The Despairing Rat

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Id just love to remind you that every person grieves and mourns differently. Everyone has different strengths with what they can and cannot handle. If he wants to step back to grieve the loss of an animal that was close to him, let him. I know personally from what is being discussed over and over its also for mental health on top of the mourning of his cat. I understand you lost a kitten 2 days ago, and im sorry for your loss, but just because you can stay here after that and he cannot doesnt mean that he's not doing whats right or "going to keep doing this to other people". First of all, even if you believe hes going to do whatever BS yall have cooked up to "other people", hes stepping back for a moment from like everything based on what we've discussed, and you guys keep bringing him back for stuff. Leave him alone for a bit again until hes ready. He is still 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Secondly, from everything im seeing? YOU guys are the ones harassing. There are no lies. There is straight up evidence that you guys have taken such small things and twisted them in such ways to, quite litetally, IMPACT MY PHYSICALLY DISABLED FRIEND, LEON, AND CAUSE 𝘏𝘐𝘔 PHYSICAL PAIN, AND IMPACT MY FRIEND, MEDKIT, WHO IS MENTALLY UNSTABLE TO THE POINT OF 𝘙𝘌𝘓𝘈𝘗𝘚𝘌.

Add on to this ^ this is ALSO impacting my mental and physical health as well. Ive only just made this account to defend my friends, but have been supporting them from the server and even made my own statement for leon. Both me and Leon are physically stress sick from this situation, and I am currently being evaluated for an orthopedic back situation in which my legs do not allow me to walk or feel them all the time. The stress of this has been making it significantly worse. And i know its impacting Leon's disabilies as well. I will not disclose how, as that is very clearly NOT my medical info to share. Point is: its impacting me and my friend's mental and physical health as well.

You guys are also, from what ive seen, PUSHING him to stay. Cuz yk what? HES STILL TRYING TO DEFEND HIMSELF. DESPITE BEING IN MOURNING.

Its not just your own friend's physical and mental health put on the line. It is also theirs. The people you are going after for EXTREMELY small things. Mostly misunderstandings you refuse to change your thinking to, despite all the clear evidence against your claims.

Id just love to remind you that every person grieves and mourns differently. Everyone has different strengths with what they can and cannot handle. If he wants to step back to grieve the loss of an animal that was close to him, let him. I know personally from what is being discussed over and over its also for mental health on top of the mourning of his cat. I understand you lost a kitten 2 days ago, and im sorry for your loss, but just because you can stay here after that and he cannot doesnt mean that he's not doing whats right or "going to keep doing this to other people". First of all, even if you believe hes going to do whatever BS yall have cooked up to "other people", hes stepping back for a moment from like everything based on what we've discussed, and you guys keep bringing him back for stuff. Leave him alone for a bit again until hes ready. He is still 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Mind you, this isn’t the first time he’s treated someone like this, considering he sent someone death threats for calling themself a prince instead of him. He’s an awful person and is using DARVO in an attempt to make us seem like the most horrible people for criticizing him. He might not have known transspecies was a radqueer term. Fine. But his reaction to us calling him out, especially since he doubled down, was unacceptable. The thing regarding K was a misunderstanding, fine. But Leonis’ refusal to even address it with the mod at first and overall dismissal of the minor involved’s discomfort with the situation was not acceptable. Waffle and Leonis leaking the private usernames of minors is by definition doxxing, considering how incredibly easy it is to find PII from just that, speaking as someone certified in both Net Security and IT.

This situation should have been over as soon as it started, especially since the only screenshot he has “incriminating” us was us apologizing for telling a bigot who was defending an abuser to kill themself, because we don’t usually behave like that and we felt bad about it. Because we got angry. Because we, like hopefully most other people, get angry when people are bigots. And while Rex’s reaction may have been a bit much, it’s not worth calling a system “two faced” because we have alters who act differently.

And yes, calling a system two-faced for having alters that act differently to one another is ableist (source: google??)

