Diary of an ENFJ

1. They don’t hide their anxiety, they hide their symptoms. To have concealed anxiety isn’t to deny having it – only to do everything in your power to ensure other people don’t see you struggle.

2. They have the most anxiety about having anxiety. Because they are not comfortable letting people see them in the throes of an irrational panic, the most anxiety-inducing idea is… whether or not they’ll have anxiety at any given moment in time.

3. They come across as a paradoxical mix of outgoing but introverted, very social but rarely out. It is not that they are anti-social, just that they can only take being around others incrementally (which is mostly normal). Yet, on the surface, this may come across as confusing.

4. They make situations worse by trying to suppress their feelings about them. They are extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing them in pain, and they don’t want to feel pitied or as though they are compromising anyone’s time. Yet, they make things worse for themselves by suppressing, as it actually funnels a ton of energy into making the problem larger and more present than it already was.

5. They are often hyper-aware and highly intuitive. Anxiousness is an evolutionary function that essentially keeps us alive by making us aware of our surroundings and other people’s motives. It’s only uncomfortable when we don’t know how to manage it effectively – the positive side is that it makes you hyper-conscious of what’s going on around you.

6. Their deepest triggers are usually social situations. It’s not that they feel anxious in an airplane, it’s that they feel anxious in an airplane and are stuck around 50 other people. It’s not that they will fail a test, but that they will fail a test and everyone in school will find out and think they are incompetent and their parents will be disappointed. It’s not that they will lose love, but that they will lose love and nobody will ever love them again.

7. It is not always just a “panicked feeling” they have to hide. It can also be a tendency to worry, catastrophizing, etc. The battle is often (always?) between competing thoughts in their minds.

8. They are deep thinkers, and great problem-solvers. One of the benefits of anxiety is that it leads you to considering every worst case scenario, and then subsequently, how to handle or respond to each.

9. They are almost always “self-regulating” their thoughts. They’re talking themselves in, out, around, up or down from something or another very often, and increasingly so in public places.

10. They don’t trust easily, but they will convince you that they do. They want to make the people around them feel loved and accepted as it eases their anxiety in a way.

11. They tend to desire control in other areas of their lives. They’re over-workers or are manically particular about how they dress or can’t really seem to let go of relationships if it wasn’t their idea to end them.

12. They have all-or-nothing personalities, which is what creates the anxiety. Despite being so extreme, they are highly indecisive. They try to “figure out” whether or not something is right before they actually try to do it.

13. They assume they are disliked. While this is often stressful, it often keeps them humble and grounded at the same time.

14. They are very driven (they care about the outcome of things). They are in equal proportions as in control of their lives as they feel out of control of their lives – this is because they so frequently try to compensate for fear of the unknown.

15. They are very smart, but doubt it. A high intelligence is linked to increased anxiety (and being doubtful of one’s mental capacity are linked to both).

Part of a series by @intpboard

Congratulations! You have been chosen by an ENFJ to be an important person in their life. Your ENFJ comes in color coordinated and aesthetically pleasing packaging perfectly suited to both your and their needs. Although your ENFJ does not need to be cared for in the traditional sense, here are a few tips to ensure the most harmonious interactions with your newfound extroverted idealist.

Your ENFJ comes with:

Ten (10) color coordinated outfits

 Twelve (12) small fluffy animals of your ENFJ’s preference

One (1) large box tea assortment

 One (1) soapbox for speechmaking purposes

One (1) electronic device for constant communication with others

One (1) newspaper subscription (most likely electronic) for staying up-to-date on current events and world affairs

Two (2) bookshelves filled with various types of literature

One (1) etiquette manual. Your ENFJ has never read it, nor have they ever felt the need to, but it has been included for your benefit.

One (1) burning life purpose that will Make the World a Better Place.

Custom upgrades: Your ENFJ will have some sort of creative hobby. Musical instruments, microphones, art implements, writing implements, and/or athletic equipment may also be included.

Software

Your ENFJ comes preprogrammed with the following traits;

Fe: Your ENFJ has an innate sense of how interpersonal affairs function and how one should navigate them. Keenly concerned with the state of others, both loved ones and humanity as a whole, your ENFJ strives to do what is best for others and maintain peace in their relationships. Your ENFJ will motivate, encourage, compliment, support, and comfort other people. Open communication is very important to your ENFJ, and trust is paramount.

Ni: Not only does your ENFJ care immensely about others, but they know exactly how to improve their lives. ENFJ units come with a preinstalled “life purpose” program that presses upon them a deep burden to improve the state of the world in some way that is uniquely suited to their individual talents and abilities. Usually, this improvement can be directly connected to other people in some way. Do not try to argue the life purpose with your ENFJ. They have reflected upon it deeply and are certain that this is in fact what they want to do with their lives.

Se: Your ENFJ is aware of the world around them and its various sensory details. They are action-oriented and will take initiative to implement their plans for a better future. Generally, they will have good reflexes and appreciate pleasant and organizes surroundings. Decent at multitasking. Sometimes they will take too much upon themselves, which can lead to burnout.

Ti: This function acts as a filter for Fe and ensures that your ENFJ’s words and actions are logically consistent, accurate, and appropriate. Depending on the particular ENFJ that has chosen you, the Ti filter may function properly to balance Fe, or it may malfunction and either be overly manifested in critical attitudes or be entirely absent and lead to irrational behavior.

Getting Started

1. Activate electronic device and place in your ENFJ’s hand.

2. Make your ENFJ a cup of tea (preferably herbal).

3. Wait for the electronic device to register attempted communication from others.

4. Allow your ENFJ to drink tea and communicate with others until fully charged.

5. If step 4 does not work, initiate a form of physical contact, such as hugging or cuddling, with your ENFJ.

6. If for some reason your ENFJ is averse to physical contact, repeat step 4 but with the small fluffy animals arranged around them.

Modes

Friend Mode (default): Your ENFJ will want to befriend everyone they encounter. They will ask thoughtful and personalized questions to get to know the other person and want to establish a positive relationship with them.

Mom Mode (default): Your ENFJ is very concerned about others and whether or not they are taking care of themselves. Can often be found inquiring whether others have eaten, hydrated, slept enough, finished that thing they were procrastinating, are wearing weather appropriate clothing, have taken relevant medications, etc. Your ENFJ will do this regardless of whether the other person is younger or old enough to be their own mother.

Teacher Mode (default): Your ENFJ enjoys learning about the world, and sharing that knowledge even more so. They can often be found recounting an interesting article they read the other day or a cool discovery in a field that they like. Can be triggered by the phrase “I don’t understand…”. Your ENFJ will explain things in a way that you will understand. ENFJs are also prone to turning a difficult situation into a Teaching Moment.

Counselor Mode: Activated when someone is going through a difficult situation. Self-taught psychologists, ENFJ units innately understand how people work and will generally know how to be more helpful. Your ENFJ will validate and affirm the hurting individual and usually leave them feeling better. Warning: your ENFJ may give advice more than is necessary if relying too heavily on Fe and not enough on Ni.

Superhero Mode: Activated under stress. ENFJs have a habit of taking on more than they can carry, and it eventually takes a toll. Your ENFJ will insist that they are fine. Their eyes will glaze over and twitch if you question them about their activities. Asking them how they plan to sustain this schedule will probably induce tears. Beware. Your ENFJ has entered full delusion.

Pseudo-Introvert Mode: Activated under severe stress. Your ENFJ has become so overwhelmed that they are shutting down. Characterized by refusal to socialize, a marked reduction in activities, and unusual silence in their presence. Symptoms also include grumpiness, calmness, an insistence that they are “just tired” or that “it’s been a long week”, and increased need for sleep. Seek help for your ENFJ if they start to claim that they don’t need others.

Manipulative Dictator Mode: If your ENFJ gains pleasure from controlling others or getting them to do things according to their will which others may not have chosen on their own, they are unhealthy. Perform a diagnostic check to ensure that all functions are in working order. Detoxification of Fe or Ni may be necessary.

Relationships with Other Units

NF: The easiest for your ENFJ to communicate with due to their naturally flowing and symbol-laden speech. Your ENFJ will appreciate their idealism and encourage them to follow their dreams.

NT: Slightly more challenging due to the strict rationalism present in NTs, but can get along on a conceptual basis if their ideas are complementary. Your ENFJ secretly admires NTs but knows that they can never admit it to one.

SJ: Can be somewhat difficult to communicate with due to the concrete and direct style these types employ, but your ENFJ will love them all the same and appreciate their loyalty.

SP: Your ENFJ will be fascinated by SPs and how they can do things so easily, and will want to hang out with them all the time. Do not let the SPs talk your ENFJ into skydiving. They’ll claim they can handle it until they start screaming halfway out of the plane.

Feeding

Your ENFJ will claim that they have transcended basic human needs such as food. Your ENFJ is a liar who will get very cranky if they forget to eat. A glazed over expression, extended silence, or general withdrawnness can often be attributed to hunger. Feed regularly. Chocolate non-optional.

Grooming

ENFJs are generally fastidious about personal hygiene and have established a personal style of clothing/accessories/makeup. May occasionally leave the house without an accessory or mismatched shoes. If they are busy, help them by organizing the outfit they have chosen and ensuring that every component is there.

Sleeping

Your ENFJ will eschew sleep, as it limits time that could be spent socializing and doing things. Remind your ENFJ what happened the last time they slept less than 6 hours and that sleeping now will help them function better tomorrow.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is my ENFJ really that excited?

Generally, yes. ENFJs look for the bright side in every situation, and tend to genuinely enjoy the things they claim to enjoy. Lack of affinity for something will be signaled by a neutral yet diplomatic statement.

Does my ENFJ actually like me if they claim to love everyone?

You bet. ENFJs are very particular about being authentic in their remarks, and will tend to give praise specifically tailored to an individual. They will not tell you you’re a great athlete if you’re not. That being said, ENFJs look for the good in everyone and usually manage to find it. So yes, they do love everyone.

But if my ENFJ lives to care for others, they surely must not need care?

That’s where you’re wrong. Although ENFJs derive the most pleasure from caring for others, they need affirmation and appreciation to keep going and feel like their efforts aren’t in vain. Be sure to regularly tell your ENFJ how much you appreciate what they do for you. You might find yourself with a pleasant surprise if you do.

My ENFJ isn’t being very nice.

Rules: List your ten favorite characters from ten fandoms and their MBTI types.

1. Regina Mills (Once Upon a Time)- ENFJ

2. Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)- ESTJ

3. Piper Halliwell (Charmed)- ENFJ

4. Spencer Hastings (Pretty Little Liars)- ENTJ

5. Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson and the Olympians)- INTJ

6. Amy Farrah Fowler (The Big Bang Theory)- INTJ

7. Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)- ENTP

8. Leslie Knope (Parks and  Rec)- ESFJ

9. Chandler Bing (Friends)- ENTP

10. Alison Hendrix (Orphan Black)- ESFJ