the almighty ruins

“It’s funny, isn’t it, how soft hearts love the hardest?”

“it’s dangerous, I can already tell. I notice when I miss your hand wrapped around mine, I notice how I wish to tell you everything about my day, I notice the absence of your laugh mingled with mine. I can notice the attachment I have to you now, and I also notice, how incredibly vulnerable that makes me.”

I do get it.

“My thought is me: that’s why I can’t stop. I exist because I think… and I can’t stop myself from thinking. At this very moment - it’s frightful - if I exist, it is because I am horrified at existing. I am the one who pulls myself from the nothingness to which I aspire.”

“You were the one..but I wasn’t”

“People say they’ll always be here but they’re not here at 2am when the world is collapsing all around you and your thoughts are beginning to scream.”

“I’m used to it”

“there’s a voice that whispers you did it all wrong you’re doing it all again when the room is quiet and the wind is dead fears bubble up crying knotting their way into my ears I know who I am I know who I am but their voices are louder and I sink below my mistakes and my tossed away dreams into the deep until my hands have gone numb and there is nothing left”

She is all too familiar with the shape of her jaw, the look of her teeth, the position of her eyes, the length of her limbs. All too familiar with her thoughts perhaps as well. And I suppose it does make me a kind of sad to realize she will never meet herself with a mind utterly vacant of reservation, and through eyes virgin to her beauty, for I reckon such an engagement would shift all the stars in her universe, much like mine did when I first set eyes on her, and much like they still do every time she smiles.