First of all here's me "defending people jumping a minor" with the screenshot of what they were upset about

Opposum also told someone to kill themselves (granted, it was a zeal defender, but it goes to show how two faced they are in a situation like this)

Apologies for the discord icons I was playing games with some discord members when I had to start taking care of this situation last night

And here is a statement from someone involved. There was a lot more detail when we spoke of it but I figured a statement should be enough for now since they were willing to speak.

"To be honest i didn’t want this to escalate but whatever they want

Ngl it’s funny how one of them is all about boundaries but when i stated mines yesterday I was ignored by them, even if it was being read out loud by a TTS bot, they even bother to talk over the TTS bot

Well i am sorry if I didn’t get to work for all of you on this, I was not gonna risk my anxiety spikes either way ngl

Ik you all want to start this out of a miscommunication, you all decided to take Leon’s statement about the tonetags as if he was only applying it to the “victim” instead of obviously saying it EVERYONE in that chat

Specially ik about the chats since i saw the dms get streamed, along I don’t get why do this but its in been eating up cause it all felt wrong, specially yesterday calling him a “dickrider” (I bet you all doing the same with me rn lol) only cause someone was more polite about there criticism than Raven, not cause the system was Painter.

I love how you all about boundaries while here you are harassing someone in there tumblr page."

^ when originally talking about this, this is what led me to remove the members from my server. Involving an innocent person and making them uncomfortable about it was upsetting, and if they can shit talk me, they can shit talk anyone in that server.

Here was me being a "dickrider" and also? They deleted all the messages so I wouldn't have evidence but I took screenshots while it was happening because I'm not a fucking idiot. The dickrider part was because someone gave feedback but they actually treated me nicely about it. They turned around and shit talked me with Raven who had already upset several members + gotten mad at someone of age for smoking a cigarette until I told them to knock it off in call. Several mods confirmed the behavior was disrespectful and not constructive, especially expecting that I'm writing pressure when I'm not. I'm writing Project Solace.

^ them having deleted their messages. If they were in the right why the fuck did they delete them? They also at some point in the conversation claimed something along the lines of "well IM being called rude for giving criticism" when a member was confused as to what was going on.

Supposedly, this isn't jumping someone. But calling Sebastian a medieval peasant is.

I would also like to state, y'all are really expectant of an 18yo. Being a legal adult doesn't change the fact that I'm still young and have not lived even a quarter of my expected lifespan. My brain is still developing and I'm processing trauma and dealing with disability. I'm not going to be your "mature adult" it's eightTEEN because I am barely an adult myself. Being "oh you're so immature" as a defense is also ableist as fuck, by the way, especially when you're using it to put someone with mental disabilities down, whether you mean for it to be ableist or not it fucking is.

I think this is all the current stuff I have (I've hit photo limit as well) and I'm willing to find more and answer any questions about it.

I still also have the screenshots of all the BS they're harassing me with on @princeleonis but I suggest you go look yourself since I have in fact run out of photo space here. I will address them in a later post anyway, but if you'd like to know beforehand.

That situation? Yeah. Both of us were both pretty mentally fucked. But it was originally in a joking light until we both got overwhelmed. So I went to the mod channel and let them know, and we talked about it. Cal was a genuine friend to me, and I cared about him. I later left because I felt it wasn't my group to be with, as mental health and interests clashed quite often and I didn't want to cause any trouble. I could've been better about it, but so could he. My partner left that server and he started freaking out blaming himself while I was worried my partner was going to harm themselves. I was worried my partner could be considering suicide at the time and they kept asking me to go confirm that it wasn't Cal's sys's fault. I tried to remain calm and told them I'd do it when I knew my partner was safe and okay. And I did, and they texted Cal themselves from what I know.

Both of us could've been better. I definitely could've been better, but I was also reassured by them that it was okay and it happens, and that Cal does the exact same thing. But there's a reason I left. There's a reason that I backed off when I felt it wouldn't continue to be a good friendship.

