Yeah I actually unadded Cal today because of the statement his partner made about Ren recently. I guess he got salty.
That situation? Yeah. Both of us were both pretty mentally fucked. But it was originally in a joking light until we both got overwhelmed. So I went to the mod channel and let them know, and we talked about it. Cal was a genuine friend to me, and I cared about him. I later left because I felt it wasn't my group to be with, as mental health and interests clashed quite often and I didn't want to cause any trouble. I could've been better about it, but so could he. My partner left that server and he started freaking out blaming himself while I was worried my partner was going to harm themselves. I was worried my partner could be considering suicide at the time and they kept asking me to go confirm that it wasn't Cal's sys's fault. I tried to remain calm and told them I'd do it when I knew my partner was safe and okay. And I did, and they texted Cal themselves from what I know.
Both of us could've been better. I definitely could've been better, but I was also reassured by them that it was okay and it happens, and that Cal does the exact same thing. But there's a reason I left. There's a reason that I backed off when I felt it wouldn't continue to be a good friendship.
I did not get fired. I left.
My partner was actually worried I was self sabotaging but in all honesty I did it so everyone wonderful I met + myself, we didn't end on a big bad fight, but instead a calmer note. Especially at such a rough time for me when my symptoms were more haywire than usual.
I unadded Cal on discord *today* because I didn't like his partner's statement on the pressure situation and how Ren was spoken about. I didn't say anything, we haven't talked for a long while. But isn't that the beauty in life, that you can choose to cut off when you feel you're not doing well or making things better for people, and you can choose to become better?
Me and the folk in that server, we clashed. I was heavily uncomfortable a lot of the time and I coped in ways that made others uncomfortable too. That's why I left, and I was honest about it to the person who had spoken to me about being uncomfortable with some of my behaviors. I explained, apologized, and proceeded to explain that I would leave because I felt it wouldn't work out and I appreciated their time. That part, I'm sure I can find screenshots of since it was DMs.
Also, you stiiillllll don't know what doxxing means.
You know who gives me criticism? My closest friends. My "glazers". And yeah sometimes I'm not sure how to feel about it, but usually I will listen and if it's a true concern work on making that better or tell people beforehand what I might struggle with. I'm still working on it, I don't have access to therapy and I'm not in a good situation IRL. Sometimes I fuck up. Everybody does.
But what I did not fuck up was this. Two of you left prematurely. Two of you got banned. All were discord ID banned for your shitty behavior. You're harassing anyone you don't agree with, you're DEHUMANIZING people, you're refusing to actually have a constructive conversation under the guise id blow up.
Raven got a bit of a harsher response from me, but that's because I had already warned staff to keep an eye on them for **making several members uncomfortable.** I was tired of them treating others like they could do whatever they wanted. And yeah I did get a bit heated, I can admit that. But I didn't fucking harass them. I told them they were being mean, which they were. I told them I'm not writing pressure, which they seemed to claim. I did not call them a dum-dum idiot or anything.
Apparently it's jumping when it's a sebastian joke (from another minor- who y'all are acting like was some big bad adult-) but it's not jumping when someone starts being a genuine asshole about a piece of writing someone put their heart into.
You, my friend, are the ableist ones. Among other things, here's what I've personally noticed.
- constantly using maturity and age insults like baby, etc. commonly used against neurodivergent people who still exhibit less adult behaviors in some form.
- attempting to use my PD symptoms to twist my words and intentions.
- attempting to make me out to be ableist against systems despite, none of this was about anyone being a system or their symptoms being fake. At least three systems were involved, me being one of them.
You are clinging onto any cold, dead words you can find. Such little evidence on your behalf that I've had several people contact me without even reading my post wondering what the fuck y'all are on. Ignoring any of my changes as a better person just so you can paint me soulless, as if I do possess the same human qualities as you.
And remember the key thing when it comes to systemality; while alters may act on their own, say or think differing things on their own, the entire system is responsible for any poor actions and should take accountability as such. You cannot physically separate. Trust me I wish you could.
I appreciate you taking some recognition of the behaviors being wrong but y'all genuinely disrespected victims of SA and years-long manipulation.
