i admit i’ve made mistakes, i’ve been toxic and my behavior was very out of line. i know an apology won’t fix that. i’ve had a hard time with handling situations in the best way and often not in the kindest either. sometimes i say things in the spur of an angry haze and i don’t always think about how sonia felt. i’m not proud of these things, and i regret them deeply. but what i am proud of is being able to admit them and start the process of working on my faults and shaping myself into a better person, that’s what is important. i genuinely feel remorseful for the way i treated him and i wish it never happened.  

note: i completely understand what i did was wrong and there is no excusing my behavior. i will be held accountable for my actions, but i won’t take the blame for certain things i didn’t do. with that being said, in this post, i will express myself truthfully and be honest about what i did. 

also, to those who are upset by my actions, you’re allowed to be upset. your feelings matter and they are valued. i respect those who feel that way towards me and i don't blame them. 

this post is only to clear up any misinformation. since i never addressed the matter at hand publicly - which is why there are so many rumours about me. it was only until now i gained the confidence to make a post in regards to the situation. i used the time efficiently to gather all my thoughts down after i read my ex's callout thoroughly and it goes without saying, i can confirm the stuff i did was terrible. (i was emotionally draining and consistently dismissive with my behaviour whenever he would confront me, not to mention i was excessively emotionally draining him whenever i vented and it got out of hand. i sincerely feel remorseful for what happened and i regret it.)

secondly, the aim of this is to clear up what has been said about me that isn’t true. it isn’t justified for sonia to purposefully go out of his way to hurt me for “revenge.” out of an angry haze, this doesn’t count if you don’t act upon violent intrusive thoughts. this is different, since sonia acted upon those thoughts to intentionally hurt me just because of how i treated him, which is understandable when you put it in perspective, however it’s wrong to hurt someone back after they have already said sorry and feel sincerely remorseful about it. with that being said, i believe that i shouldn't be harassed and stalked for anyone’s entertainment and selfish benefit. stalking isn’t a joke, neither is tormenting a minor online for the “fun of it.” because of what has happened, i’ve become seriously traumatised due to the immense amount of stress that has been put onto me the past year and months. i won't tolerate those who humiliated me for no absolute reason at all. 

with that being said. i am not contradicting my actions with others. i'm calmly stating that i genuinely believe that people shouldn't harass me for no reason. just for "revenge."  i'm allowed to defend myself when i am being harassed, not confronted. i know what i did was wrong and i feel real bad about it. i never wanted it to happen. 

i know this post won’t fix anything that has happened in the past. this is here to provide insight into the situation so there is nothing else to assume anymore. so i can put this all behind me respectfully and move onto being a better person.

note: (before sonia’s callout was even posted) me and him discussed solutions to our problem over skype respectfully, and we left it at that! it was only a few weeks after we privately talked things out, he posted the callout. 

which is when i made a formal apology to him and we both agreed i would work on being a better person prior to the callout ever being posted in the first place. 

i’m going to clear up anything that was misinterpreted in sonia’s callout. lets start with his first point that he wrote about me in regards to me deleting my messages.

first of all it’s true that i delete my messages, i won’t deny that but that does not mean i intend on “covering up anything.” i’m trying to avoid deleting my messages! i only struggle with it due to OCPD (not to be confused with OCD.) i delete things to avoid stressing over feeling cluttered, not to cover up anything! i’m currently trying to unlearn these traits and working on getting better. 

it’s true that i vented often without asking and it was very inconsiderate of me! i never realized how my emotions were affecting others and i should of acknowledged that more quicker instead of ignoring it. 

