brrtrouper

Clark: *angry grumbles while turning away*

Clark: it would have been better if you would have told me that you don't love me anymore

Bruce: you know what my chest is still available if you wanna grab the opportunity

Clark: *amused* How many others have you told that cheesy line?

Bruce: well actually none..except for a grumpy kryptonite who is running away from me

Clark: Oh my a kryptonite? Wow, who might be that unlucky Kryptonian, successful enough to run away from Mr. Bad Bat?

Bruce: well well who might it be except for good ol’ Kansas farm boy

Clark: my my now he is good after you just called him grumpy huh?

Bruce: well he is grumpy but of course, he is my grumpy kryptonite good ol’ Kansas farm boy *smirking*

Clark: I must say Mr. Wayne has a way with his words

Bruce: of course my cute grumpy boyfriend deserves all of it maybe even more *winks*

Clark: *rolls his eyes* why did I even say that

Bruce: So shall we go for round 2?*all excited*

Clark: I’m sorry Mr. Wayne. But I can only do it with my husband

Bruce: but I’m your husband.

Clark: I don’t remember marrying a weak guy whose arm fell asleep *bombastic side eye*

Kon: what is there that I lack? I'm perfect for your son

Jason: I would say he lacks common sense

Dick[sighing]: describe why you love Tim?

Kon: he is a huge coffee addict, the Robin costume looks ugly but I guess those are the things that make him look hella attractive not to mention he has a great as-

Bruce, Damian, Jason & Dick [ready with their weapons on Kon's neck]: be careful how you finish that sentence

Kon[flying out of the window]: HE GOT A GREAT ASS

[An hour later]

Metropolis reporter: today's breaking news Batman and the Robins are chasing after Superboy while throwing profanities. Oh wait we see Red Hood let's ask him about the situation

Reporter: Red Hood what brings you all to the metropolis today?

Red Hood: oh it's just a family outing to promote tourism to Gotham not like we are trying to make Superboy disappear from the face of the earth and bury him somewhere. Now now where did our Superboy kid run off to now?

Reporter:

[In Kent house hold]

Kon: Dad...you know I love you soo much right?

Clark[sighing]: what did you do this time?

Kon: Dad you gotta protect me they are coming for me

Clark: they who?

Kon: the bat fa-

[Window breaking and batfam entering]

Kon[already using Clark as human shield]: they are here dad

Bruce: Clark stay out of this

Clark[confused]: what did he do for the whole bat family to chase after him

Damian: ask him yourself

Clark: so what did you do?

Kon[shyly grinning]: I complimented Tim's ass..

Clark: I mean I see where you are coming from..I mean Bruce also has a great ass..but that's not the point now.

Dick: guess it's time to end the whole Superman bloodline

Jason: deviation in the plan now it's both dad-son duo

Clark: Can I say something before I die?

Bruce[with kryptonite]: you may speak

Clark: Bruce I always wanted to tell you something, you look really beautiful, and last Thursday, you looked amazing in those black undies.

[few seconds after Bruce left]

Jason: from today on I'm the king of this city. Bow down to me peasants

Tim: bow down huh? Come here let me bow down your head backwards

Jason: you dare to talk back to me, you imbecile. Our fight shall be worthy

Tim: let's meet in the ring, peasant

Damian: On one side we have our penny worth king and on the other hand we have a dime worth peasant. The fight shall begin

Jason: here you go peasant have this +2

Tim[smirking]: bow down to me. *Throws a +4*

Jason[grinning]: huh bow? To you huh? Now suffer

*throws 2 +4*

Tim[pulls out Jason's order history]: checkmate

Jason[laughing maniacally]: any last words? *Pulls out Tim/kon cute pics together*

[loud gasps audio]

Dick[in batman's cape]: order order silence in the court

Jason: your honor this villain has stolen my rightful place as the king.

Tim: objection you honor. It's all a lie. I'm the rightful king. I even have witness with me

Dick: present the witness

Damian[in specs]: your honor I'm Detective Wayne I would say they both are liars. *Removes the specs* it's I, I am the actual king, my lord

Bruce: no your honor, it's me. I'm the real king.

[loud gasps]

Dick[sweating]: haha the court declares Bruce as the king and is now adjourned.

Jason[silently walking away]: yea yea he is the kin-

Bruce[catching Jason]: now as the king, I shall hand over the decree

[collective tsks from kids]

Bruce: my dear subjects, from today on each Friday shall be 'Who dressed up as the best meme' war. The winner shall be awarded adequately.

Damian: it's not like we lack anything father

Bruce: the winner shall be awarded with Batman's affection

[collective screaming]

Jason: this time I shall win

Damian: dream on

Clark[outside window]: can I also participate?

Jason: he came as Santa Claus

Tim: not this year too..

Jason: he asked what's his wish

Dick: don't tell me Bruce again asked for a kiss on his stick for good luck

Jason:[snorting] yeah

Dick: [snickering] When will Clark realize Bruce means his golf stick and not that stick

Tim:[unfazed] Not until Bruce pulls out a ring and asks Clark to wear it as some future Christmas punishment.