You also call me immature but, one of your lil group threatened legal action (which. would not work for anyone, I highly doubt it'd even get picked up. Unfortunate though because you'd be doing me a favor because I don't know how to report legally with this stuff if it reaches an illegal standpoint.) you cannot block and move on, and you're so deeply obsessed with me that y'all can't just drop the idea of being the only sole victims for five seconds. All I hear is hypocrisy, hypocrisy, hypocrisy.
If anything, the few people that I no longer speak to after this, are worth seeing people believe in the right things. It tells me who are honest and good people.
For the reference, I genuinely considered you one of my friends. I never hated you. I was neutral on raven having not known them very well but the rest of you three I considered friends.
Friendships don't work out sometimes. Especially if ideas or symptoms can clash in a way where both parties get hurt. But y'all attacking people? Are you serious? Do you feel the need to act like I'm fucking trump and they're all little MAGAs? Do you really feel the need to call a human being a lapdog and dm people and send hateful asks?
You cannot see the good in anyone but yourself.
I saw a group like you once. They turned on each other sometime after I cut them out of my life. They randomly painted the older one of the group as abusive, for no reason except being asked to help with a discord.
Something tells me that if you somehow don't split on each other after you get bored of this, y'all's relationships to each other will never be healthy. You'll never be truly happy if you can't actually see past yourself or a person or two.
That's what I did with the "jumping" situation. I could've just shut it down. But I sat and thought "you know, I get it. I'd probably feel the same way too, especially with how I've misunderstood tone in the past or messed up my own." Nobody in that chat was a tone master. So I suggested tone tags for everyone, it was neutral, it kept things from being harsh or escalating, and hopefully nobody would feel in trouble because of it as that situation was an innocent misunderstanding.
For someone so soulless, I do a lot more feeling than you'd think. Even when my empathy dies on symptom swings. Even when I feel like I can't trust anyone or that the world is out to get me.
I hope that's something you learn too. Even if not now. I genuinely hope you grow to be a better person and I hope everyone involved does too, on any side. I may not like you. In fact I may have hate towards you for the people you've hurt that I care for. But I don't want you dead or gone or harassed.
So genuinely, I hope you heal from whatever it is you're struggling with. This goes for you. For everyone else involved from cal, to raven, to my own friends and followers. Everyone deserves a chance to grow.
Even people who are hellbent on ruining a few people's lives.
I will say you doing your shit talk in VC was smart. But I think it's pretty obvious that it's true considering I was told you guys claimed dickriding before you ever made a post about it.
P.s. I don't have a dick. I do not like them. so please, find another word that doesn't involve the idea of sexual actions. Especially when there's minors involved, since that's something you're focusing on. More minors than just the ones on your side by the way.
I told you, we could just cut it off and forget about each other. You guys started this. Your insults and your false claims are not proof. They are just pathetic attempts to make me look like *I'm* the one not taking accountability for the shit *you* started.
This will likely be one of my last longer statements or replies. I will still speak when I need to, reblog when needed, but I'm going to listen to my friends and stop overengaging. You can claim this is because I "have no evidence" or whatever, but I've made my point. I've shown the evidence. I can even get more I'm sure, even if not every little thing you demand. Our protectors are tired of watching this too, they don't want me to engage anymore for the sake of everyone since, the chaotic attention is what keeps you going.
So there, you have me taking accountability for what I've actually done. For what actually happened. Because while yeah sometimes it sucks to be wrong I know when to step up and explain. Even if it's not something I remember as well anymore.
And cal, when you see this. I cared about you to the very end. Regardless of what you think of me, I'm grateful you were my friend. The same goes for Seb before, inevitably I felt bitter because of my symptoms after we cut off. For a while, you guys reminded me I was a human. It's honestly sad to see that you couldn't remind yourselves the things that you taught me. And it's sad to see what you think of Ren, considering a lot of what was mentioned in that post reminded me of what Cal spoke about in terms of his own symptoms. I hope you two heal. Because I know you were going through a lot, and I think you deserve to see a better life.
You can say I'm being "guilt trip victim card" or whatever you want, but I'm being honest. 100% honest. And I'm willing to clarify any confusion in this post and talk about what I remember. I'm willing to ask my partner or my friends for statements for anywhere they were involved as well.
Anyways, I do have to rest. I'm having bad flare ups and I'm going to see some IRL friends tomorrow. So everyone reading, do have a nice night, day, or whatever it is for you. Goodnight.