I did not get fired. I left.

My partner was actually worried I was self sabotaging but in all honesty I did it so everyone wonderful I met + myself, we didn't end on a big bad fight, but instead a calmer note. Especially at such a rough time for me when my symptoms were more haywire than usual.

I unadded Cal on discord *today* because I didn't like his partner's statement on the pressure situation and how Ren was spoken about. I didn't say anything, we haven't talked for a long while. But isn't that the beauty in life, that you can choose to cut off when you feel you're not doing well or making things better for people, and you can choose to become better?

Me and the folk in that server, we clashed. I was heavily uncomfortable a lot of the time and I coped in ways that made others uncomfortable too. That's why I left, and I was honest about it to the person who had spoken to me about being uncomfortable with some of my behaviors. I explained, apologized, and proceeded to explain that I would leave because I felt it wouldn't work out and I appreciated their time. That part, I'm sure I can find screenshots of since it was DMs.

Also, you stiiillllll don't know what doxxing means.

You know who gives me criticism? My closest friends. My "glazers". And yeah sometimes I'm not sure how to feel about it, but usually I will listen and if it's a true concern work on making that better or tell people beforehand what I might struggle with. I'm still working on it, I don't have access to therapy and I'm not in a good situation IRL. Sometimes I fuck up. Everybody does.

But what I did not fuck up was this. Two of you left prematurely. Two of you got banned. All were discord ID banned for your shitty behavior. You're harassing anyone you don't agree with, you're DEHUMANIZING people, you're refusing to actually have a constructive conversation under the guise id blow up.

Raven got a bit of a harsher response from me, but that's because I had already warned staff to keep an eye on them for **making several members uncomfortable.** I was tired of them treating others like they could do whatever they wanted. And yeah I did get a bit heated, I can admit that. But I didn't fucking harass them. I told them they were being mean, which they were. I told them I'm not writing pressure, which they seemed to claim. I did not call them a dum-dum idiot or anything.

Apparently it's jumping when it's a sebastian joke (from another minor- who y'all are acting like was some big bad adult-) but it's not jumping when someone starts being a genuine asshole about a piece of writing someone put their heart into.

You, my friend, are the ableist ones. Among other things, here's what I've personally noticed.

- constantly using maturity and age insults like baby, etc. commonly used against neurodivergent people who still exhibit less adult behaviors in some form.

- attempting to use my PD symptoms to twist my words and intentions.

- attempting to make me out to be ableist against systems despite, none of this was about anyone being a system or their symptoms being fake. At least three systems were involved, me being one of them.

You are clinging onto any cold, dead words you can find. Such little evidence on your behalf that I've had several people contact me without even reading my post wondering what the fuck y'all are on. Ignoring any of my changes as a better person just so you can paint me soulless, as if I do possess the same human qualities as you.

And remember the key thing when it comes to systemality; while alters may act on their own, say or think differing things on their own, the entire system is responsible for any poor actions and should take accountability as such. You cannot physically separate. Trust me I wish you could.

I appreciate you taking some recognition of the behaviors being wrong but y'all genuinely disrespected victims of SA and years-long manipulation.

You also call me immature but, one of your lil group threatened legal action (which. would not work for anyone, I highly doubt it'd even get picked up. Unfortunate though because you'd be doing me a favor because I don't know how to report legally with this stuff if it reaches an illegal standpoint.) you cannot block and move on, and you're so deeply obsessed with me that y'all can't just drop the idea of being the only sole victims for five seconds. All I hear is hypocrisy, hypocrisy, hypocrisy.

If anything, the few people that I no longer speak to after this, are worth seeing people believe in the right things. It tells me who are honest and good people.

For the reference, I genuinely considered you one of my friends. I never hated you. I was neutral on raven having not known them very well but the rest of you three I considered friends.

Friendships don't work out sometimes. Especially if ideas or symptoms can clash in a way where both parties get hurt. But y'all attacking people? Are you serious? Do you feel the need to act like I'm fucking trump and they're all little MAGAs? Do you really feel the need to call a human being a lapdog and dm people and send hateful asks?