@/skoodge confronted me quite a bit in regards to my venting and i dismissed it. i wasn’t open with listening to what i did wrong at the time and i regret it deeply. it was inconsiderate of me to impulsively vent without asking, and i should of given him time to recover instead of dumping how i felt onto him constantly.

sonia lied about being “pressured” into nsfw when he was the one who saved my sexts and outed them for no reason other than to humiliate me. he made me feel extremely uncomfortable to the point i felt sick. i feel absolutely horrendous being accused of a really serious accusation. i am being completely honest. i have never. NEVER pushed this person into anything. 

here is proof of one of my friends confirming it. (as well as sonia clearly avoiding the question of being confronted because he knew what he was doing wrong.)

i never gave him permission to screenshot anything either, i feel extremely uncomfortable to think he documented sexual texts without my consent, and the fact he screenshotted nsfw texts behind my back, is really not okay.

secondly, he claims that all of it was “justified” when he sent me awful things, and threatened me to see how “id react.” on purpose. 

he wanted to harm me to hurt me and scare me into killing myself. he constantly sent me death threats saying i should do so, and if i didn’t he would continue to ruin my life. i don’t think it should of been taken this far. in regard’s to trying to ruin my life and trying to make me kill myself which has left me in a constant state of paranoia, . i haven’t been able to function the same way since the drama after what has happened. 

this is a complete misunderstanding - i was not defending terfs at all. i was respectfully giving my opinion about discourse as a general topic, because i don’t tolerate attacking other people for entertainment. for context:

he accused me of “defending” terfs. when i simply stated my personal opinion about drama. all i was was, “i don’t agree with people sending eachother death threats and violent messages over drama. i believe we should talk things out kindly instead of getting aggressive.” i never said anything about defending a terf.

i admit i was very open with my emotions whenever i vented at the time. i never took the other person’s emotions into consideration. 

i do not use it as a personal gain. my intentions are not purposeful. i trusted him with my emotions and i felt safe to open up to him. i never expected it to be used against me. i never “guilt tripped “ him on purpose. 

i’m aware of how my disorder can impact others emotionally and how it can take a mental toll on them. i struggle with a dependency disorder which i am currently working on learning to control it the best way i can, i have sincerely improved overtime before this was all posted. 

i used to fixate on doubles of myself very often. which was terribly unhealthy for me and caused everyone around me to feel uncomfortable. i feel extremely guilty and ashamed of this and i regret what i did. i never thought about how people would feel when i copied them, i was so focused on trying to be like that person and fell into an unhealthy habit. however, i never said that i “wished a double would fall down some stairs.” this is not true. i never wished harmful things upon anyone.

update, 27/10/18: i have changed from this entirely, i no longer copy doubles and they don’t bother me anymore. 

i never “stalked” sonia or his friends at all. i impulsively looked at their blogs every so often out of paranoia and screen-capped their posts to vent about on my personal vent blog. 

i have every right to vent about something that is bothering me on a personal blog. this should not be used against me. my vent blog was private. it was a place for me to get my thoughts down about the situation since i was stressed venting to him about it after he told me i was draining him. i had no idea sonia still had access to my vent blog and i never told him to look at what i was posting. 

shortly after, sonia did confront me about the end of our relationship. i admit i was really selfish and rude in the screenshots he provided! i didn’t realize this at the time he was confronting me. i was so caught up in how i felt and said things in an angry haze. in all honesty, i regret how i acted during that conversation! i was just dismissing it, when at the time i should of just talked it out. i’m really sorry for the way i acted here and i’m currently working on how i respond to confrontations calmer. 

this part of his callout turns the situation around and is entirely false, leaving crucial information. sonia knew at the time i was distraught over everything that has happened, so did aisling, as well as dib (who goes by spencer now.) they were all in on the joke, despite me not knowing anything around this time.

sonia lied to me when i saw those screenshots, i was upset and felt left out, simply because he told me that “we were still friends” never making anything clear to me about aisling and spender, as i wasn’t apart of their group. 

sonia continued to cover it up by lying to me, which is why i felt left excluded because i was led on believing we were all still relatively “friends.” after he gas-lighted me. 

this is extremely hypocritical, as he was using my vent posts against me, when i was just simply venting out my feelings due to feeling stressed about the entire situation. when i’m unstable i cannot think clearly. i already struggle with communicating and what i said came across as harmful because of how upset i was. 

i remember very clearly that he was discussing with someone about this drama and they told me that he said he thought my trauma was fake, which is why i was upset. because he never told me the truth at all. 

