The anxiety of putting myself out there is wild, why did I sign up for this?

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if i look back, i am lost
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YOU ARE THE REASON

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@idkhowtomakethis
The anxiety of putting myself out there is wild, why did I sign up for this?

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This is the first time in a long time I've genuinely not know what to do except something I really shouldn't
I hate my life so much I'm literally trying so hard and I keep getting kicked while I'm down I'm so done I'm tired of needing a phone I honestly can't do this anymore I'm tired of nothing working I'm tired of constantly having to work shitty jobs I'm tired of being alive its like not fucking worth it at all. I hate it I can't do it I wasn't made to live.
can I get a fucking break? is that too much to ask? Is it too much to ask that shit go right? fuck all of this fuck my entire fucking life
I'm so hungry

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The reason they keep making sequels is predictable revenue. They donβt want to risk losing money by making something new. But everyone is catching on so itβs gonna be adaptations now. The second you sacrifice passion for money you are not creating
I'm a man for the bit but that's it-I can also be a man when no one has a plan. Wearin masculinity like it's arbitrary cause I can; still out performin the modern man.
no please, I can change! I've been living in Seattle for the last 16 years!
I think I'm just bad at communicating

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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My favorite thing about fandoms is that there is always an mlp fan somewhere that can and will turn everyone into a pony, doesnt matter what genre the thing is or if its not super popular, it will be pony-fied
The merwaine headcanons that no one asked for
- I've said it before and I'll say it again Gwaine is a scared cat and it took Merlin a laborious amount of time to get it through Gwaine's head that he's loved and appreciated
- Gwaine is afraid of Merlin's magic for all of ten seconds and then he's just hurt it took so long for Merlin to tell him. This is the first and biggest fight of their entire relationship.
- Merlin is avoidant as fuck and will find ways of talking around his problems if he feels like it'll be inconvenient to actually address the issue, Gwaine hates when Merlin tries to drag him around the verbal merry-go-round and this is their biggest point of conflict overall
- Gwaine doesn't shut up about Merlin. Gwaine is a wife guyβ’ he is insufferable
- Percival didn't know they were dating for the first half of their relationship because he didn't see that much of a change. It wasn't until someone asked him why he was constantly third wheeling that he put two and two together. (Merlin and Gwaine don't mind Percival being around they're that one post where it's the couple with the aro friend who's not dating them but is part of the dynamic)
- Gwaine mentioned potentially shaving his beard once (1) and Merlin was like "no tf you're not" and he was right. No tf Gwaine was not.
- Merlin does a lot of seemingly innocuous things that are micromanaging Gwaine's health. Like he slowly changes Gwaine's diet, encourages him to take longer rest periods, finds ways to keep him off the training field when he's received mild injuries that aren't technically rest day worthy, keeps from going to tavern as often and when they do go to the tavern he convinces Gwaine to 1) leave early 2) will start just giving him water at a certain point
- and of course, they be fucking. And when I tell you Gwaine is a service top you know I'm right. Merlin basically moves into Gwaine's chambers.
- surprisingly it takes a long time for everyone to catch wind of the change in their relationship when it happens, Leon and Arthur are the first people to notice. Then Elyan, who is the one that asks Percival why he's third wheeling. Lancelot knew the whole time, and was constantly receiving updates from Merlin and knows More Than He Wants Toβ’
- Merlin is constantly stealing Gwaine's jackets-Gwaine can't be mad because Merlin is wearing his jacket how's he supposed to be mad?
- Gwaine sleeps like a rock so Merlin gets to play with his hair while he sleeps.
- Gwaine will pretend he's having a hard time sleeping without Merlin to guilt trip him into coming to bed when necessary
- Gwaine didn't know he was possessive until he and Merlin got together and he realized just how many people are obsessed with Merlin
- Merlin was already aware that he was possessive, and told Gwaine as such, and Gwaine is very attracted to this
shitty shitty day so im trying to wnjoy some nice relaxing merwaines in the merwaine tag but every second post is my bloody art MOVE OUT OF THE WAY
very fun morgwen comm i got to do!!!

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Im experiencing bbc merlin for the first time and suffering for lack of fandom as well help, im on se2 ep 10
Its not a lack of fandom I promise there's a surprising amount of active Merlin blogs. It sort of just depends on what you're looking for. I posed my reactions when I first started watching the show if you want to scroll back on my liveblogging tag (granted I think I missed a couple) its bit of a mess but its there.
Not to mention the amount of video essays on youtube, the clip compilations, all the fanfics, the gimmick blogs
I'm a fan of media analysis though, and unfortunately there's not much I can bring that conversation that hasn't been said a million times over. I should know I've read the posts lmao
"so anticlimactic! "