Human After All

*  A VARIETY & MIXTURE OF THE SHOW, CHANGE PRONOUNS AS NEEDED / FITTING .

❝ The next time I see you I’d like you to be wearing a necktie. ❞

❝ Get rid of the mouse, and get your act together. Now. ❞

❝ I see what you’re trying to do, but it’s not gonna work.. ❞

❝ Wow, looks like he hates you even more than me. ❞

❝ God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever. ❞

❝ Giving him a name makes him human. ❞

❝ I’m fairly certain you would be caught. ❞

❝ What’s the most valuable thing in your office? ❞

❝ You mean my job as an amazing detective/genius? ❞

❝ Did you tell her we slept together twice? ❞

❝ I’m not gonna lie, that turns me on a little bit. ❞

❝ I’d wondered why all the birds had suddenly stopped singing. ❞

❝ You’re going to leave my precinct and my task force alone. ❞

❝ Come on, who wants to take this seriously? ❞

❝ I bet she tucked herself in the bed too tight and got stuck.  ❞

❝ Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick!  ❞

❝ Oh, is he sore from high-fiving criminals he’s gotten out of jail? ❞

❝ Did he get a murderer off who then murdered him to celebrate? ❞

❝ A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together? That’s highly unusual. ❞

❝ It’s a personal matter, involving a personal friend and his personal uncle. ❞

❝ So you remembered to turn off your signature, right? ❞

❝ I promise you, as soon as they tell me, you’ll be the first to know. ❞

❝ You won. Go ahead and gloat, you toad. ❞

❝ Look, I promise I won’t tell anyone, alright? My lips are sealed! ❞

❝ This is a secret. Do you understand me? ❞

❝ You do know what they do to witches up there, don’t you? ❞ 

❝ Well, I think we handled that with dignity. ❞

❝ Are you making fun of my stutter? ❞

❝ Oh. Uh… Sorry. I think I’m feeling a little awkward. ❞

❝ How do we make it not weird? ❞

❝ I just realized I’m never gonna be able to say that to his face. ❞

❝ You know I’ve made a lot of improvements since you left? ❞

❝ I know we just met, and I don’t wanna be too forward… ❞

❝ I’ve got that feeling about you. I like you. I think tonight we- ❞

❝ They just gave me ten years in prison.. ❞

❝ You can’t do anything except disobey orders and screw up! ❞

❝ Why are you dressed up? You look like an idiot. ❞

❝ What’s up? How can I help? ❞

❝ Well, we’ll just break you down to nothin’ and see what time it is. ❞

❝ Speaking of which, I’m getting hungry. What’s for dinner? ❞

❝ Why do people like these things? They’re just shiny rocks. ❞

❝ We’re gonna talk to a lawyer and get a professional opinion. ❞

❝ Looks good! Can barely tell you hulked out in here. ❞

❝ I just threw a bunch of popcorn on the floor. It wasn’t that hard. ❞

❝ All I did was be the only person who believes in you. ❞

❝ Somebody’s tryin’ to kill me, and I need protection. ❞

❝ I can smoke as much weed as I want. ❞

❝ It’s this kind of bickering that makes us such an adorable couple. ❞

❝ I saw an opening and I had to take it. ❞

❝ But this isn’t over! I will hunt you to the ends of the earth! ❞

❝ What?! But we saw him throw them in the garbage! ❞

❝ Nobody’s ever gonna see that footage; the case was cut and dry. ❞

❝ It’s not like I’m dying to tell anyone I saw your- ❞

❝ I’m dating my son-of-a-bitch ex-husband; who am I to judge? ❞

❝ I’ll let you guys talk! I’ll just close my eyes. ❞

❝ I’ll let you give me a spray tan! Any shade you want! ❞

❝ Massage! I’ll give you a massage! ❞

❝ I’ll also give you full control over my hair and wardrobe. ❞

❝ That really freaked me out and I just want this to end now. ❞

❝ The cheese is amazing. It melts in my mouth. And in my hands! ❞

❝ Come on, you can be honest. ❞

❝ I want old, expensive books. I’ll send you a list. ❞

❝ The tow truck just got here, so that’ll buy us at least an hour. ❞