when i drew that picture when i was age regressing. this is a misunderstanding as i never drew anyone representing anything, that was never my intention. it was just a vent drawing, there’s nothing else to it. there’s no need to exaggerate a meaning behind a drawing.

i never knew that word was a slur at the time. i would of appreciated it if someone told me calmly and educated me about it instead of attacking me.

not to mention, a friend at the time was throwing it around like it was a joke, i was influenced into thinking it was okay to use, since they were using it. i was wrong, but i didn’t know that. 

after finding this out, i went ahead to apologize to spider since i feel bad for using a slur like that, i shouldn’t of said it in the first place. after i privately confronted spider about the slur and they told me it never bothered them at all. 

not to mention that isn’t the real spelling. i don’t think can be considered as the actual slur since i never typed it out fully.

note: i was being sent rather aggressive anons around the time this was posted and i was paranoid and very delusional and passed a lot of things off as hate. the way it was worded was very intimidating and had me on edge, i had every right to delete asks that make me feel uncomfortable or anxious when the person isn’t calm with me and is instead showing hostility. 

i never got angry at him for venting about his abuse. i was upset at the fact i found the post he made calling me annoying and told me to shut up while he i was venting to him after he told me it was “okay.” to do so. basically lying to me. finding out that your own boyfriend was telling you to shut up when you trusted him with your emotions is really hurtful.

the second part of where i invaded his privacy, was true and i shouldn’t of ever looked through his personal vent blogs when i saw them. however, he shouldn’t of invaded my privacy with my vent blog. this is hypocritical since he made fun of every post i made on my vent blog and disregarded how i felt as well. 

i never “made” him do anything for me when he was the one that offered at times to help on his behalf. 

at the time i was really afraid and unwilling to defend myself because i was terrified of my abuser and possible backlash. 

sonia offered to do certain things for me such as talking to people about removing posts and clearing things up. i never guilt-tripped him into doing either of this, he was the one that brought it up. 

i never got angry at him when i found out dib (spencer.) was his new fp. i was upset at the time and thought i was being replaced as i struggle with abandonment issues. i immediately introduced sonia to someone new and suddenly found myself being left behind a lot.

i did say i was scared, but never intended for it to be guilt-trippy. i understand i was open about my thoughts. that was only because i never expected anything like that to happen. i recognize i should of taken it more calmly instead of being selfish about it. 

“despite it being something i have absolutely no control over.” 

it’s funny how he turns me deleting messages into a bad thing when it is also something i have no control over. it’s proof how hypocritical one can be going to a lengthy point of making themselves look innocent while putting on an innocent act despite doing the same exact thing. 

first of all, i never said any of those tags were romantic, nor were they meant to be. they were platonic feelings for a character that used to make me extremely happy. 

i understand he was jealous, but just like how i got upset and angry with dib being his said fp, i felt as if i couldn’t express myself with how i loved characters he did too, he never allowed me to post about how sylvia made me happy, nor did he allow me to do the same with hater, these are fictional cc’s that make me comforted, and seeing those character’s make me happy too. 

he got extremely angry at me for reblogging ship art, i’m not sure how this is bad at all. as he would do the same thing in reblogging picture’s of commander peepers and lord hater too, adding romantic tags while we were dating, but it never bothered me

the thing that really made me afraid was how angry he got over me reblogging something that made me happy, once he told me to tag it, i did. yet, he still took it out on me which made me feel horrible for looking up to a fictional character and being happy. 

