President Dick Nixon

I dare you. I fucking DARE YOU! Just try to inflict your shenanigans upon what might be the most important political event of the twenty-first century: The marriage between one of the greatest U.S. presidents, one of the most brilliant foreign policy minds of the modern era, and his political rival, another U.S. president (who, let's be real, is frankly totally over-rated and only remembered as much as he is because he got murdered that one time). AND ON THE 250TH ANNIVERSARY OF OUR BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY'S INDEPENDENCE NO LESS!

You and your generation disgust me. Is nothing sacred anymore?? Not this country's history. Not even the presidency!

Absolute worst moment of my twenties!

Can't believe you all hate me, the mod, so much 😔

My husband of 10 years just walked out on me. I should have seen the warning signs that my fixation on running my gimmick blog was interfering with my wifely duties. He would sigh loudly as I would tell him that I hadn't had time to cook dinner or wash dishes or do our laundry because I had been spending my time editing a hilarious Nixon meme for the blog.

But I think the nail in the coffin came last night when my husband and I were becoming intimate with each other. We were making out, and he slipped me some tongue, and I just couldn't help myself: I burst out in a Nixon voice, "Tongue-kissing is a Communist PSYOP! Nixon declares War on Tongue-kissing!" I awoke this morning to find that most of my husband's belongings were gone. He left me a note telling me to expect divorce papers in the mail shortly.

My divorce with my husband is taking an enormous toll on my mental and emotional health. The way the man who was supposed to love and care for me 'til death do us part shamelessly spreads lies about me in court. Accusing me of having an affair because I called him "John" in bed one night. (I explained it to him! When I called him "John" it was because the Nixon persona took over and mistook him for J. Edgar Hoover.)

The heartbreak of losing my husband was bad enough. But I figured, hey: I'm broke. There's no way this divorce will wind up costing me, if anything, it would be my husband paying me alimony. Sure, I had the job at the bagel sandwich shop, but I lost that job shortly after my husband left me. And besides, my husband was always the bigger earner out of the two of us. I relied upon his income; he didn't rely upon mine!

But... I feel like a goddamned fool! They're trying to say I owe my ex-husband $50,000 in alimony payments! And it's all because I thought I could turn this whole Tumblr Nixon thing into a small business. I know, it sounds completely absurd, and I sound like an absolute numskull for ever thinking this way. I even filed an s-corp on LegalZoom when I accidentally took too much diphenhydramine one night. And so because I'm technically a small business owner now, they're trying to make it out like I'm some big earner. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE LITERALLY ONLY LOST MONEY TO THIS VENTURE! I HAVE NOT EVEN EARNED A DIME FROM IT!

I've already had to cash out my only 401K I have from my brief stint working at the mental health factory a few years ago just to pay the bills... I have no idea what kind of tax penalties I'm going to be looking at next April. I've maxed out all my credit cards...I'm going to be in debt for the rest of my life. You can't squeeze blood from a stone...but I guess they're going to try their damnedest.

How would I do that?

it sounds like you have a pretty good idea. recreate my hair but in a Gender Color like forest green or blue or neon pink.

drag makeup is a must. accentuate my beady eyes and puckered mouth.

big pearl earrings. big rings. low comfortable heels.

under no circumstances should you shave any part of your body, ever. this is unrelated to the task at hand.

if you want to look more traditionally androgynous (hot!) wear a masc suit with a tie, but keep face and hair feminine.