I Remember All of Them

Bonus:

Jacob with some spot-on Ilya character analysis (and general thoughts on sex-as-self)

I think this is something lost on the audience in the show that is explicitly implicit in the books.

Shane thinks Ilya is a sex god bc

1) he is "better at sex" than shane

2) shane up to this point hasn't had a successful and Very Good sexual experience. He literally says once Ilya dick is inside him that he "finally understands why people are sex- obsessed." It has clicked, and his brain says its because of ilya, not bc he is gay

3) ilya is a whore so that translates in shanes brain to very experienced, good at it, therefore sex god

They tease back and forth that ilya has ruined sex for shane bc no one else will do, and while shane is embarrassed by this, he agrees.

In TLG it comes out that ilya has maybe been with like 5-10 guys at most. Personally i think its the lower end of that. He specifically says that men are a "rare treat," implying that 1) its safer to pull women (he really is terrified of being outed and shipped back to russia), and 2) he only pulls men when he is missing shane so much he cant stand it.

Shane has canonically been with 3 men. Two pulls he didnt care for, and ilya. Again, in his mind, ilya is the key, but its not inherently bc of ilya's skill, its because of their crazy deep connection.

- Ilya gets a sunburn during the first cottage summer and neither of them realize it until Ilya is taking his shirt off that night and Shane sees the lobster-red flush across his shoulders. He sucks in a hiss through his teeth and says, "Oh, baby, ouch," and presses the big, broad pads of his fingertips so tenderly to Ilya's shoulder and Ilya has to close his eyes because he feels like he's going to crack apart.

- When he answers the phone and he's alone. "Hi baby," said so softly if it's been a long day. Or a hard one. Or if it's late. "Hey baby," more energetically, usually in the morning, in a way that reminds Ilya of how his teammates answer the phone to their girlfriends and wives. Masculine and jockish and very North American in a way that makes Ilya feel pleased for Shane, in a weird way.

- Glass on the floor in the kitchen. Ilya blindly following the sound of the shatter and not really even thinking about it until he's standing amongst the shards and Shane is gesturing frantically with the broom. "Put on some fucking shoes, baby, please! Fuck, where are your slides--no, don't move, I'll get them--"

- Said gently, as a question, on days when he perhaps stays in bed longer than can be justified by sleepiness.

- "Hey, baby," said some mornings when Ilya comes downstairs dressed for the day and Shane really likes his outfit. Usually an indication that Ilya will not be wearing those clothes for very long.

- In bed less often than you'd think. Really a vanilla sex only thing, because being called baby can sometimes bring Ilya out of it when he's really in the groove. But Shane will lose it a little sometimes, when Ilya says, "Tell me you like it," and Shane says, "Yes baby fuck fuck I like it fuck please don't stop fuck baby please let me cum" and that's. Very good. Obviously.

- Said with a very particular warning lilt and only AFTER Shane has already said, "Ilya." and then, "Rozanov." In the same tone. This is actually one of only two circumstances where the very elusive 'babe' comes into play. If Shane REALLY wants Ilya to stop whatever he's doing or saying, it's a hand around the wrist and the word, "Babe," quiet but firm. And it does shut Ilya up approximately 100% of the time.

- Other instance of 'babe': Any sort of crowd. 'Ilya' is three syllables (Because Shane...pronounces it a bit wrong.) and unique enough that Shane sometimes worries about drawing attention. 'Babe' is one syllable and can be barked above the crowd in the Captain Hollander voice loud enough that Ilya will have no choice but to hear him if he's within the surrounding 500 feet. They have Marco-Polo'd themselves back to each other with 'BABE' and 'SHANE' multiple times in multiple countries.

- One time someone accidently brings several bottles of fortified wine to the barbecue. It's quite high proof for wine and several people get tipsier than normal, including Shane. Halfway through the evening he puts his head on Ilya's shoulder and plays with his fingers and murmurs, "My baby," into the seam of his shirt and Ilya, looking down at him so fondly, says, "Yes. Yours. Drink some water for me, sweetheart."

because normally shane has A Schedule that has him up and out of bed at the optimum time to complete everything he needs to get done-

Hollander is on the wrong side of the bed. Ilya wills him to move, to answer the question himself. The underwear are by the chair, where Ilya sat while they were still laughing. While they were playing. Right before Hollander really started to perform. Boxers flying across the room. Fingers inside for Ilya to see.

Hollander frees the blanket from the bed while he walks around looking. Clutches it to his chest, stumbling over the too-long lumpiness of it. Hollander shouldn't be uncomfortable being naked. This shouldn't be different from the locker room.

Over there, Ilya says, with a pointing movement of his chin.

It's not a helpful instruction. Hollander looks around, barely breathing, the frown deep on his mouth like a scar. He doesn't look like he can see well. It's dim, sure. But he looks like he is seeing something other than the room in front of him.

Ilya taps another cigarette from the pack. Hollander looks at him because of the noise, like Ilya will be holding what he's looking for. Ilya has nothing.

Oh, okay. Over here, Hollander whispers, to no one. He doesn't put on the underwear. He holds them to his chest, letting the blanket trail behind him until he releases it totally, disappearing into the next room.

Ilya listens to Hollander ready himself to leave. He must unfold his clothes. He must pull them over a sweaty body. Hollander likes being clean. He would normally shower. Ilya doesn't offer and Hollander doesn't ask. Ilya doesn't feel like showering either. He feels like taking an imprint of the night with him. Maybe the empty shell of Hollander's body around him will work to keep him upright when daylight comes. A husk to one side and the cup on the other, uneven pillars. Maybe a memory can keep him whole.

He puts the cigarette in his mouth.

Okay, I'm off.

Goodbye Hollander.