UPDATE, 27/10/18: i do not care about these characters anymore and have no feeling in regards to them. i hate wander over yonder and i despise it with my heart, i never want to be associated with it ever again.

first of all, that ask i received was worded rather aggressively which is what made me feel anxious. i would of appreciated if at the time it was worded more “calmly” that would of provoked me to communicate but i was never talking bad about folks who have low empathy. 

i admit it was really immature of me to delete it straight away when i should of just taken it into consideration and calmly spoken about it. it was just around the time i was being sent ton of hate and threatening messages that left me paranoid and scared. i often have delusions about people trying to “get me” and because of this i was just paranoid of the ask being hateful when i should of taken criticism lightly and calmly instead of reacting badly. 

edit: 11/11/18 i do not react this way to asks such as this anymore. as someone who now struggles with low empathy myself, i fully understand and i am more calm and collected with the way i handle situations.

red did confront me about how i vented to people without their permission, and i can confess that i dismissed it, i was really ignorant at the time and i never really took anything into consideration back then. 

this is not true, i never directly said i was being fake to him. i do not “act.” fake, or “pretend.” to be nice to lure anyone in. i genuinely do want to be a optimistic and happy person and from time i have improved certain aspects on myself, back then i used to be extremely guilt trippy, in regard’s to our relationship, but never did i ever say i was acting “fake.” on purpose. this is not true. 

edit: 11/11/18 i don’t act like this anymore and i really don’t care about the way i come off to people. i understand that the way i acted in the past was really disgusting and embarrassing. i regret typing the way i did and acting “uwu” for attention. i don’t act like that or type the way i used to anymore 

I DO NOT FAKE MY ABUSE! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!

i shouldn’t be obliged to talk about my abuse personally just to justify what happens to me at home, but for the sake of context i’ll clear it up. 

what was happening: my mother was drunk at the time and i was panicking. sonia has no idea about my abuse, parents can act “nice” and ask for certain things. that doesn’t cancel out their terrible behaviour at all. abuse is different for everyone. none of you and him had the right to spread an audio post of me crying about my abuse either when you don’t know the context of the situation. 

i was posting that i needed help on tumblr because i knew from personal experience it would end badly as it has happened in the past. in order to steer away from conflict i had to avoid her questions. she knew i was on a call and started to act “kind” in order to seem innocent, however when the call ended immediately bad stuff started to happen. 

sonia had no right to judge what happens to me when he doesn’t deal with the same stuff i deal with. nor does he have the right to call my mental illness fake when he doesn’t have what i deal with in the first place. i’m not allowing him to accuse me of “faking” based off a misunderstanding. 

that does not make up the entirety of my abuse. 

first of all, i never “guilt-tripped” him into staying awake for anything. it was his conscious decision to stay up when he had every right to communicate how he felt about it at the time, he never told me anything. he lied to me constantly and covered everything up it got to a point where i felt as if i couldn’t feel safe with him anymore. 

i understand how me being upset might of came off that way but i never intended to be “guilt-trippy”  this wasn’t to get my way or anything, i was genuinely upset. at the time i was extremely clingy and latched onto him as a dependent person which was really unhealthy at the time. so i understand how he felt “obliged” to care for me when he shouldn’t my problems are not his responsibility. 

it’s funny how sonia is trying to make me look bad just because i told him i felt as if he was making fun of something that was important to me. 

on his blog him and spencer reblogged a post about electroswing making fun of a certain song that was really personal to me and both commented saying  how “ how “stupid” it sounded. to me i felt extremely hurt by this and calmly let him know respectfully. i have no idea how this is bad at all. 

secondly, sonia posted a very vague post that said: “i hate her so much.” immediately after talking to me in a stream about his ex gf aisling. he told me how she was “abusing” him which made me extremely worried for his well-being. 

i asked him if it was about her and he lied to me by confirming it was. (this was all over rabbit. i wish i had the screenshots but please, believe me on this, i didn’t screenshot anything at the time because i never knew he was lying.) 

he messaged aisling as soon as i asked him about the post and laughed at me being concerned for his safety, since aisling is an abuser. 

his message to aisling read exactly: “HE THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT YOU” which was making fun of how i didn’t pick up on the fact it wasn’t when he lied to me. 

how was i supposed to know who it was about in the first place when he constantly lied to me all the time, making me doubt my perception of right and wrong by telling me his “qpp” was abusing him, then lied about her being abusive. i thought this was true because she has abused someone in the past and i trusted sonia to be honest, i never doubted him until then

after finding out he lied. the post was actually about a character he was jealous over 

context of the whole aisling situation

(aisling admitting that she’s an abuser.) ^^^

this is aisling admitting that she was abusive to someone in the past. which is why i was so worried for sonia when he told me she was abusing him. when she wasn’t.