You cannot see the good in anyone but yourself.

I saw a group like you once. They turned on each other sometime after I cut them out of my life. They randomly painted the older one of the group as abusive, for no reason except being asked to help with a discord.

Something tells me that if you somehow don't split on each other after you get bored of this, y'all's relationships to each other will never be healthy. You'll never be truly happy if you can't actually see past yourself or a person or two.

That's what I did with the "jumping" situation. I could've just shut it down. But I sat and thought "you know, I get it. I'd probably feel the same way too, especially with how I've misunderstood tone in the past or messed up my own." Nobody in that chat was a tone master. So I suggested tone tags for everyone, it was neutral, it kept things from being harsh or escalating, and hopefully nobody would feel in trouble because of it as that situation was an innocent misunderstanding.

For someone so soulless, I do a lot more feeling than you'd think. Even when my empathy dies on symptom swings. Even when I feel like I can't trust anyone or that the world is out to get me.

I hope that's something you learn too. Even if not now. I genuinely hope you grow to be a better person and I hope everyone involved does too, on any side. I may not like you. In fact I may have hate towards you for the people you've hurt that I care for. But I don't want you dead or gone or harassed.

So genuinely, I hope you heal from whatever it is you're struggling with. This goes for you. For everyone else involved from cal, to raven, to my own friends and followers. Everyone deserves a chance to grow.

Even people who are hellbent on ruining a few people's lives.

I will say you doing your shit talk in VC was smart. But I think it's pretty obvious that it's true considering I was told you guys claimed dickriding before you ever made a post about it.

P.s. I don't have a dick. I do not like them. so please, find another word that doesn't involve the idea of sexual actions. Especially when there's minors involved, since that's something you're focusing on. More minors than just the ones on your side by the way.

I told you, we could just cut it off and forget about each other. You guys started this. Your insults and your false claims are not proof. They are just pathetic attempts to make me look like *I'm* the one not taking accountability for the shit *you* started.

This will likely be one of my last longer statements or replies. I will still speak when I need to, reblog when needed, but I'm going to listen to my friends and stop overengaging. You can claim this is because I "have no evidence" or whatever, but I've made my point. I've shown the evidence. I can even get more I'm sure, even if not every little thing you demand. Our protectors are tired of watching this too, they don't want me to engage anymore for the sake of everyone since, the chaotic attention is what keeps you going.

So there, you have me taking accountability for what I've actually done. For what actually happened. Because while yeah sometimes it sucks to be wrong I know when to step up and explain. Even if it's not something I remember as well anymore.

And cal, when you see this. I cared about you to the very end. Regardless of what you think of me, I'm grateful you were my friend. The same goes for Seb before, inevitably I felt bitter because of my symptoms after we cut off. For a while, you guys reminded me I was a human. It's honestly sad to see that you couldn't remind yourselves the things that you taught me. And it's sad to see what you think of Ren, considering a lot of what was mentioned in that post reminded me of what Cal spoke about in terms of his own symptoms. I hope you two heal. Because I know you were going through a lot, and I think you deserve to see a better life.

You can say I'm being "guilt trip victim card" or whatever you want, but I'm being honest. 100% honest. And I'm willing to clarify any confusion in this post and talk about what I remember. I'm willing to ask my partner or my friends for statements for anywhere they were involved as well.

First of all here's me "defending people jumping a minor" with the screenshot of what they were upset about

Opposum also told someone to kill themselves (granted, it was a zeal defender, but it goes to show how two faced they are in a situation like this)

Apologies for the discord icons I was playing games with some discord members when I had to start taking care of this situation last night

And here is a statement from someone involved. There was a lot more detail when we spoke of it but I figured a statement should be enough for now since they were willing to speak.