❝ Tow truck?! What the hell’d you do to my car?! ❞

❝ What we need in here is an armored personnel carrier. A tank! ❞

❝ Well, I’m gonna go follow up on a lead right now. ❞

❝ Woah, no! What’re those morons doing in there?!  ❞

❝ Why is everyone just standing around? Get back to work! ❞

❝ What’d you do? What’d you say? ❞

❝ I hear you can smuggle in crap from outside. ❞

❝ What’re you lookin’ at? You got a problem? ❞

❝ I like you. You got balls.. ❞

❝ I hate to rub it in, detectives, but I told you they’d find me. ❞

❝ Well, he keeps yelling, “Disability for life!” so I think he’s fine. ❞

❝ Who hired you? Who do you work for, pizza man?! ❞

❝ You look out there and see a problem, I look out there and see an opportunity. ❞

❝ What have I become? Was this whole thing even worth it? ❞

❝ All because we shut down a foot massage place. ❞    

❝ Oh, my God. The City has no mayor now. ❞    

❝ Put your magical hands where I can see them! ❞    

❝ Did they make their bust? Did they save the precinct? ❞  

❝ I was behind the bar the whole time. ❞    

❝ I bet they have some awesome name for it. ❞    

❝ Can a paring knife remove a human heart in under a minute? ❞    

❝ I think you guys might be our best option at finding this guy again. ❞    

❝ You know, a bunch of us are going out drinking tonight. ❞    

❝ How did you get over there? Who are they? ❞    

❝ I’ve been calling you. Why won’t you answer your phone? ❞    

❝ We’ve been onto you for weeks, and we finally got you. ❞    

❝ I’ve never seen them before! What is going on? ❞    

❝ We’re on the money trail, and we just found a new lead.  ❞    

❝ Okay, this is bad. This is really bad.  ❞    

❝ Wait… What? Did you say “eat people”? Are you a cannibal, [ Name ]? ❞    

❝ I’m always gonna be one step ahead of you. ❞  

feel free to change pronouns etc as needed.

CALM / QUESTIONING.

“ tell me, what happened?”

“ did you see anything?”

“ what do you remember?”

“ do you remember anything unusual?”

“ please, try to remember as much as you can.”

“ every detail is important.”

“ and what happened next?”

“ and what did you do when all this took place?”

“ what were you doing around __ am/pm?”

“ where were you around __ am/pm?”

“ can anyone verify that?”

“ was someone with you?”

“ and you had nothing to do with it?”

“ and you weren’t involved?”

“ did you see it happen?”

“ did you see who did it?”

“ did you see or hear anything? anything at all?”

CARING / UNDERSTANDING.

 “ you seem scared… is that why you don’t want to talk?”

“ did someone hurt you?”

“ it’s okay. you can tell me.”

“ you were just trying to defend yourself, weren’t you?”

“ we can take a break, if you want.”

“ everything will be okay, i promise. but you need to talk to me.”

“ it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. but it really would help if you did.”

SUSPICIOUS.

“ there is something you’re not telling me.”

“ i think you’re lying.”

“ you looked away just now when you said that. are you sure you’re telling the truth?”

“ except what you’re telling me doesn’t align with what we already know.”

“ seems to me like you know more than you’re letting in on.”

“ what aren’t you telling me?”

“ who are you trying to protect?”

“ so you really don’t know what any of it means? no clue at all?”

“ they must’ve told you more than that.”

“ you have to have seen more than that.”

“ and you want me to believe you don’t remember?”

“ and you want me to believe you had nothing to do with it?”

“ an accident? is that what you’re going with?”

DEMANDING.

“ i need you to tell me the truth.”

“ i need you to tell me what happened.”

“ i know you’re not telling me the truth.”

“ that doesn’t line up with the evidence. so… you wanna try that again?”

“ stop lying. i already know that’s not what happened.”