(this is also why i was upset when they were excluding me out in posts together, because he told me she was treating him awfully and i was confused why they were constantly tagging eachother in PDA posts and purposefully leaving me out when he told me she was being abusive yet still dating. i had every right to be upset! for months sonia gas-lighted me into thinking i was the one wrong for being upset over being lied to.

(this is what aisling/saiorse did to her victim for context, which is why i was so worried for sonia because he told me she was abusing him, but lied to me about being abused in the first place.) 

he told me constantly about how he annoyed her and how he made her feel upset which really messed with me, and part of the reason why i was so annoyed at him for making me feel LEFT OUT of the whole “Iz Gang.” 

he was telling people that she was abusive. there was no communication at all.

after being excluded for a while, seeing those posts being made with said abuser, makes you really doubt if you were ever important to any of them after being lied to. i was real cautious of her and extremely paranoid of aisling hurting him after i found out she abused someone in the past! after seeing them all post about each other in an affectionate way, it really messed me up after being manipulated continuously, when he told me that she was abusing him.

to conclude.

i never said that he couldn’t be angry at me because i was abusive, he has every right to be angry! it’s not my place to say how he should feel. i apologize if anything i said to him came off that way, it wasn’t my intention.

 i never said he was abusive for being angry. i said his actions are abusive (the constant death threat’s that he sent to me over rabbit, vent and tumblr.) make his behavior abusive, not an abuser. 

i understand i was guilt trippy and it was selfish of me to vent without permission. i take responsibility for this and i regret what i did sincerely. 

i know that part of his callout is true (aspects of me being guilt-trippy is quite clear and i know what i did was wrong!) however it leaves out a lot of context. since he’s painting himself in a good light and using me as a scapegoat to put the blame on. a lot of things that he is saying about me is frankly not true at all. you can chose to not believe me but i’m not going to let what he did to me be disregarded as he abused me for months. to start off i’m going to be explaining everything in detail about things that HE did to me behind everyone’s back since he wants to remain innocent by not admitting things he did wrong despite the fact he abused me for months and harassed me endlessly for his selfish benefit.

let’s start off with some of the things that he did and said to me during the entire drama behind that was disregarded. 

i’m going to be talking about how he gas-lighted me, abused me and how he lied about everything to twist the drama into his own words to make me look bad.

so after a few days his callout was posted he started to harass me over the only social media i hadn’t blocked him on, which was rabbit. around the time i never acknowledged this and decided to ignored it.  i didn’t want to let it bother me before he decided to message me again with another longer paragraph.

this was just after he sent me his previous death threat describing in detail how he would “frame my suicide.” (since at the time i was extremely paranoid and delusional, and very suicidal when the drama was going on, but never told anyone about it.) how much he wants to kill me, and how he wants me to die. 

these messages caused me severe paranoia, and left me unable to sleep and i was in a constant state of anxiety and couldn’t function because of him. he knows that i am delusional, and can get unstable very quickly, so he decided to mess with that for his entertainment. it is extremely easy to abuse people with psychotic disorders and it’s terrible on his part he did this willingly just for “fun” 

despite the fact i confronted him on rabbit. the death threats still continued regardless if i blocked him or not. he was that desperate to get a reaction out of me and started posting about how much he wanted to “kill.” me and how he drew “gore.” of me over his vent. 

even after i apologized he continued to threaten me: 

the next thing sonia posts about is how i “never apologized to him.” to make me look worse than i already appear, when in fact i have sincerely apologized to him three times as he asked. 

he constantly portrays me out as a bad person when i have apologised, countless times. that have no meaning anymore.

he constantly wished death upon me and was still actively set out on trying to get revenge on me for the mistakes i did. i understand i was extremely emotionally draining, but i never set out to do anything bad to him after he called me out. even before all of this he was the one that was actively trying to hurt me, and confessed he did all of this to see how i’d react. not because he claims it to be “justified.” 

