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bucktommy. 2.4k. tags: dementia, love, memories, emotional hurt/comfort. read below or on ao3.
“Hey! Remember me?”
“Hm. You look familiar.”
“Do you know my name?”
“I don’t… I don’t think so.”
“Take a guess. Any guess will do.”
“Uh, I- Ian? It’s Ian, right?”
Ian smiled, standing a bit straighter. “Right. And you are?”
“I, um, it’s… it’s Tom!” his face lit up as it came to him. “Tom, right?”
“It is. You used to go by Tommy though. You want me to call you Tom instead?”
“Tommy.” He said carefully, as if contemplating the word. After a few seconds, he shook his head. “I like Tommy. Tommy’s good.”
“Tommy it is.” Ian stepped closer to Tommy’s bed, turning a photo album around to show him. “I brought something for us to look at today, if you want.”
“Pictures?”
“Mhm. Lots of pictures.”
“I like pictures.”
“I know you do.” Ian pulled a chair up beside the bed, setting the album down on Tommy’s lap. “I thought I’d tell you a story with the pictures. That sound good?”
“Sounds great. TV’s boring. Rams lost.”
“That sucks.”
“The Rams suck.”
Ian laughed. “So I’ve heard.” He reached over and opened the album to the first page. “Story time?”
“Go for it.”
“Okay. See this picture here?” Ian pointed to the first one at the top of the page.
“Mhm. Who are they?”
“The one on the left is Eddie. Beside him is Chimney. Next is Hen. Then there’s Buck-”
“Weird names,” Tommy mumbled under his breath.
“-and after Buck is, well, Tommy.”
Tommy glanced up at Ian. “Like me?”
Ian nodded. “Just like you.”
“And what were they doing here?”
“This picture was taken on a boat, after a big rescue. These guys here, they were all firefighters. They worked together to bring their captain and his wife home safe.”
“What was wrong with them?”
“Well, their captain and his wife had gone on a cruise, and there was a hurricane. The ship capsized and they needed help to survive. This guy here,” Ian pointed to Tommy, “he flew a helicopter through the hurricane to save them.”
“Ordinary helicopters can’t fly through a hurricane due to the dangerous wind conditions,” Tommy replied. “Unless it was a specialized research or military aircraft, he most likely flew through the outskirts of the hurricane.”
Ian smiled, nodding his head. “You’re probably right. Anyway, this picture was taken after the rescue, once everyone was safe and sound.”
Tommy looked over the picture. “All of these people worked together?”
“Tommy didn’t work with the rest of them all the time. He had worked with these two before,” Ian explained, pointing to Hen and Chimney. “But he left before the other two joined the station.”
“Mm. So he’s not a big part of this story then?”
“On the contrary,” Ian replied. “He’s the main character.”
Tommy’s eyebrows rose in interest. “Really?”
“Really. See the guy right beside Tommy?”
“Yeah. Uh- Duck, right?”
“Buck.”
“Buck! Yeah, Buck.”
“Buck and Tommy end up going on a very exciting, very long adventure.” Ian flipped the page to a photo of Buck and Tommy sitting beside each other at a restaurant. Both were smiling. Tommy was looking at the camera, while Buck was looking at Tommy.
“After the rescue, Buck became a little interested in Tommy. And by “a little” I mean he went temporarily insane.”
Tommy laughed. “Sounds interesting.”
“Oh, it was. See, Buck didn’t realize he even liked men. But all he could think about was Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. It killed him to see Tommy be close to other people, and he didn’t really know what was going on or why he was acting so crazy.”
“How’d he figure it out?”
“Tommy came to his place to talk to him and reassure him that he wasn’t trying to step on anyone’s toes. Buck just kept rambling and rambling on and on until Tommy kissed him.”
Tommy eyed the photo closely. “Bold move.”
“He’s a bold man.”
“When was this picture taken?” Tommy asked.
“That was taken on their first date do over. Apparently their real first date didn’t go so great, but this one… well, I was told this one was very successful.”
The next page had Tommy’s eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What’s this?”
“This is called coping.”
“Coping?”
“Buck and Tommy broke up after six months of dating, and Buck did not take it well. He put all his energy into baking. Every time he thought about Tommy, he would bake something new. Then he’d take a picture of his creation.”
“There’s a lot of food here.”
“He thought about Tommy a lot.”
“What’d this Tommy do?” Tommy asked. “After they broke up.”
“From what I was told, he bought a MINI Cooper and spent all of his free time restoring it.”
Tommy flipped to the next page, looking at a picture of Tommy sitting in a wheelchair with a little girl on his lap. “He doesn’t look like a MINI Cooper guy.”
