered as everything she wanted slipped through her fingers like sand - as her love left, as she almost died saving a man who would have killed her as an infant if given a chance, for reasons she had still yet to understand, her career was ripped from her, and the walls had closed in. Everything she had wanted, everything she had fought for, was gone, and all she could do was brace herself as she was forced along a path she had tried so hard to avoid.

When she came of age at nineteen, she and Noctus wed, and took uneasy discomfort in knowing he, too, was unhappy with their betrothal. They consummated their marriage out of pressure, and Gylfie knew, if she became pregnant, she would have no choice but to go through with it. Noctus never touched her again after that night out of respect for her, and even as he secured her a place in the military once more, she waited in fear for her body to change. Their Houses still pressured them for children, and her relief when she realized she was not with child was short-lived as she feared if Noctus would cave to his father's expectations. As she feared the way Aelfred watched her, and the way Takrin seemed to whisper in his ear. She was caged, and she knew it. She was a wife, and her position as guard and training officer would easily be stripped from her if Gramis grew tired of entertaining his son's demands. She was not a Hume to them, and her fear festered into a burning rage deep within.

Freedom still did not come when Noctus and Aelfred were tried and killed for treason. Her marriage to Noctus had been far too short for her to be fully accepted as a Solidor, and when it was realized she was not with child, she was dismissed from House Solidor, though barely permitted to be part of House Ynarra once more. She took little relief in this, for she knew Noctus had been innocent, and a new betrothal had been offered by Gramis - she would one day marry Vayne, if no political marriage came to fruition from the other kingdoms. It was hung around her neck like a noose, even as Gabranth took notice of her, and he and Drace took the risk of sponsoring her. Even as she became a Judge and earned her place within Archadia's cutthroat military once more, earning her place through blood, her fire, and snapping teeth as she put those around her in line. But her ambition and rage could not douse her fear, and it was a fear Vayne preyed upon in twisted entertainment. Her armor protected her, but it caged her. Her loyalty and ambition fed her career, but kept her muzzled and chained to the Empire she both loved and hated.

She swore to herself she would never marry again, if she could help it. Her failed relationship with Myriel made her believe she could never love another properly, and she would only offer blood and teeth, instead of tenderness and safety. Her marriage to Noctus soured the appeal in it, with how loveless and awkward it had been. And never, she swore, would she allow anyone else to undress her, and never would she become a mother as was demanded of her. She was steeped in self-hatred and the belief she was no more than a hound, and her heart had been wounded too many times for her to want to take any risks.

Yet... despite it all, Gylfie yearned to have a lover, though she never admitted it nor acknowledged it. She wanted someone she could return home to. She wanted to love and be loved, and to have something domestic that she could retreat to when the chaos of everything else became too much to bear. To be the wife of someone she chose, of someone who chose her, was a desire so secret, she hardly knew of it herself. And, had she been given a chance to choose, had it not been a constant pressure and threat drilled into her ever since she was young, she would have wanted to become a mother. Her fear of pregnancy would have made it difficult, but... she would have endured it, or looked to adopt a child in need of a family, had she been with someone she could settle down with and would respect her ambition and need to keep working.

Intimacy had not come easily for Gylfie in the beginning, for it was simply something she was not typically interested in. She had more pressing things to do with her time than physical pleasure, after all. But, with Caelen... when they decided to explore that side of their relationship, it became something Gylfie rather enjoyed. She liked being coy with him. She liked seeing how she could tease and fluster him, and she'd be lying if the way he looked and smiled at her when he was in the mood didn't do things to her.