Jason: But Bruce is slick for asking Clark to sit on his lap as a punishment this year

Dick: I hope from next year they will stop playing gay chicken

Jason: nah I wanna see how far they gonna go before one of them actually confesses

Tim: easy for you to say, I don't think me going temporarily blind on mission excuse is gonna work next time if I again accidentally walk on them

Dick: Lucky you, I had to pretend I had amnesia for a month. It was hell. Imagine pretending life doesn't suck. Lol can't be me

Jason:[fuming] Who thought giving a toy gun in an Xbox pack was a good idea. whoever it is you better start praying. Kon:[ugly sweater but with bad kon pics] HA!? which one of you did this? Jason:[snorting] lmao..you totally deserve it 10/10 to whoever did it. Dick: WOAH!! NO WAY! Thanks to which one of you who gifted me these beautiful customized escrima sticks. I love you. Tim: Aww thanks for this beautiful bracelet and chocolates Jon:[amazed] It's the superhero-themed blanket that I wanted. thank you so much. Damian:[touched] Whoever thought of giving me this precious matte black finish grappling hook bad boy. thank you from the bottom o my heart

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Superman - All Media Types, Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent & Bruce Wayne, Diana (Wonder Woman) & Clark Kent Characters: Clark Kent, Superman, Bruce Wayne, Batman, Diana (Wonder Woman), Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Barry Allen, Flash, Martha Kent Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Protective Clark Kent, Clark Kent Needs a Hug, Hurt Clark Kent, Jealous Bruce Wayne, Angry Bruce Wayne, Protective Diana (Wonder Woman), Kryptonian Culture & Customs (DCU), Emotional Hurt, Sad Bruce Wayne Summary:

Guy A: I'm rich and handsome

Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?

Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.

Guy A: ex-xcuse me??

Damian: you are excused. Now get out

Tim: and what about you?

Guy b: I can protect him

Damian: protect?? dad??

Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.

Guy b: but he ain't Batman though

Jason: bitch he might be

Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?

Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman

Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce

Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day

Tim: so what makes you special?

Clark: I can cook for him

Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?

Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him

Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.

Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-

Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud

Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece

Clark: uh..soo

Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.

Dick: Definitely

Jason: prepare your vows

Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background

Clark: oh it was Bruce

[collective HUH from batkids]

Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys

[collective even louder HA]

Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating

[collectively yelling WHAT]

Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me

Clark: Ask him out for what?

Dick: Oh, come on now.

Jason: Seriously, man? Really, man? Ask him out for what?

Tim: Okay, to break it down in simple words, we want you to ask Bruce on a date... with the future prospect of proposing to him.

Clark: Um... what makes you guys think this is a good idea?

Dick: No way, you don't know why?

Damian: Look, alien, if it weren't for my dad's eyes lighting up whenever he sees you like his life depends on you, your bones would have been broken—at least once.

Jason: Add kryptonite bullets too.

Dick: And mean memes about Superman.

Tim: Plus maxing out your credit score.

Clark: How did you guys go from suggesting ' I ask him out ' to plotting the downfall of my life?

Jason: See, your handmade pies and cakes are to die for, but our Bruce only wants your built-in cakes and pies.

Tim: Jason, no!

Dick: Jason, slay.

Damian: Clark 0, us 100

Flash: hey everyone! Me and Hal are officially dating

Wonder woman: congratulations!! 

Clark: I knew it! See I wasn't lying when I told you guys that I saw them holding hands.

Diana: that's cute

Arthur: I also saw Barry trying to kiss Hal with hot Cheetos crumbs

Diana: ok now that's not cute 

Bruce: me and Clark are going to get married tomorrow. You all are invited.

Diana: wow..straight up marriage? Still congratulations!!

Hal Jordan: wait, you guys were even dating?

Diana: what makes you question that?

Hal: I saw him punching supes with a Kryptonite ring

Arthur: even I saw them.

Diana: you also saw him punching?

Arthur: Yeah, I saw them punching each other with...their lips

Clark: it's a bit chilly today, don't you think?

Lois: [quietly] But it's the middle of June

Perry: uhh…nice fashion you got there, Kent

Clark: [awkwardly] thanks

Sometime later..

Clark: this won't work for long

Bruce: [chuckling sheepishly] Why, what happened?

Clark: why you ask?

[lifts his sweater to show the huge iron press mark]

Clark: you know, people looked at me like I was a lunatic

Bruce: [dying of laughter] I would make sure to do better next time

Clark: by better, you mean not burning it and not you being creative while burning it, right?

Bruce: [feigning innocence] oh my, definitely dear

Bruce: I'm a menace, a threat, a shadow vigilante who would beat you up so discreetly that they won't even know it's me. What makes you think I will care about cutlery?

Clark: Bruce.. I'm sorry but I have to do it...

Bruce: so at the end you only wanted me for money...I trusted you Clark..

Clark: but Bruce that's the rules of monopoly

Bruce: Ma Kent NEVER RAISED YOU LIKE THAT

Jason: and they call me the drama queen

Tim: did you forgot the time you tried to sell your body because you couldn't pay rent

Dick: says the one who begged not to be put in jail because he has 3 children to take care of

Damian: remember the time when you were asked to pay rent, and you simply said, “baby, I'm not even here, I'm a hallucination”

Jason: at least I didn’t try to sell Superboy off just because I didn't have money

Superman: Batman, would you like to be Rose to my Jack? *Winking aggressively with a rose in mouth*

Batman: *too busy arranging documents* Why? Do you wanna die like him?

Superman: *almost tearing up* n-no..I wanted to be love of your life

Batman: *dramatically turning* oh oh..

Rest of the JL looking at them with stoic face

Aquaman: Do they always have to do it?

Green Lantern: We get it you guys are dating!!! No need to make us feel more lonely!

Some time later...

Flash: Green Lantern are you dressing up as trash?

Green Lantern: excuse moi? Why the actual fck would I?

Flash: cause I wanna take you out *lip bites*

Green Lantern: you should stop spending time with supes

Flash: soo...can I take you out?

Green Lantern: trash talk again and I will throw you out for sure *walking away*

Green Lantern stopping mid way and glances at flash : and it's a yes, you can take me out

Rest JL looking at superbat and then green lantern with flash

Wonder woman: at this point I'm just dressing up as wonder woman