Random Fandom Blog

Transformers fic. Transformers fic. BG3 fic. BG3 fic. Jon Kent and Damien Wayne fic?? Transformers fic. Heated rivalry fic. Heated rivalry fic.

I’m still so surprised that I actually finished that Jon and Damien fic. I don’t even know those characters that well. Frankly they’re not even in my top twenty favourite fictional characters.

I think I was purely charmed by aged up Damien and Jon dating just being golden retriever and black cat.

Like the only reason I felt compelled to write a fic with them both was because of those cliche.

And even then it’s barely about them. It’s mostly about a random OC I’m not even attached to.

Even more frankly I wrote it cause I like Batman brave and the bold, I love the Music Meister and somehow I tonight of making a soup of random canons into a single episodic fic.

It’s young justice, meets Batman brave and the bold cartoon and super sons but they’re young adults now.

And my oc only exists as a plot device.

I mean I guess she was made to sorta explore my enjoyment of normies in a super hero world.

But yeah I just like black cat and golden retriever boyfriends. Opposites attract.

Honestly I really thought I’d just make transformers fics. BG3 happened because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the characters and I did an Astarion run with Gale so I had a lot of head cannons as to what life was like after for those two.

And heated rivalry happened because oh my gosh it sunk its teeth into me like disco elysium and BG3

Frankly I’m a bit surprised I haven’t written a disco elysium fic. But I haven’t had any ideas. I did make a Kim Kitsuragi cosplay though soooooo the obsession physically manifested.

Like yeah the no kids and not even a dog line was a bit too cold for my taste but someone has to do it. Someone has to go.

Because at a certain point, when it’s one person vs billions, I’m choosing the billions and crying about how cruel and unfair the situation is. The trolley problem is inherently tragic because at a certain point, you pulling the trigger has to be done. And I couldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that because I didn’t go, billions of people will die due to the delay.

So I think the situation is horribly unfair and tragic, but like I’m not seeing a good and evil binary here. I’m just seeing tragedy.

They said goodbye but Grace stays with Rocky in the end.

Also from Grace’s perspective he won’t have to watch Rocky grow old and die at least?? I dunno.

Not that they’d still be together. I’m totally fine with Adrian being self centred he’s an actor after all. But honestly I head cannon Adrian as just, ready to come out with Troy not being ready. And so he left.

Like I know that’s treading ground that Scott and Kip already did but they got together. Scott came out so he could be with Kip. I think it’s then fair for Adrian to leave Troy and move on.

Like I’m even fine with Adrian meeting his future fiance, and seeing a future with him and not Troy, thus breaking up with Troy. Like it’s still not a great thing to do but I prefer it over Adrian cheated on Troy.

Like I guess the cheating adds to Troy’s shit month but i personally prefer the tragedy and the lingering what if Troy is left with if Adrian left him for someone who’d help him come out. Which I mean he did I guess canonically it’s just there was more overlap with the time so it can only be assumed that Adrian cheated on Troy.

I dunno. I we obviously never hear about Adrian’s perspective of the whole thing. But even though I want to go, oh maybe he knew it was wrong but kept it a secret until he decided who to pick and then he broke up with Troy which is still shitty but honestly if the straight people can have love triangles where they’re basically cheating on each other so can the gays. But even if that was the case, the way Adrian broke up with Troy like over FaceTime where he said they were never in love and that they were only together cause it was easy. And then announced his engagement four days after that.

So like this ain’t some Adrian did nothing wrong post. He did plenty wrong. Maybe this is a the closet makes people do crazy things and that Adrian is not pure evil incarnate and must be punished for his crimes post. What he did was wrong and he really hurt Troy. But Troy also threw around homophobia and misogyny to pretend he was straight and bullied Ryan Price.

That is to say, if Troy can be redeemed, why not Adrian? Well mainly cause we will never get to know Adrian’s reasonings. He will forever be a bad footnote in Troy’s story and people’s fanfictions. Which once again I’m emphasizing that I understand. Given what is told in the book, Adrian is most likely just a character that’s meant to be a shitty asshole ex to hate on. And like yeah I understand not everyone needs some villain redemption story or whatever but I dunno, I guess I want everyone to have a villain redemption story! Sue me!

