road to (know)here

why the fuck would this be my reaction

You must not have a best friend

bruh

how was that a physical possibility

It’s ok, I woke up two weeks ago to slapping my knuckles over my desk, and swore loudly. Only problem was that I suddenly had a thick Brooklyn accent, and thought I was a 1940s mobster for 30 seconds upon waking.

I LOVE STUFF LIKE THIS?

I did the same thing once, where when I woke up I seriously thought I was Superman for at least a good minute or so. I was reaching for my phone thinking, “Oh my God, I’ve been hiding it this whole time, I’ve gotta tell my boyfriend I’m superman.” And as I was very tiredly and sloppily writing the text I stopped what I was doing and was like, “What the fuck.”

Yes. More. I need more stories.

one morning i woke up absolutely convinced that my mom had faked her husbands death for tax purposes and i was so mad cuz i had to go to his stupid funeral with his dumb family and i thought we had finally gotten rid of him all for it to be a lie then like half an hour later im like “wait…” I told her about it later and she told me faking his death wouldnt have done much for her tax wise at all

Oh my god I love this.

My sister once went and woke up or dad to ask for lunch money and he asked her if she’d gotten the rubies yet and she said no and he told she had to get the rubies first and so she left and came back a little while later to ask again and he asked her if she’d gotten the rubies yet and she said yes and he told her okay and that she could take the $10 in his wallet.

I once had a dream that my house (and everything in it) was being claimed by loan sharks because I was so poor/in debt/or something, in my dream. I then woke up panicking/crying and looking around, confused as to why everything was still in my room. It took at least 20 seconds for me to figure out why. 

I came out of like 1 second of microsleep with the idea that Plants vs. Zombies had introduced a Charging Mooseflower.

I once woke up, and very deliberately bashed my head into the wall. For some reason I thought that was really important to do.

mine are always like weird random phrases that are just in my head and seem vitally important like one time i woke and thought to myself “a dead man’s mouth must taste like cabbage”

I woke a friend up for work once and she was just like “so it’s time to make the shields for the invasion?” She didn’t understand why I was laughing for like 3 minutes

I was on holiday in Japan about three months after I finished my masters degree, and woke up at about 4am absolutely convinced I had an assignment due in the morning that I’d not yet started or submitted… to the point that I got out of bed, turned my laptop on and was about to start it. It only then occurred to me, when staring at the backlit screen, that the degree ended months ago, that I was not in my bedroom, and I was in another bloody country trying to relax.

I once woke up to the fire alarm and a room filled with smoke, only to realize five panic stricken seconds later that it was a car alarm outside and I was staring at my white wall.

i woke up in my hotel room in australia to someone having pulled the fire alarm but i was completely convinced it was a tsunami alarm and that I could see the wave right outside the window and i just fuckin bolted out that room and left my family behind and i almost ran straight out the from door until some people in the lobby were like excuse me miss what the hell are you doing

I distinctly remember waking up once and my first, instant thought was the specific phrase “wait…aliens aren’t allowed to ride bicycles…”

I once had a very involved dream about defending a castle with a very large, oddly shaped moat. I woke up with the word “Caerphilly” in my head and the absolute certainty that I needed to get to the castle. My mom thought my subconscious was telling me “carefully,” but I was convinced it was the name of the castle. I googled it. Caerphilly Castle is in Wales. And it has a very large, oddly shaped moat. I have never been to Wales.

I once woke up one morning to see a man’s big hairy leg sticking out from under the covers in my bed. I flipped out for a good few seconds before I realized that it was, in fact, my own unshaven leg.

Incredible

I once had a dream about going to Ikea with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and a dog and I woke up thinking “but the dog wasn’t on a leash.”

solution: give fraudsters tummy rubs

Honestly I can’t believe that I’m watching this right now. This is This is the sweetest most gentle and loving and pure thing I’ve ever beheld and I feel so blessed to have seen this

“Sshh don’t cry, my baby.”

@sushitr-sh !!!!!!

gay culture is not being able to drive