eve

I WAS MEOWTICTA DONT FORGER ME...

she he they | non-binary lesbian

eng/esp

tourette's & autism dx, social anxiety disorder diagnosed, medically recognized bpd & ptsd (probably cptsd), in the process of getting a diagnosis for schizoaffective or a psychotic disorder, hypotonic & hypermobile

ʚĭɞ

special interests are, mental health, neurodivergencies and disabilities communities or movements, art & alternative fashion.

ask for discord if u wanna talk or dm me here.

or send asks if you have any questions related to my diagnosis! i like answering stuff.

@sicknessgie is my disability related art acc.

BLINKIES BELOWWWW

i think its okay to grieve and tell ppl how awful it was, if they are willing to hear ofc. having the courage to say, as an example ''yes, i was abused, and i felt horribly with it, this is what i experience now because of it, it's terrible'', i like 'playing the victim' because is the only role i knew, and know. i know none of these traumas were my fault, i had nothing to do with them, other than being treated like shit.

i like playing the victim because it brings me comfort, and other people comfort me. i am not your good survivor/victim that feels like these traumas made them stronger and they are super cool and try to get over it. i am weak, i can't leave my house without having a flashback, i cant let people get near me and touch me in certain parts, i cant let people near me and say specific things about me, specific words & phrases, etc, i can't go to certain places. i can't let the traumas go, not yet, i dont think i can let them go away forever. they built me somehow, i dont wanna get over it sometimes, i like the comfort of a victim. you poor thing, because sometimes i didnt even got that from others. though i got a sorry im so sorry, i hate what i did to you. and that's okay i forgave him, i love him, he's like my brother.

I was very young, but I had a parakeet. Maybe I didn't realize it at the time, but I like to think that we kept each other company.

When I was diagnosed with Tourette's, I thought the diagnosis would make me feel better, that it would provide an answer. What I felt most was loneliness and such great sadness that it came out in my own vocalizations and movements. I was seven or eight years old.

Did that singing, talking bird feel out of place like me? Did it feel lonely? Did it feel different from other birds? Did we repeat our sounds? Did it identify with me? Did it feel my company? Is there a parakeet out there... a cachaña, a choroy, a tricahue, a mountain parakeet, or a parrot without its flock of birds, that feels the same way I do? That doesn't fit in?

I had a bird that repeated things, that sang, just like me, listening to each other on a frequency that only we could hear and speak.

like yeah when i was younger i didnt knw what the fuck was happening so i had many mental breakdowns. and even when I Knew with the diagnosis and all it was very fucked up to know i was wayyy different from others and it hurt me.