he went out of his way to ask people for idea’s on how he could “ruin.” my life as an act of revenge even using people to do his work for him. 

he genuinely wanted to abuse me out of spite and get “revenge” for the way i treated him. which is understandable coming from intrusive thoughts that make you want to do something bad to those did you wrong, but going out of your way to purposefully act upon them and abuse someone because you want to see how they react and won’t stop until they’re dead is too far. during this time he had leaked my address, location, phone number, selfies and my voice from private skype calls. this was all irrelevant and unnecessary information that had nothing to do with drama. he simply did it for fun to ruin my reputation and to hurt me severely just because he can.

threatening to send people after me.

he went out of his way to threaten to send people that he knows, who knows me and have met me physically, to go to my house to beat me up, as he has my address, which he has posted in his public discord, and has sent pictures of my house from google images to strangers. 

during this entire drama that was going down, i wasn’t doing anything else to actively harm him in any way shape or form, i was keeping quiet as i felt too afraid to speak up for myself around that time due to him denying every bad thing that he has ever done, and remaining innocent. 

i know that i was emotionally abusive to him, but that doesn’t give him an excuses to treat me with the same behaviour and to “try to get revenge.” on me due to how i treated him, it’s not justified as i sincerely feel bad for being emotionally abusive back then, i was awful, but none of this gives him a right to go out of his way to abuse me back, with illegal actions.

secondly, he was in a rabbit stream full of people that i didn’t know, and it was a stream dedicated in “pranking.” me by sending me fake food delivers to my house, using my address several times, and he dismissed it as “we were having fun.” despite the serious and damaging effects he was causing, and how much trouble he was getting me in by my parents, and how dangerous it is outing my address online to a bunch of people i don’t know. 

thirdly, he was so caught up in his idea of revenge, and obsessed with wanting to hurt me he paired up with my abuser (for context: jesse. who is 20 years old and has been stalking me for over three years now, emotionally abusing me.) in an attempt to get one of my irl ex-friend (context: lily. a girl i used to be friends with that sonia threatened to send after me to hurt me.) to start a fake friendship with me. to send me a computer virus through a game, so that sonia could obsessively, keep tabs on me, by looking through my files and camera, and mic. which is really, extremely creepy, and left me living in complete fear, and anxiety for the rest of my life.

he also is EXTREMELY hypocritical about “crytyping jokes.” as in this screenshot he was making fun of my typing whereas in the screenshot below, he cover’s this up by saying he knows the difference between “cry-typing” and shakey hands. 

i have genuine shakiness whenever i am unstable, i am never intending to be guilt trippy on purpose. making fun of this is incredibly ableist towards folks who deal with poor motor skills and shakiness yet this is him trying to cover it up in a conversation between his boyfriend really deconstructs the truth of everything. 

(this is a screen-shot taken from a chat between him and his former girlfriend / qpp aisling who is an abuser.) 

i’m allowed to call him out on his actions when he’s wrong. it doesn’t excuse him for trying to send me death threats over and over and saying he wouldn’t stop till i’m “dead.” just because believes its fun to “carelessly see what they say in response” = he never cared about what i “did” to him truly. in reality everything he did was intentional for his own selfish benefit so he could paint himself as the better person and avoid getting in trouble, he always denied whnever someone brought him up on his awful behaviour. 

he abused me for month’s and harassed me constantly by sending people after me endlessly. he used callouts to his advantage to paint me out as a bad person while he gets the upper-hand to ruin my life. manipulating people to do his work, constantly sending deliverers to my house several times in one day and outed my address in a public group discord chat. he and his boyfriend both called my phone number quite a few times from what i re-call and left nasty voice mails and even threats over mobile. 

