Difficult Void

fragile and soft

and turned it into

something volatile

dangerous

edged

I felt them all slither from my throat

black, inky, hissing

And a pressure eased in my throat

my chest

my stomach

I thought surely they were all gone

I can breathe once again

Yet why

is there blood dripping from my ears

but love is what hurts

most of all

and I don’t think I want that

from my Almighty.

I’ll take my God

because you have looked inside the beast’s mouth

on so many occasions,

you know how many teeth it has

and have memorized where its’ cavities are.

You are certain of it.

Yes, this is despair.

I know what it feeds on,

and I know what lures it close.

You feel prepared. You feel wiser.

Then a silly little man

comes along and does a silly little thing

and suddenly you feel as though

the beast was only the guard dog to

the realm

of true agony.

You may think to yourself

“why would I let another affect me so?

They are not my kin, they should not

have such power over me”.

But then you’ll realize it is because you

led intentionally with your heart

and had it broken incidentally,

without thought or care,

and it makes you come to terms with

how small and insignificant you really are

even in the eyes

of those you love the most fiercely

and thought loved you the same.

If your lover can think of you so smally,

how must God feel toward you—

His one in nine billion?

You may begin to hope the

beast swallows you whole

so that you do not have to pass

the gates which he guards.

It would be more humane,