Bloom Where You Are Planted

I hope you all find someone who never stops wanting to get to know you

It’s amazing how they could make an ad from 1998 that looks like a shitpost made a week ago.

My body is my temple. Ancient and crumbling. Probably cursed and haunted.

People without glasses are really out here seeing for free

Oh my god I really do have to pay to see what the fuck

the first person to fall asleep at my party gets tucked in and given some water in case they’re thirsty later

also toast and/or eggs in the morning, because I love you, you sleepy bastard

what about the last person. what do they get.

the last person is me and I get the peace of mind of knowing that my friends are as comfortable and safe as I can make them

also, their credit cards

oh gods my boyfriend isn’t home and I forget the english word for this thing and it’s bAD he usually helps but i cAN’T

I WILL ASSIST?

you know that little sea bug with the stupid hands and it has a home but it changes homes sometimes because it gets too big for it?? what is it???

Hermit crab??

THAT’S THE BITCH

kinda fucked up that i happened to be born in the one fucking era of history since the dawn of mankind that i cant just swing a sword around in the mud for a few years and then die

we’re literally floating on a tiny planet in fucking space why are we surrounded by hatred and misery. why can’t everyone just calm the fuck down and lay on some grass. the sun is a GIANT BURNING ORB why does money exist. fuck everything

It’d really suck if I got ice or water-themed superpowers. I’d have to wear blue and white and gray instead of the reds and oranges I prefer.

wear the reds and oranges and pull an iceland/greenland on em

Also, no superhero should have a name that gives away the power set. Misdirection - “Get him, Lasereye!” “Haha, my mirror will deflect your, wait, why are you made of stone now?”

They call him laser eye because he once blinded himself with a laser pointer and it was the funniest shit they’d ever seen

when thor does the :D face reblog if you agree

It wrinkles my brain that Jupiter’s moon Europa has oceans that are sixty miles deep, while Earth’s oceans only reach seven miles deep at most. I’m willing to bet good money that there’s life in Europa’s oceans. Like five bucks. You hear me, NASA? I bet you five bucks that there’s life on Europa… Now that there’s money and reputation on the line, I bet they send a mission there real quick.

I have no idea when this was originally posted, but NASA is working on their Europa mission RIGHT NOW to look for alien life! But get this, they theorize that because of the depth, gravity, and composition of the oceans, any organisms that lived there would be waaay bigger than aquatic life on Earth. So far everything’s going well with regards to their Europa mission so they should have a spacecraft on its way to look for giant sea monsters in space in only a few years. (The planned date is in the early 2020s.)

Looks like my negotiations worked. You’re welcome, humanity.

I’ve never been gripped with such cold terror and pure delight in my LIFE

i really don’t want to get out of bed i just want to sleep for a couple of days

Why would you teach your child to be rude and ungrateful. Literally why.

Fun fact: My mom taught me to thank EVERYONE. I thank the bus driver, I thank the guy at the Taco Bell drive-through window…I THANK THE TACO BELL MACHINE THE PERSON TALKS THROUGH. The sad thing is…almost everyone I know thinks this is weird. I’ve had people look at me funny because I thank the bus driver for being there because if he wasn’t I couldn’t get home safely. My friends question me because I’m thanking Taco-Bell guy because where else am I going to get cheap, crappy, delicious food for 3 drunk ass people at 2am? It’s called being a human being. Try it.

If someone does something, anything from doing dishes to picking up something you dropped to holding the door for you, you say thank you. They did something for you they didn’t have to so they deserve a thank you. It’s called appreciating the community you live in and the people around you.

All of this.