“anyways wander deserves to choke and die and id kill him with my own two hands if i could and youre a fucking idiot fool if you really think hes a good person.” 

no matter who it was he would constantly comment on peoples posts that were about me and would act really violent, aggressive and even would threaten to “kill” me insulting people who weren’t on “his side” just because they were friends with me. 

he constantly went out of his way to contact me deliberately to send me threatening and toxic messages such as these over and over. and whenever he didn’t have the option to message me, he would harass me by other ways.

this went on for quite a while, and whenever i had a new blog he would be the first to harass me, because of how much he was stalking me he somehow knew whenever i remade he was always the first to find out.

these are both screenshots of him and spencer (his boyfriend) both stalking my blog consistently going through 100′s of my pages for a few hours and daily. this went on for a few weeks and even lasted a couple of months.

secondly, he posted a rape threat on his vent blog that was directed to me.

sonia is awfully hypocritical about everything. he calls me out for accidentally using a slur by mistake. (i never even knew was a word in the first place!) and he demonises me for it and uses me as a scapegoat to make me look bad entirely in extremely hostile and aggressive ways. the next minute someone tried to even bring up his faults and his mistakes he gets very defensive and even insults them for telling him what he did wrong. he doesn’t take criticsim lightly when it’s about himself yet he goes out of his way to willingly ruin a kid’s life for making a mistake on accident. 

“haha im totally gonna tell off this trans gay kid for accidentally using a bad term rather than nicely tell them its bad” 

that’s funny considering how he dehumanised me and attacked me constantly for accidentally messing up and saying a slur i never knew was a slur. i never even used it against anyone at all. extremely hypocritical. 

“you know being a nice person gets you way further in life than being aggresive.” 

this is funny coming from someone pretending to be a good person because he said “being a nice person gets you further in life than being aggressive” when he has has sent me extremely long paragraphs of death threats and descriptive messages telling me how he would kill me and how he wants me dead.  instead of never trying to talk it out “calmly” 

“why does everyone on this site have to be so immature” i wonder why. you call it immature when someone brings up your mistakes and you lash out claiming you never did anything wrong and you want to be treated with respect yet you don’t treat anyone kindly at all. 

“your right thats my mistake. but you don’t have to be rude” 

i’ve made similar mistakes yet he called me out on it despite never telling me it was a bad word to say in the first place. he chose to lash out at me instead of calmly telling me it was wrong. yet someone brings up his actions and he gets extremely defensive and hypocritical.

(for context. theo is my ex boyfriend who was abusive) sonia sent this to him seeing it as another opportunity to send me threats and messages through another way as he’d do anything to get a reaction out of me and to hurt me despite the fact i had him blocked on everything. (context: theo is extremely racist / anti-black and abusive. (i’ve called him out on that here:) 

“for the record when he says my ex harassed me he is literally talking about the fact my best friend sent him the link to a stupid video i made on youtube ”

it can be seen here that he’s trying to make himself appear innocent by saying his “friend” sent me a harmless video and didn’t do anything else to me. basically ignoring the fact they have been harassing me directly through my phone number as well as the multiple threats he sent me over rabbit as well as tumblr. he denies that he ever did anything wrong by treating it lightly as some big joke so he can get away with it and never admits when he’s in the wrong. not to mention he says he didn’t send it but his “friend” did. and then says they both sent it to me.

in regard’s to this screenshot my ex-boyfriend theo was confronting sonia about outing my selfies. here sonia claim’s that i “sent him pictures while we were  dating.” when in fact this isn’t true at all. 

i never sent him anything of mine while we were dating. it was proven that sonia had leaked my photo stream and started saving rather old selfies from three year’s ago and outed them. sonia constantly avoids the issue by claiming “he never did anything wrong” and blames me for it. then he responds with: 

whenever sonia is confronted about his behaviour, he acts as if he hasn’t done anything remotely bad or awful to me, which is funny considering the amount of screenshots and threats i have. he always acts as if he’s innocent so he can get away with anything he wants to. 