Ian laughed. “He wasn’t one. Sold the thing as soon as he finished it.”
“They’re difficult cars to repair,” Tommy said. “They have a very cramped engine bay. If you’re not invested in the vehicle it’s like a form of self punishment to even bother with it.”
“Really?” Ian questioned. “I don’t know much about cars.”
“Mhm. He must’ve missed Buck too.”
“Probably a safe assumption.”
Tommy pointed to the girl in the picture. “Is this his kid?”
“No, that’s Buck’s niece.”
Tommy looked over at Ian. “He’s in a wheelchair?”
“Yeah.” Ian nodded. “That was after the accident.”
“What accident?”
“Well, Tommy was a pilot and he flew into dangerous situations all the time. A little over a year after he and Buck broke up, Buck was at work when it came over the radio that a helicopter had crashed on the freeway. A totally random, but extreme, burst of wind caused Tommy to lose control and he crashed. He managed to land in a way that saved everyone on board, but he beared the brunt of the injuries.”
“Was he in the wheelchair forever after that?”
Ian shook his head. “No. It was a long recovery though. He had to learn how to walk again. It’s actually what brought him and Buck back together.”
“Is it?” Tommy questioned.
“It is. Buck was listed as Tommy’s emergency contact. He didn’t even know it until they’d gotten Tommy to the hospital. It was touch and go for a couple weeks, but Buck stayed right beside him. Once he woke up, Buck took a leave of absence from work to focus on Tommy's recovery. Plus, Buck’s place was wheelchair friendly, and Tommy’s wasn’t, so Tommy was moved into Buck’s place while he was still in the hospital.”
“Oh… Yikes.”
“Yeah,” Ian agreed. “Big yikes. There was a lot of adjusting. Tommy was upset about his injuries and the long recovery. Buck was a bit overbearing and obsessive about making sure Tommy was okay. But, somehow, in the midst of some of the biggest and brattiest arguments anyone has ever seen, they fell in love. Once Tommy recovered, he packed up the rest of his place, sold his house, and moved in with Buck for good.”
Ian moved to the next page. There were four pictures, all taken the same day, of Buck and Tommy both dressed up. In one they were kissing, in another they were walking hand in hand. On the opposite page, Tommy appeared to be in the middle of a dance move, his eyes closed and hands up in the air, with Buck laughing behind him. In the last picture, they were staring into each other’s eyes, slow dancing.
“They got married?” Tommy asked, eyes transfixed on the photos.
“They got married,” Ian confirmed. “These pictures were actually taken two days after their wedding. Their actual wedding day was a bit of a mess, so family and friends helped out by throwing together a little reception a couple days later.”
“They look happy,” he said, hand brushing over their faces.
“The happiest day of their lives.”
"Did they ever have kids?"
"No. They thought about it for a bit, but they were both so career-oriented that they knew it wouldn't be fair to them or their kids. They were happy being the cool uncles."
They flipped through a few more pages, until it landed on an older version of the men. Tommy was sitting in a rocking chair and Buck was on his lap. Tommy had his arms around Buck’s waist, holding onto him tight, while Buck had his arms thrown around Tommy’s neck. They were both laughing, eyes scrunched up tight.
“When was this?”
“This was the day Tommy retired. He said he wanted them to be two old men who sit on rocking chairs and complain about the neighborhood kids being too damn loud.”
“Kids are too damn loud,” Tommy agreed.
Ian laughed. “Well, Buck didn’t end up retiring until a few years later, and their big plans to be home together day after day lasted all of two weeks before they were ready to rip each other’s heads off.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Turns out Buck was not so great at the retirement thing. He went back to work part-time as an instructor at the fire academy. While the marriage was never in any real peril, it did prevent them from being beheaded.”
“That’s good. Too much mess with beheadings,” Tommy deadpanned. “And harder than you’d think. Not worth the effort.”
“I very much agree.”
Tommy flipped to the last page. It was a picture of the two of them seated beside each other at the same restaurant, same table, as their first picture together as a couple. They were much older now. Gray hair, wrinkles mapping out their faces, skin thinner than it was before. They were still smiling brightly, although there was a sadness in their expressions that Tommy couldn’t quite place.
“Revisiting old memories?” he asked.
Ian nodded, staring down at the picture. “They were both getting older. Tommy got some news that he knew would impact both of them, so he planned the trip. They went to every place they’d frequented throughout their lives together.”
There was a beat of silence, Ian wasn't exactly sure how long. Then Tommy curled a finger under his chin, lifting Ian's head to look him in the eyes. “You’re sad.” It wasn’t a question.
