I Remember All of Them

"You try the steak rub, Bood? Good, yes? Yuna is a queen, I know. Yes, next weekend is good for barbecue, if weather holds. Littlest Pikes might visit, we will see."

"She will jump through the hoop on ground, why not 4 inches up?? So frustrating. Shane says to use real bacon for treats, maybe then, but is so salty. Nitrites too, you know. Bad for her. No, have not baked her special treats, Troy! What?? Recipe, now!"

"Shanya has new glasses. Very sexy. Even without them he can see puck better than 47, though, on wing? This man is terrible, yes? Is not entirely his fault, probably, Columbus is mostly very bad. Look at stupid tape job, though. Ugh."

"I want syrniki after game. You want? I have made you syrniki, Luca. Little pancakes. Yes, very, very good. Okay, not tonight, but come over on Saturday, we will have syrniki and force Shane to eat it too. Yessssssss, okayokay, good plan."

Examples of Shane quotes from his mic'd up games:

"Jesus FUCKING Christ what the FUCK is wrong with the Dallas refs holy SHITTING ass. Can they not fucking see their own fucking asses? Do they need fucking Lasik?"

"I am going to goddamn disembowel the next person who chirps us about the FUCKING baby shower. That shit was cute and Cassie fucking loved it. Come the fuck on, it's what fucking year? Men can throw baby showers, shit. Get over yourselves, assholes."

"He thinks he's hot shit, yeah, with ugly fucking edges like that. Fuuuucking ridiculous, am I right? What a motherfucking joke. Let's run a train on his ass next shift, you fucking in?"

"Dyks, I fucking love you, man, that shit was insane, so fucking dope. Yeah, yeah, I know Hazy loved it too. Broke their shit right up, they thought they had a lane, hahaha! As fucking if with you on the ice, bro. Nice. Fucking nice."

Ilya: Suburban Dad who plays some rec league, maybe

has this ever been you: you have a nicely steamed vegetable, or maybe you want to make the best butter noodles, but you know that if you put butter on those it’ll just melt and you end with kind of greasy noodles or vegetables? don’t you wish it was instead a luscious buttery glaze?

introducing: beurre monté

you will take a small sauce pan, and begin heating it with 1-2 tablespoons of water (use very little water) and bring it to a hard simmer or boil

turn the heat down slightly, and add Butter. how much? however much you dare. (start with 3-4 tablespoons and go from there)

you are going to either whisk Aggressively or you can pick up the saucepan, still holding it over the heat, and swirl aggressively so the butter is skating around the sides of the pan

done correctly, you will have liquid butter that is still emulsified. you have made Butter Sauce. season it with a little salt, and toss whatever you want in it.

if you’re butter splits, i’m sorry. you didn’t agitate it enough to maintain the emulsion, and now you have melted butter.

you can use this knowledge to make other sauces by swapping out the water for another liquid. white wine becomes beurre blanc. red wine is beurre rogue.

you want to CUM? sweat minced shallot in a tiny bit of butter, add white wine and cook it out until it’s reduced by about half. then whisk butter in hard. a few flecks of minced thyme or fennel frond stirred thru, and you eat that with a nice seared fish? or scallop? or even shrimp? wow. you will Nut

your boxed mac and cheese game can also be elevated by cooking your pasta and making a beurre monté first, tossing your pasta in that and adding the cheese packet. wow. hey; you’ll cum

Congrats, you've been assisted by our starchy emulsifier! (Butter noodles my beloved, we will never part)

"Shane loved it when Rozanov lost his ability to stay cool and collected. ... He loved reducing Rozanov to whimpers and Russian profanity."

my piece for the Cottage Zine by Our Favourite Scene Zine over on ig~

Shane squirming is evidence of his struggle to give up his power, and if ultimately Shane felt worse after the fact, if he didn't want to continue but Ilya made him anyway, then the cycle would continue, and Ilya would be replicating his own suffering onto someone else. It would be extortion, abuse, all the things that people think sadomasochism is who don't understand what's at it's core.

But Ilya doesn't want Shane to feel worse afterwards. Ilya wants Shane to give up power and to like it. Not in a hollow way, not because Shane thinks he "should" like it or because he thinks Ilya likes it so it's the only way to keep him interested. But to truly, deeply, enjoy it for himself.

This is why the Vegas sex scene is such a lightning rod, because to describe Shane as only feeling "better" or "worse" afterwords would be dismissing the nuance and depth of Shane's arc with his own desires at that point. Shane wanted to follow Ilya's orders and play the game with all its sharp edges, and then afterwards he wanted to feel soft. To be kissed. For Shane, giving up power is a risk, a vulnerability, an act of trust that could end badly, but that is rewarded tenfold every time it doesn't. And Shane comes back to Ilya after Vegas. It's not a clean line from one encounter to the next, but they don't make it to the cottage without Shane deeply enjoying the dance that Ilya curates for them.

And for Ilya, making Shane squirm is evidence that it's not an easy thing, that it's actually quite profound for Shane to give him that power, that it's always a risk. And Ilya loves the thrill of it. Seeing Shane's soft underbelly as he slides up further on the back of the couch, while Ilya holds his trust in his hands as he slides them further up the hem of his (obscenely short) shorts. Gives Shane challenges he has to struggle not to lose, because but-if-you-get-hard is how Ilya injects adrenaline into Shane's bloodstream. Interrupts and embarrasses him while he talks on the phone, because the edge of embarrassment is the tick-tick-tick of a heart beating faster and pushing warm blood to flushed skin. And then finally, the giggling, smiling, "Why was that so hot?" afterwards is Ilya's wild reward, his evidence that taking power is worth it if it's actually a gift.