My head cannon is that yes Adrian did do all those shitty things to Troy but I think Adrian did love Troy but felt more loved by Justin Green who made him feel safe to come out. While he liked Troy, he couldn’t see a future with the two of them. I think even in my headcannon I do think Adrian cheated on Troy. They were long distance and closeted and I think i remember reading somewhere in the book about Troy realizing since they kept their relationship a secret, it was built on secrets and thus Adrian kept things from Troy. So I don’t think Adrian cheating on Troy is good at all. But in my headcannon, Adrian in his perspective is in a love triangle and when Justin Green proposes to him, he’s basically been given an ultimatum and he chooses Justin over Troy. And while he’s been putting it off for ten months, Adrian finally breaks up with Troy over FaceTime. He probably still says the mean things over that call but ultimately, I like Adrian as a more complex character than shallow actor cheated on Troy.

I think Adrian can be a reflection of Troy and an exploration of the inherent tragedy of the closet.

But anyways I am personally team Luca dates whoever is in the centaur’s mascot costume that’s like a beaver or whatever.

Mainly cause the game changer books introduce characters in the next book in previous books and I thought it was interesting as to how the guy in the mascot suit was talked about during Role Model.

So I think there’s a hockey super fan inside that mascot costume and dates hockey super fan Luca and they have a unremarkable romance because I do think Rachel is right and there’s not much interest to Luca to really form a full book that doesn’t feel like it’s treading on ground the past books already covered.

Like in this situation, if the mascot is a hockey super fan, they’re basically just younger Harris in a funnier job.

I’ve seen some fics where Luca is dating another hockey player in the background and it just feels like Shane and Ilya again and I don’t think the fic being about Luca only would be necessarily interesting.

Also I do think it’s funny how Rachel acknowledged that there’d probably be too many gay people on the centaurs but also Luca is basically gay in my eyes. But yeah, I feel it in the fics, I personally agree with Rachel because I’m not exactly looking for Luca Haas fics where he falls in love.

One thing I remember her saying on her blog was she also didn’t want to have another hockey person falls in love with the first man they get with in their twenties. I mean I do think it’d be funny reading a series of short stories where Luca struggles to date lol.

Anyways. Here’s what I predict reality will be like cause as much as I love fiction it is just that. Sometimes reality is better than fiction so who knows? Maybe there is a possibility for on ice kissing and coming out but I doubt it.

Ok my first prediction is kinda lame but I think the first out NHL hockey player will just be like Luke Prokop playing on the team he’s like signed with or something? I don’t know much about hockey. Anyways I hear he’s a good hockey player but random person on Reddit says he’s unlikely to make it to NHL unless he gets a bit better. But either way, maybe he does make it and then hooray! First openly gay NHL player! I will celebrate that if that happens and I think it’s perfectly and beautifully mundane. He’s been living openly gay for a few years now and I’d be happy for him to be the first. Someone who made it to the NHL while being openly gay. I think it shows a message of you don’t have to be hiding in the closet so you can make it there.

My other prediction is some retired NHL hockey player comes out. I haven’t done much googling but according to reddit there are no out NHL players period. Past and present. Honestly I can’t really imagine this happening as they probably want privacy if they are living as a gay or maybe they’re closeted to the end which if so, incredibly sad but I understand, I saw a reddit post lol Reddit again that provided an anecdotal example of how homophobia is so deeply engrained into hockey culture and how hockey players socialize with other hockey players and how when they came out, this person lost a significant portion of their friends. It’s sad that even after they’re out of the public eye, there’s still a social pressure to stay closeted.

Another prediction I have is now that heated rivalry has come out, maybe it’ll make some up and coming where hockey player who’s like a preteen or whatever to stick with hockey because they know that people can be gay and play hockey. Maybe growing up having something, even if it’s fictional, to point to will help them be more open and then it’s like a Luke Prokop situation where one of these people just needs to make it to the NHL and their queerness will simply just be a part of who they are.

