Yeah, no

You are my favorite “what if”

- sneezed wrong

- turned your neck a little too fast

- slept weird

- took the trash out to the curb and stepped at a slightly different angle than usual

- breathed

- failed to breathe properly

- breathed in the wrong stuff. Allergy time

- looked too hard at something too far away

Dustin to Steve: *looking at his character sheet* Okay, for alignment you put. . .bisexual?!

Steve: Yeah, why did I need to add that?

Dustin: *shrieks* You didn't! Alignment NOT orientation.

Steve: Yeah, maybe you shouldn't look at speed or experience points.

Dustin: Okay, experience points and speed have NOTHING to do with sex!

Steve: This game seems really sexual. Maybe I should talk to your dungeon master. . .what's his name? Teddy?

Dustin: EDDIE! And it's NOT sexual! It's a fantasy game!

Steve: Right, and it's NOT sexual. Should probably talk to your mother, too. I don't like how this sounds.

Dustin: DO NOT TELL MY MOTHER! Forget it! I don't want you anywhere near this game!

Dustin stormed out, and Steve picked up the phone to call Robin.

Steve: I think I finally got Dustin to stop asking me to join Hellfire.

Robin: Hallelujah. What's next on your agenda?

Steve: Fuck with Eddie by repeatedly calling him Teddy.

Robin: I thought you were done messing with Dustin.

Steve: Oh, yeah, no, this is for me. I saw Eddie in shorts today, and now I want him to be my dungeon master.

Robin: Slut.

Steve: That's me.

procrastinating assassin, turned bodyguard/lover

I just want to live. Is that so wrong? Why doesn't anybody else want that?