जोजो का विचित्र रोमांच

for standardizing some metrics, I am deciding they all live in a city in the northeast, since that's the region of the US with the most similarities to europe. making them all straight partly to reduce variation and partly due to sexualities not being confirmed. I say they do not speak spanish since they were all monolingual during the story itself (and also to reduce variables). Making everyone Catholic for similar reasons as well, especially since Naples is much more religious than other places in Italy.

Giorno:

Fugo (gets to be atheist bc he seems most likely to be):

Mista and Bucciarati:

Abbacchio and Narancia:

Trish:

However, there is a separate methodology where I analogize Naples being southern Italy to the southern US. That does in fact change the data! Here it is for the south:

Giorno:

Fugo:

Mista + Bucciarati:

Narancia + Abbacchio:

Trish:

follow up to my last post

idk askeladd's religion but he seems to think everything is bullshit so i made him an atheist. anyways here's askeladd (the wokest mf so far lmao):

im making them all midwestern bc most of the nordic diaspora in the US lives there

gudrid gets two versions. one is catholic (the christianity she followed irl) and the other is protestant (what scandinavians actually followed after the reformation and what she would be if an actual scandi american)

gudrid nooo don't vote for trump you're too lovely. i have her and thorfinn out west and speaking spanish bc travel and broader horizons n shit

Einar:

the difference in % between catholic and protestant is just 1% so not worth differentiating lmao

leif (oh my god bruh)

bjorn (omg woke king):

Hild (making her catholic only reduces her dem % by 1% so not worth two pics):

Thorfinn:

Canute:

The lowkey headcanony sections were based on demographic makeups of parts of America (why Canute is midwestern due to him irl being Polish and scandi, both of whose American diaspora are concentrated in the Midwest) and trying to translate Norse lifestyle factors to the modern day (Canute having a privileged background, therefore being college educated and being more likely to have a well paying job, thorfinn living out west and knowing Spanish due to expanded horizons, income based on lifestyle, etc). I listed them as straight in all versions because in the source material there is no same sex attraction indicated.

However, due to my methodology, there are some amendments that can be made.

I guess if I’m being more realistic then Canute would be Protestant due to the fact that Scandinavia did become Protestant after the reformation. In that situation, his likelihood of voting republican does reduce, but regardless of if he is catholic or protestant, Canute is maga.

Thorfinn is an atheist in my methodology due to him never seeming to espouse any religion in the source material. But let’s say in the modern day he backpacks in Asia and converts to Hinduism or Buddhism or smth. In that case he’s more likely to be maga too I’m crine

Amended:

Thorfinn:

Canute:

However, Canute being king eventually means that we could also analogize Jelling to him being a city liver in the modern day. Canute from idk fucking Minneapolis or smth is de-maga'd, even outwoking a religious Thorfinn. Fascinating

The political takeaway is that white men are not to be trusted