Like at this point as much as I’d love for a dramatic boyfriend reveal on ice or whatever, that’s just a fantasy. I think the reality I desire requires deep systemic change that isn’t here yet. Seeing the way the US is, and how I was at a hockey pride event, behind the scenes, I got to hear firsthand from an NHL employee how hard they had to fight for pride nights. I don’t think we’re getting real like Shane Hollander anytime soon.

But a girl can dream. And that goes for everything professional sports with a lack of queer representation.

Anyways more prediction!

I think the first out NHL player will be mostly unremarkable hockey skill wise. I think they’ll simply just be good at hockey cause they made it to the NHL. I don’t think we’re going to get someone at the Shane Hollander level.

I think the first out NHL player will be accused of coming out for publicity and attention.

I think the first out NHL player will emphasize that they want to be judged by their hockey skills and not their preferences.

I think the first out NHL player won’t be much of an activist.

I think the first out NHL player will probably use respectability politics and rhetoric to survive the culture.

I think the first out NHL player will either say heated rivalry inspired them or claim they haven’t watched it/think it doesn’t represent them at all/not like it. I guess I just think they’ll either love it or hate it.

I think the first out NHL player will be white.

I think the first out NHL player won’t be dating another player.

I think the first out NHL player will become more like a queer footnote rather than a full on celebrity. Maybe a gay icon or someone you see at local pride events.

I think the first out NHL player might do things like say they’re not like other gay people by saying they don’t like drag or something.

I think the first out NHL player will essentially be like a down low straight guy who’s slowly accepting himself.

I makes me sad thinking about how someone needs to be the first and no matter who they are, they will deserve better than this. Like I know some of my predictions probably read as petty and judgy especially cause I’m a very queer individual that has given up on respectability politics but I understand that in certain contexts, respectability politics can provide some levity. I don’t think the first will change everything over night. I don’t think it’s going to change the culture. But I think it’ll be such an important start. To have a queer hockey player for little queer kids who love hockey but are facing homophobia to have someone to point to. To see that yes it will be hard but you can make it. You deserve to be who you are on that level.

It honestly hurts me thinking about how sports cultures push queer people away so hard. I saw the strong bonds sports created between people and I became a bitter person who tried to act like I was above these people cause I didn’t like sports I liked niche nerdy things but that was just a defensive mechanism because I hated how people who liked sports made me feel small.

Like my parents noticed. They knew I wasn’t actually that pathetic at sports but I never bothered to try because I knew I’d rather be a sissy. People who liked sports were rough and mean and I didn’t want to be like that. And even when I tried, I’d lose and then they’d make fun of me. Might as well always lose so it’s just not really losing because I never tried in the first place.

I hope the first openly queer NHL player comes soon. I hope they don’t suffer in the closet forever. I hope they feel safe coming out one day. Even if it’s just in private to their friends.

I hope there are openly gay retired NHL players we don’t know about.

Like I hate these negative stereotypes because sometimes I’m like FUCK. I’m playing into the stereotype like why can’t I just be ace?? The world is so messed up and racist that I can’t be asexual without also having to be like but I’m not asexual in the negative Asian stereotype way that was produced in racist Chinese head tax cartoons like I just don’t want to have sex and it’s not because I’m an Asian nerd but also if I was an Asian nerd that’s okay like holy fuck I’m not making it all about race, YALL FUCKING DIDDDDD.

Like I love remembering that. I don’t remember who said it but a valid explanation for why “everything is about race” is because we HAVE to talk about race BECAUSE it’s so deeply ingrained into our history that affects us today. Race has always been a part of the discussion so “making it about race” is sorta inevitable. Like you have to talk about race when we talk about racism. And I know I’m being intentionally provocative with the examples I use and I understand why some people go “why are you making this about race” because they may not understand why because sometimes racism is so silent and perverse along with other forms of bigotry.

Like is that person glaring at me because they’re rude, because they’re homophobic, transphobic or racist? I DON’T KNOW. So all I can do is guess. Like even if the person was just rude and not a bigot and it wasn’t about all that, the fact that I had to go through the list of things to worry about is shitty. It goes beyond the individual potentially bigoted person, the fact that people have to play that guessing game is a flaw in it of itself.

