Merthur my heart

Pepper: Pete, you did such a great job. Would you like to stay for dinner?

Peter: I-

May walks into the kitchen at 7 AM and finds Peter drinking coffee straight black while staring at the toaster like it personally betrayed him.

May: Honey, you’re sixteen.

Peter: and yet the bagel remains untoasted.

May: Why are you talking like that.

Example #1:

Peter: Dummy, no, give me the wrench, not the screwdriver.

Steve: You named the robot arm?

Peter: …No?

Dummy immediately sprays Steve with fire extinguisher foam.

Example #2:

Peter starts gesturing dramatically during explanations.

Peter: So if we reroute the power through here-

accidentally knocks over three tools

Peter: ... that was part of the visual aid.

Tony: Perfect recovery. No notes.

Example #3:

May walks into the lab and finds both of them laying on the floor staring at the ceiling.

May: Are you two okay?

Tony: Thinking.

Peter: Innovating.

May: There’s smoke coming out of that machine.

Tony: Progress always looks scary at first.

Peter: Edison got bullied too.

Teacher: Peter, where is your homework?

Peter: technically? completed.

Teacher: Peter.

Peter: spiritually? between us.

Teacher: give me the assignment.

Peter: wow. a hostile work environment.

Teacher: this is a high school.

Doctor: His reflexes are… concerning.

Tony: concerning how.

Doctor: I dropped a pen and he caught it before I did.

Peter: that’s normal.

Doctor: ...

Doctor: Also his metabolism is absurd. How much does he eat in a day?

Tony: Don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared for.

Peter: Mr. Stark bought six boxes of pop tarts yesterday.

Tony: correction: you ate six boxes of pop tarts yesterday.

Peter: in my defense I got thrown through a billboard.

Doctor: excuse me?

Peter: what if i die though?

Tony: you aren't going to die, underoos.

Peter: BUT I COULD.

Tony: but you won't. why are you so stressed out about this anyway?

Peter: because, Mr Stark, i have to give a presentation in front of the entire school.

Tony: surely that isn't as hard as talking to the interns.

Peter: it's harder because at least the interns respect me as a person.

Tony: ...do i need to call your principal again?

Peter: he's one of the one's that doesn't respect me - and if you call him again i think he's going to get a restraining order on you.

Tony: oh, that'd be fun!

Peter: that would be almost as bad as Wade showing up yesterday.

Tony: WADE? AS IN-

Peter: yes yes, it's fine he just wanted to give me a donut.

Tony: WHY DOES HE KNOW WHERE YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

Peter: Matt told him? honestly, Mr Stark, get your shit together-

Tony: said the kid who doesn't want to speak in front of the school.

Peter: my school is like, over a thousand teenagers, Mr Stark. how would you feel in a room with that many teenagers.

Tony: ...i'd rather insult capsicle's mother.

Peter: oh i've done that, actually.

Tony: ...and you lived to tell the tale?

Peter: yeah, 'cause i was right, and Mr Barnes started laughing so hard he choked on his food and we got distracted.

Tony: what did you even say?

Peter: well, Mr Barnes was telling stories about their teen years before the war, and Mr Rogers was apparently in fights a lot, and i asked if he wanted more of mummy's love and that's why he got into fights...

Tony: ...why did i raise you like this?

Tony, exhasperated: Peter you can't just say that.

Peter: yes, i can. it's not my fault Mr Rogers can't handle it!

Tony: can't handle - Peter.

Peter: what?

Tony: you told him he looked like he thrived in the great depression!

Peter: and did i lie?

Tony: ...well, no, BUT YOU CAN'T JUST-

Peter: HE LAUGHED, IT'S FINE.

Tony: TELL THAT TO MY DIGNITY?

Peter: oh, please, you don't have dignity anymore

Tony: hey, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Peter: you- *sighs* you better be joking.

Tony, amused: i'm not. please, young padawan, explain it to me.

Peter, grinning: DUM-E is an expert and putting out fires. you lit the kitchen on fire yesterday.

Tony: i'm an engineer, not a cook.

Peter: YOU WERE BOILING WATER?

Tony: I AM AN ENGINEER, PETER.

Peter: honestly, Mr Stark. how the fuck has Pepper put up with you all these years?

Tony: what a million dollar question. love, obviously.

Peter, not amused: ...Hey, FRIDAY? can you ask Pepper why she puts up with Mr Stark?

FRIDAY: Ms Potts says "because he has money," Peter.

Peter, smirking: that's what i thought.

Peter: Mr Stark, i swear to god, that is NOT WHERE THAT GOES?

Tony: i make the rules, 'roos. and i say, it does in fact, go right here.

Peter: did you do any math? like...at all? you have like, a bajillion doctorates, and yet you haven't done the math for this?

Tony: hey i did- i did the fuckin' math, Pete.

Peter, amused: okay.