"To be honest i didn’t want this to escalate but whatever they want

Ngl it’s funny how one of them is all about boundaries but when i stated mines yesterday I was ignored by them, even if it was being read out loud by a TTS bot, they even bother to talk over the TTS bot

Well i am sorry if I didn’t get to work for all of you on this, I was not gonna risk my anxiety spikes either way ngl

Ik you all want to start this out of a miscommunication, you all decided to take Leon’s statement about the tonetags as if he was only applying it to the “victim” instead of obviously saying it EVERYONE in that chat

Specially ik about the chats since i saw the dms get streamed, along I don’t get why do this but its in been eating up cause it all felt wrong, specially yesterday calling him a “dickrider” (I bet you all doing the same with me rn lol) only cause someone was more polite about there criticism than Raven, not cause the system was Painter.

I love how you all about boundaries while here you are harassing someone in there tumblr page."

^ when originally talking about this, this is what led me to remove the members from my server. Involving an innocent person and making them uncomfortable about it was upsetting, and if they can shit talk me, they can shit talk anyone in that server.

Here was me being a "dickrider" and also? They deleted all the messages so I wouldn't have evidence but I took screenshots while it was happening because I'm not a fucking idiot. The dickrider part was because someone gave feedback but they actually treated me nicely about it. They turned around and shit talked me with Raven who had already upset several members + gotten mad at someone of age for smoking a cigarette until I told them to knock it off in call. Several mods confirmed the behavior was disrespectful and not constructive, especially expecting that I'm writing pressure when I'm not. I'm writing Project Solace.

^ them having deleted their messages. If they were in the right why the fuck did they delete them? They also at some point in the conversation claimed something along the lines of "well IM being called rude for giving criticism" when a member was confused as to what was going on.

Supposedly, this isn't jumping someone. But calling Sebastian a medieval peasant is.

I would also like to state, y'all are really expectant of an 18yo. Being a legal adult doesn't change the fact that I'm still young and have not lived even a quarter of my expected lifespan. My brain is still developing and I'm processing trauma and dealing with disability. I'm not going to be your "mature adult" it's eightTEEN because I am barely an adult myself. Being "oh you're so immature" as a defense is also ableist as fuck, by the way, especially when you're using it to put someone with mental disabilities down, whether you mean for it to be ableist or not it fucking is.

I think this is all the current stuff I have (I've hit photo limit as well) and I'm willing to find more and answer any questions about it.

I still also have the screenshots of all the BS they're harassing me with on @princeleonis but I suggest you go look yourself since I have in fact run out of photo space here. I will address them in a later post anyway, but if you'd like to know beforehand.

If you have sources, please share. Because from what I know it's anti-zoo and anti-radqueer.

Though if you can't be kind about it, get out. I've done my best with you guys. And today I've heard y'all are making other members uncomfortable because you can't imagine that others have emotions besides you.

I did my best to be kind. Raven was on their last straw after aggravating several other members, several moderators also acknowledged that what they said was not okay.

If a mod saying Sebastian looked like a medieval peasant as a joke is jumping someone, but someone being an asshole about a piece of writing isn't, y'all need to choose different priorities. Sure. Be upset with me, whatever, but I have the evidence that you guys acted in the wrong when I tried to be kind to you.

Respectfully, I'm cutting contact here. I would appreciate it if y'all forgot about me and my turf and I will leave y'all alone too. If the situation is escalated, I will defend myself with the evidence and statements from others that I have been provided. Otherwise, stay safe and have a nice day.

I find it funny that a joke about Sebastian being a medieval peasant is jumping someone but someone being an asshole about someone's writing isn't.

Also, your blog says 18+, are you not 18+ because then we're either the same age or you're older. Not that petty grouping for maturity over a small age difference matters, as this is about a serious matter and not "who's more mature!"

For the record, I didn't want to argue publicly. I let you know how I felt on it and asked for sources because I could be misinformed on transspecies as I have been taught they're anti-zoo and anti-radqueer, and I don't want to support the wrong thing because of misinformation.