Maxwellington

Diagnosed with Joe Biden Disorder

Stephen king is supposed to be a good writer and he can’t even spell “semetary” right

steven king is so stupid that he named a clown ‘it’

We should rig his house with explosives

Ok everyone time for soup day. Everyone gets to add one ingredident. Ill start, i added some bullion cubes :)

okay i added some buillion cubes :) whos next

I went ahead and added some buillion cubes :)

hey yall jsyk i added some buillion cubes :)

i spice things up with a billion cubes

Well this soup fucking sucks guys

being hot isn’t about having a symmetrical face or being skinny or whatever. being hot is about being TRANSSEXUAL, having BAD JOINTS, making BAGELS, and wearing WEIRD CLOTHES

Reblog to kill a British person instantly

I don’t know why, but reading “oil on saltine” just sent me

Doctors are like HERE is your APPOINTMENT if you are late I WILL PERSONALLY kill YOU but when you show up on time they are like I; am so so sor..ry.. Theree, will bbe abt housand yeaars, delayy

you ever try to read a book and it's like. damn they really just let anybody write these.

gun to your head, you HAVE to make an R-rated scooby doo movie. What do you do

completely normal silly movie but shaggy hits a bong in every scene

its a different bong each time BTW

im not immune to how corsets make breasts look

Trans men who love their tits are literally so powerful. You embody masculinity and manhood in a way cis men can only dream of achieving. Imagine being so right.

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."