Tony, hesistant: ...okay, what does THAT mean?

Peter: no, i'm believing you. you did the math.

Tony, actually terrified: shit, what the fuck am i missing? i did the math, Peter, i swear. what the actual fuck are you on about?

Peter: *snorts* oh, NOW you're thinking your missing something?

Tony, distracted: uh huh, yeah. hey, pass me that screwdriver real quick?

Peter: yeah, catch- *hums* nice. anyway, you're good now.

Tony: mhm- wait, what?

Peter: you're good.

Tony, confused, and a little scared: ...underoos. what the fuck are you on about?

Peter: take a look at the equation you were following, what you actually did, and what you almost did.

Tony: ...oh my god i almost blew up the lab.

Peter: yeah- *snorts* yeah, you did.

Tony: how did you catch that?

Peter: well, unlike someone in this room, i've actually slept. when was the last time you had a proper meal and like...a minimum of five hours of sleep?

Tony: irrelevant.

FRIDAY: three days ago, Mr Parker.

Peter, smug: yeah, that's what i thought. thanks FRI, you're my favourite.

Tony: SHE'S YOUR FAVOURITE?

Peter: she tells me the intern gossip if i ask for it. by the way, lab 14D's coffee machine broke, and they sent a repair request that you never answered. they're gonna start a coup if you don't replace that.

Tony: FRIDAY?

FRIDAY: already ordered, boss.

Tony: if the interns start a coup, you're getting the company early. actually, what do you think of-

Peter: if you haven't talked to May, i don't wanna fuckin' hear it.

Tony: ah, yes. aunt hottie.

Peter, flat-faced: *gets up and just starts walking closer*

Like the opposite of the innocent family friendly persona he would display to the public. Of course he swears in private do you see the shit he has to put up with?

Deadpool could come to him asking for advice on being a bit less muder-y and a bit more vigilante-y and instead of Peter being like "umm idk I don't wanna kill people in the first place" he's like "The fuck man, you want me to start policing YOUR morals as well as my own? UGH"

the man is broke and lonely and exhausted from fighting a never ending stream of criminals and I'd like to see a version of him that's more bitchy and frustrated in private! Think of how fun it would be to watch their dynamic when spidey takes all his frustrations out on deadpool and deadpool is very on board because it's fun/interesting to see spiderman to swear and throw him around with his super strength that he'd be too scared to use at full power on someone who actually could die.

this is merlin 70% of the time:

procrastinating assassin, turned bodyguard/lover

-

Severus: I don't... Hm, well I suppose getting beat was fairly traumatic, as you say, I mean, I don't necessarily think so, but if it appeals to your want.

Harry: *gasp* Same! See, we're bonding.

Severus: YOU WERE WHAT—

-

Harry: Oh! I've got a good one! Getting tortured by Voldemort.

Severus:... I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that, otherwise it may not be you who kills him.

-

Severus:... Hm.. Well, I suppose growing up malnourished might be considered traumatic.

Harry: Yes! See, bonding. Was it used as a punishment too?

Snape: By you.

Dumbledore: And Harry got hurt.

He has literally grown up in an abusive household, the abuse being both verbal and physical. He did not only grow up believing the lies his aunt and uncle told him but had to watch his cousin have a healthy relationship with his parents while he was treated worse than garbage. He grew up for 11 YEARS in a cupboard under the stairs. He was also malnhourised through all his childhood and adolescence. Bullied in school, no friends = no socialization. Don't even get me started with all the house chores he was forced to do...

And you tell me he can behave midly "normal" around others when he gets to hogwarts? I can't believe it. I know every person who has gone through abuse has their own way of coping, but Harry in both the books and the films doesn't even seem to remember all what he has gone through, all his life experience. He only gets some vague comments thrice a book and a scene in the films where he gets to forgive his cousin before they move out the house. Sincerely, that is the only character development I can see from their domestic situation. Dursley grew up learning to hate Harry from his parents, but has an actual character development.

Talking about character development I both love and hate Severus Snape's character for different reasons. He is odious and obnoxious, a bad teacher AND a bad person in the books, and is remembered as a sacrificial hero/spy in both the books and films which was what made me love his character. Yet I can't help to feel mad because of his character development, which is NONE, without the exception that he "betrayed" Voldemort and that stuff.

He hates Harry because he remind shim of James and only protects him for Lily, but... wouldn't had it been more interesting if while watching Harry (having in mind Harry actually gets to cope as a 11 year old abused child) interact in school, study.. etc and realise he is not James? Wouldn't had it been more interesting if he had gotten to actually get to know him and learn to love Harry? (in a platonic way please do not misunderstand what I mean, love can come in more ways than just romantically). To leave past behind and want to protect him for who he is. He is not Potter nor James, not Lily, he is Harry.

And now that we're on it, to let Harry talk about his life with a responsible adult and not some kid who can't relate with his situation.