Ian tried for a smile. “I just miss them sometimes.”
“They died?”
Ian shook his head. “No, they- they’re alive. They’re just not here anymore.”
“Well,” Tommy spoke through a yawn, his hand dropping down onto the bed, “maybe they'll visit one day.”
“Yeah,” Ian agreed. “Maybe.” He closed the photo album and took it off of Tommy’s lap. “You get some rest, okay? You look tired.”
Tommy nodded, blinking heavily. “Okay.”
Ian watched as Tommy’s eyes fell closed. He went to open the album back up when Tommy cleared his throat. “Hey, Ian?”
“Yeah?”
“Buck?” he frowned. “Is that his real name?”
Ian grinned at him. “His first name is Evan.”
“Evan,” Tommy tried, the name rolling off his tongue. “That’s a good name. I like it better.”
“Yeah,” Ian’s smile widened. He took Tommy’s hand in his. “I like it too.”
Another yawn, this one bigger than the last. “Those two,” Tommy said, fighting to keep his eyes open. “They’ve had a good life, haven’t they?”
“Oh.” Ian squeezed Tommy’s hand. “I know neither of them would change it for the world.”
It didn’t take long for Tommy to fall asleep after that. The silence of the room felt both unbearably heavy and somehow peaceful at the same time.
“How are you doing, Mr. Buckley-Kinard?”
Pulled out of his thoughts, Buck’s head jerked towards the doorway, where Tommy’s favorite nurse was standing.
“Just Buck is fine, Justine,” he whispered, standing to walk over to her. “I’m…” he let out a shaky breath. “It’s been a lot. More than I expected.”
“It’s an adjustment,” Justine replied. “Give yourself time.”
“It’s just… it’s different everyday, you know? Sometimes, it- he’s still there, but it’s so brief. Then he’s gone again.”
“I know.” Justine placed a sympathetic hand on Buck’s back. “Your pictures helped a lot today. I passed by a few times and I could hear him ask a lot of questions. That’s good.”
“Thirty years of memories.” Buck wrapped the photo album up tightly in his arms. He leaned against the wall, staring over at Tommy. “I failed him.”
“You absolutely did not.”
“I did. I- when we got a diagnosis, I promised him that I’d take care of him.”
“You are taking care of him.”
“No. You’re taking care of him, along with a dozen other nurses and caregivers. I’m just… I’m just here.”
“Buck, you’re taking care of him by allowing him to get the help he needs. That way you’re able to be with him without having to worry about all the little things. That’s so much more important right now.”
Resigned, Buck nodded, wiping a tear from his cheek. “I think I’m overly tired. I’m not used to having a bed to myself anymore. It’s hard to fall asleep.”
“Why don’t I get the rollaway?” Justine suggested. “We can put it close to Tommy’s bed. Stay the night.”
“I don’t want to be in the way.”
“We have the rollaway for a reason, Buck. Tommy’s still sleeping well through the night. Maybe in the morning you can show him the pictures again?”
Buck held out the album, staring at the photo on the front cover. It was him and Tommy, the day of their wedding. They were in their turnouts, soaking wet. Tommy was holding Buck’s face with his gloved hands, both of them laughing as they kissed. A rare, major hurricane hit directly into LA the day of their ceremony. They had to call off the wedding and get to work. By a stroke of luck, they’d both been sent out on the same call. When everyone was out of danger, they’d found each other. One look in Chimney’s direction, and a nod in agreement, had them having a wedding in the middle of a Ralph’s parking lot, surrounded by firefighters from both of their stations.
It was nothing like the wedding they’d planned.
It was perfect.
A promise of forever. However long that may be.
“I’ll stay,” Buck decided. “I want to be with him for as long as I can.”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is LIVE right now
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
His mother blinked slowly. "I never should have answered the phone."
That didn't make sense, because their phone had been ringing off the hook all week and his mother was always the one to answer.
"I knew it was going to be bad," she said softly, slowly, almost like she was talking in her sleep. "I had the most horrible feeling in my gut when the phone rang. I've felt it before—I knew what it was. I should've just let the answering machine take it. I never should have picked up."
More than two decades later, when Buck's phone starts vibrating as he's ruining the lamination of another batch of would-be croissants, he understands what his mother meant that day.
Every atom in his body is straining toward the phone, but he can't unlock his hands from the death grip they have on the rolling pin in order to reach for it.
Incoming call: T. Kinard
Thank you to everyone who tagged me in writing games, sent me messages, cheered me on, and cursed me out while I was working on this. I couldn't have finished it without you!
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Tagging folks who expressed some variation of "I can't wait to read this" on more than one occasion: