Human Shield

> 5:00 AM > alarm goes off > get out of my double-king sized bed > walk downstairs and microwave 5 “HUNGRY MAN” masculine testosterone burgers > blend up my favorite protein powder > turn on Fox and laugh at how liberal it is > 5:30 AM > Oh shit I’m gonna be late > Get in my lifted Trump style AMERICAN MADE truck that gets 0.5 mpg > TakeThatEcoFucks.jpg > Go to gas station and fill up with some Premium American Freedom Liquid > Only $5 a gallon thanks to President Trump’s incredible dealmaking > Decide to get back in the car and continue driving > Huge Truck Nuts swinging wildly in the breeze, have to remind myself how manly masculine I am > See some idiot racist BLM eco protestors blocking the highway > Deploy the TRUMP PORTABLE WALL and run them over > Feels good to exercise my 1st amendment right by silencing people I don’t like > MFW stupid liberal media will probably just report on how I killed people instead of all the good stuff I do for the world > Feeling low on protein > Pour some milk powder directly into my mouth > 6:01 > Finally arrive at work > Boss is livid at me for being one minute late > Had to give up unions years ago because they infringe on our freedom > Boss tells me I can keep my job, but my healthcare plan is terminated > It’s OK, I don’t want obummercare. Prostate cancer heals itself, right? > Start my shift and plunge into the coal mines God Trump has fought to protect > Elevator cable snaps midway and we plunge into a free fall > It’s okay, thank God we don’t have regulations hurting coal companies > happy to die for my company > plunge to my death > mfw

@pricklypiines

Video games and chill by myself