MAKING A DEAL / ASKING FOR HELP / DEMANDING HELP.

“ what do you want in exchange for this information?”

“ i’m listening…”

“ you’re coming with me.”

“ since you’re the only one who knows how to find them, i don’t really have a choice but to take you with me.”

“ fine. i’ll take you with me, but if you try anything…”

“ i can’t give you that. you know that.”

“ if we’re going to make a deal, you’re gonna have to ask for something a little more rational than that.”

“ okay. we have a deal.”

when in doubt, follow this flowchart:

have i sent a meme?

(no) –> send one!

(yes) –> send another one!

goodbye :  my  muse  kissing  and/or  hugging  your  muse  goodbye.

secrets :   my  muse  sharing/confiding  their  deepest,  darkest  secret  with  your  muse.

nightmare :   my  muse  coming  to  your  muses  aid  when  they  awake  from  a  nightmare.

push :   my  muse  pushing  your  muse  out  of  the  way  of  danger.

embrace :   my  muse  abruptly  throwing  their  arms  around  your  muse,  hugging  them  tightly.

bloody :   my  muse  coming  to  your  muse  with  blood  stains  on  their  clothes  and  hands,  shaking.

drunk :   my  muse  takes  care  of  your  muse  while  they  are  in  a  drunken  state.

bed :   my  muse  wakes  up  in  the  same  bed  as  your  muse  with  little  recollection  of  the  night  before.

slap :   my  muse  slaps  your  muse  across  the  face  out  of  anger.

gone :   my  muse  stays  by  your  muses  side  while  they  take  their  last  breath.

scream :   my  muse  hears  your  muse  scream  and  quickly  runs  to  their  side.

sleep :   my  muse  falls  asleep  on  your  muse,  making  it  hard  for  my  muse  to  leave.

stalk :   my  muse  gets  caught  by  your  muse  trailing  behind  them,  watching  them.

sacrifice :   my  muse  jumps  in  front  of  your  muse,  sacrificing  their  life  for  your  muses  life.

trail :   my  muse  watches  as  your  muse  traces  one  of  my  muses  scares,  asking  them  about  it.

love :   my  muse  confronts  your  muse  about  why  they  never  say  ’ i  love  you ’  back.

piggyback :   my  muse  jumps  on  your  muses  back,  my  muse  gives  yours  a  piggyback  ride.

jump :   my  muse  runs  to  your  muse  and  jumps  up,  my  muse  holding  yours  up  by  their  thighs.

dance :   my  muse  holds  their  hand  out,  waiting  for  your  muse  to  come  out  and  slow  dance  with  them.

carry :   my  muse  carries  your  muse  to  their  house,  either  drunk,  or  a  weakened  state,  can  specify. 

lighter :   my  muse  pulls  out  a  lighter  and  lights  it  for  your  muse  to  use  to  light  their  cigarette.

shot :   my  muse  gets  shot  and  struggles  to  your  muses  house  for  aid.

wound :   my  muse  patches  and  bandages  a  wound  your  muse  has  gotten.

fight :   my  muse  stops  your  muse  from  getting  into  a  physical  fight  with  someone  else.

arrest :   your  muse  finds  my  muse  arrested  in  cuffs  with  swarming  police  everywhere.

hospital :   my  muse  awakens  in  a  hospital,  finding  your  muse  by  their  side,  asking  what  happened.

gun :  my  muse  pulls  out  a  gun  on  your  muse,  your  muse  tries  to  talk  them  into  putting  the  gun  down. 

betrayal :  my  muse  finds  out  that  your  muse  has  betrayed  them  in  same  way  and  confronts  them  about  it.

nude :  my  muse  walks  in  on  your  muse  accidentally  seeing  them  naked.

karaoke :  my  muse  pulls  your  muse  up  on  stage  with  them  to  sing  some  karaoke  songs. 

laughter :   my  muse  hears  your  muse  laughing  uncontrollably  and  approaches  to  see  if  they  are  okay.

murder :   my  muse  walks  in  on  your  muse  committing  a  gruesome  murder.