ready for some Discourse™

The split attraction model hinges on an over-literal reading of words that were pathologically applied to LGBT people to describe our orientation as a whole, in a way that coercively sexualizes us. And, because people are still missing this, “-sexual” refers to gender, not solely “wanting to bang”.

Think of, like, every negative stereotype you know attached to the words “bisexual” and “homosexual”. They probably have something to do with us being sexually ravenous predators with no real regard for our partners. It’s almost like there’s a reason that the latter is considered offensive at best, and a full-on slur by many.

When you decide “bisexual” isn’t enough, or that “gay” isn’t enough, and that you also need “biromantic” and “homoromantic”, you are suggesting that “romance” is not inherently included (or, at the very least, prioritized) within gay and bisexual identities. Can you not see how this is deeply hurtful and plays into some of the most significant stereotypes about us? Not to mention, the idea that romantic and sexual attraction are so easily separated makes it VERY easy for many of us to push ourselves deeper into the closet. Thank FUCK I wasn’t on this site as a young teenager, because instead of confronting the reasons why I was terrified of the idea of dating another girl (surprise: it was fear of homophobic repercussion), I would’ve just said I was a “heteromantic bisexual” and called it a day and thus set myself back five years.

You can be a bisexual ace, or a gay ace, or, yes, even a straight ace, because who you’re attracted to - which is literally All That These Labels Are Supposed To Mean - is not the same thing as how you are attracted to them. The identities do not contradict each other, and to claim that they do is to claim truth in some age-old homophobic garbage.

cishet is a slur

cishet is a termed created and designed to exclude and harm acespec and arospec people. It is thrown at us constantly. It is a dangerous, evil, violent word, justified by claiming that “cishets” are oppressors. 

I know a lot of people that do not know the history of the word use it because it is useful to separate out “non-queer” and “queer”, but I want to be very clear that it is still harmful when used in ignorance.

There is no reason to use the term “cishet” with its current contextual connotations of hate. Especially if you are either cis or het.

And, even if you are trans or gay or bi or pan, etc., I challenge everyone who has considered using the term to include “allo” when they describe folks that are not queer.

ok pals here we go:

compare segregation and antiblack racism to telling ace people to form their own community

compare us not wanting them to come into our community to the genocide of indigenous americans

compare themselves to mlk jr.

compare people who don’t think cishets are lgbtpn to the actual fucking KKK

say that being white doesn’t make you racist, and that generally benefiting from oppression doesn’t make you an oppressor??

say that if trump won then all the “aphobes” would deported, because “a lot of hatekeepers are latinxs”

(~very~ long post) compare themselves to mlk jr. and gandhi even though the op in question is white

say they might report a latinx immigrant to homeland security

say that jewish people are paranoid for thinking the dove is antisemitic

say that exclusionists are using nazi rhetoric

compare exclusionists to white supremacists

say that reverse racism exists, and that poc are on a “high horse” just for saying that it doesn’t

“you can be black and not oppressed”

the person who was saying a lot of the anti-semitic stuff found in discourse deactivated or something, and the links all lead straight to their blog. i screenshotted them just in case this happened though:

the idea that it’s femininity which is under attack implies that femininity is inherent to women, and that women are oppressed for our femininity. again, this is opposed to the idea that women are oppressed with femininity. 

this ends up leading to ideas like ‘masculine privilege’–butch women oppress & have power over feminine women, and butch women reject femininity due to internalized misogyny (since they’re supposedly rejecting their nature). I’ve actually been accused of the above by a liberal feminist. 

2nd wave feminism would state that “masculine privilege” doesn’t exist, because masculine women are still oppressed for being women under patriarchy and are punished in various ways for rejecting femininity (the tool meant to oppress them). only male privilege exists, and masculinity is only rewarded in males.

Ace History Day! Please click the links if you want to more clearly see the posts.

Time to Learn about The History of “The A” and AVEN’s Response to that:

On May 11th 2003, AVEN User whirlygirl suggested “hi group, if we could add an ‘A’ to the end of the LGBT, we could help add ourselves to the list minority groups.” Implying at that point in history (over a decade after LGBT as an acronym came into existence), there was no “A for Aro/Ace”

3 Hours Later, David Jay brags about how at his school, he got the A included and in a really “cool” way!! He put f*g in the acronym, with “asexual” (not aro) as the A! He also included BDSM in the community, just cause. What a cool dude.

Hours later during the morning of the next day, AVEN User VivreEstEsperer, Kate, tells him, hey, the a is already for allies, isn’t that confusing. This comment implies that, wow, the A really WAS for allies before this mess. Strange?? Almost… as if there’s a long history of allies being in the acronym.

Over 12 hours later, David Jay acknowledges the importance of Allies but says they don’t go under the A! Allies are Q for Queer because allies ~queer heteronormativity.

Days later, Kate is confused. “ What do you mean, out to mess with heteronormativity? I know what the term means but Im confused as to what you mean by it, in this context. You’re, and most of us on this board, an ally yourself… you’re not gay but still ally yourself with the “gay cause” and such, its the next best thing to having an asexual movement and all. So how can you say you dont exist? did you mean by that statement that all allies are not heterosexual? cus that certainly wouldnt be true. *confused* Kate”

David Jay does not reply to her pointing out that David Jay is just an ally. Awkward. Time passes, even more ace folk chime in on the then growing debate and admit, “The A is for Ally, the LGBT community doesn’t even know we exist. Just change the acronym to GRSM or Mogai.”

Over a Decade after the original thread, in 2015, GLAAD launches the twitter campaign #GotYourBack saying “A is for Allies,” encouraging allies to actually support LGBT folk. Ironically enough, it calls out people uncomfortable with LGBT PDA and asks them to do something about it. AVEN responds in horror and starts the #GiveItBack campaign, a controversial move not everyone agreed with. GLAAD gave in after a couple days of harassment and issued a statement, which AVEN commented on. Everyone there is convinced that the A has always been for Asexual. Only now it’s not just Asexual, it’s also for Aromantic and Agender too.

What a leap ten years can do! It progressed so much they accused an LGBT community of STEALING the A and making it about Allies. Amazing!!

Started from recognizing that The A is for Ally, now we’re acting like that never happened.

Never forget that David Jay and the Ace community once acknowledged that the A is for Allies but decided, a decade later, to act like the A was stolen from.