“you should just give up now.”

sonia quickly tries to avoid the fact he knows he’s in the wrong about this and would drop the subject as soon as possible instead of talking about it. claiming he hasn’t done anything wrong when in fact he has done a lot. telling him to just “give up” instead of reaching any further really proves that he would rather avoid admitting what he’s done wrong, then confess to them. abusers always go any length of seeming “innocent” 

no matter how “confident” he sounds there ain’t solid facts behind his claims. he’s simplifying complex issues to the point where it looks like anyone could resolve it and acts as if everyone is “stupid” for not figuring it out and doing what he wants. he is not promoting solutions by demanding that others go out of their way to attack me to promote himself as “superior” than everyone else for not knowing what happened. it’s absolutely out of place and not helpful at all.

no matter how many times i apologised, he’d always suicide-bait me over vent, the only place where i used to feel comfortable to “vent” out my emotions when i was feeling unsafe. 

he constantly got defensive if anyone tried to acknowledge the reality of the situation and encouraged him to work towards actual solutions. since he’s only saying that he’s “innocent” and that he “never did anything wrong” when he spent all of his energy to “sabotage” my life and to hurt me. everyone who was used by him either attacked me for the purpose of being approved and to feel “accepted.” 

one of my friends who recently cut him off because of his toxic mindset for wanting “revenge.” got an extremely aggressive message from his boyfriend, just because she left them both after realizing she was being used just to spy on me whenever it was something to do with me being involved. 

she didn’t want to be apart of his drama anymore, and after she left he attacked her for no absolute reason. it wasn’t her fault, she was influenced negatively to be on his side because of how much he was manipulating her to do what he wanted, which is really selfish! he wanted to hurt me but didn’t actually care about his “friend” which he often called them his ‘”spies” and didn’t treat them like actual human beings. 

just because people are tempted to take part in his “superiority club” it was only a matter of time before he would depict you as mindless once you realize he was manipulating you to do what he wanted and insult you constantly for getting out of it. 

he refuses to explain to anon that was wondering about what i did to him, however he posts about it daily for everyone to see. he made it everyone’s business by making a public callout on tumblr which isn’t a very good go-to-solution when it could of been talked out privately. if you’re going to call someone out, you’re making it public, therefore it isn’t secretive anymore, you chose to make it public when it could of been resolved privately.

edit: recently he added me into a group chat with a bunch of his friends to accuse me of things without any reason to. i tried my best to remain calm and to answer any questions they had, i was willing and cooperative, however it wasn’t a safe environment at all. 

coming to a conclusion of this post. i’ve made a lot of mistakes in the relationship and i genuinely feel remorseful for everything that has happened. i’m currently trying my best to unlearn these unhealthy habits and have been working on beco i’m going to make sure of it for the future. 

i hope this all makes sense to whoever is reading, i explained everything the best i could! i don’t want anyone to think i’m making myself the victim, because im not! all i’m doing is, simply expressing my side of the story as well as sharing light on both sides since it was taken too far. with that i mean, he outed my private address, location, my phone number, sent pictures of my house (from google maps) to his public discord full of strangers (some were adults.) 

he has also threatened to send people to where i live to deliberately hurt me physically. (he knows someone that i used to be friends with in real life.) which was lily, someone that he used to manipulate me by thinking she was my friend so she could spy on me and also tried to get her to send a virus on my computer to access my private files, camera and webcam. 

i wanted to provide some insight into the situation, as sonia (peepers) also did terrible things that i didn’t want to be left in the dark. (which has left me quite traumatized.) this took me quite some time to write up i apologize for the lengthy paragraphs, it’d take me forever to explain in a short summary.

sonia isn’t an innocent person (neither am i) but my abusive behavior doesn’t cancel out what he did to me. i might of hurt him and made mistakes, but he did too and i believe the stuff he’s done deserve to be acknowledged.

note: it’s been a whole two years since this has happened. if you’re reading this, please stop being immature by sending your friends after me to try and get any “receipts.” on me, it’s been months. i don’t want anything to do with you anymore or your “spy's.”

this entire drama has costed me a lot and has put me under immense pressure and stress that has left in a state of paranoia due to the amount of threats and harassment. i wish to find some closure by posting this and putting it all behind me respectfully.