So I’ve seen like I think 1 fic of Shane crashing out on Hayden and I was kinda into it before Hayden just reacted really poorly (I had missed the tag bad friend Hayden Pike) and I personally didn’t like it.

Like I do think I’m happy with how it was written in the book. Like this sorta stressed shell shocked but also like, huh, the worst thing happened, I’m stressed out of all high hells but we have each other and it’s going to be okay. Like they don’t punch Hayden, Ilya is actually the first to say it’s okay and it’s honestly how I think was a healthy way of reacting. Like be so so upset at the situation but honestly Hayden did nothing wrong.

Like not to divulge too much info but a horrible thing happened to someone I know where they accidentally caused something to happen and it’s so awful that it happened but this person didn’t do it with any intention to cause harm and frankly punishment or screaming and blaming isn’t going to reverse what happened and the person feels bad enough already.

Like I won’t say what exactly happened cause it’s not my story to share but like imagine a friend asks you to take care of something for them and through no fault of your own a bad thing happens to that something and it’s not due to your neglect at all, it’s a freak accident that could’ve happened at the friend’s place but it just happened while you were temporarily responsible for that thing.

All of this to say is accidents do happen and you can look for someone to blame and take out all your negative emotions onto them or just be upset at the situation.

Like Hayden already feels like shit, I actually wish the booked emphasized that fact a bit more. I think it’s just the nature of the book not taking place from Hayden’s perspective. I should find a fic where it’s that scene from his perspective cause I think that would be fulfilling. Anyways it’s not like he doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation. But his back was literally turned to the mirror. And he was already late to send that video so he did it in a rush. I’m sure if we got his perspective it probably involved a bunch of Hayden blaming himself and being angry with himself and crying and freaking out. And he does the right thing. He goes to Shane and Ilya and tells them what happened. He knows an apology won’t fix anything but obviously you give one in this situation.

Like don’t get me wrong, I think Shane should’ve gotten a little heated at Hayden. Like he didn’t need to scream how much he hated him or anything but at that moment he could’ve said anything he wanted to Hayden and he would’ve just taken it because he thought he was going to lose his friend over his mistake.

Like I feel Shane is a bit too quick on the draw to want to defend Hayden because he thinks Ilya will be furious. Like i understand why the Shane crashes out at Hayden fic I read was so volatile cause honestly you’d think they’d freak out over this a bit more but frankly, the anti climactic way they are outed is kinda the point of the story and I feel like it stayed true to the series’s sorta ethos of like communication, forgiveness and whatnot.

Like the explosive fight happens in fanfics because we love to read angst and all the big dramatic emotions but the Game Changers/Heated Rivalry series is so appealing to me because it’s so grounded.

Oh I just remembered another example this time personal as to why I think the way they reacted was warranted.

So when I was a teenager, a time of very emotional volatility and especially me, I got mad super easily, I was at a con and I was in a cosplay with no pockets so I had asked my friend to hold my phone for me. Anyways we’d sit down, I’d ask for my phone and then we’d get up and I’d pass my phone back to them and one time my phone just didn’t make it into my friend’s bag and we don’t realize for like an hour or so until I ask for my phone again. And I’m still so proud of myself because in that moment, I didn’t blow up and get mad at my friend. We did end up finding it but I remember being mad at the situation but also understanding that people misplace things, it’s not like my friend intentionally tried to forget my phone. And that’s sorta what it is for Shane and Ilya. Like Hayden didn’t intentionally try to out them. And when the worst case scenario does happen and for me as a teenager losing my phone was pretty up there for bad thing, it’s better to just go to figure out trying to problem solve and be upset at the situation rather than trying to figure out the blame.

So while losing a phone isn’t the same as being outed as gay and potentially losing your livelihood and passion, I feel it is realistic for Shane and Ilya to react the way they did.

Like it’s only really satisfying for us the audience to see Shane and Ilya crash out at Hayden because we’re frustrated on their behalf. In context it doesn’t make sense for them to freak out on that level.

I do wish we could’ve seen the turmoil in Hayden’s head though because I feel the desire for revenge and retribution would be lessened.

Also I think what made me feel so uncomfortable and personally not like the crash out at Hayden is because I really like transformative justice and it feels too much like retributive justice when the fic wrote for Hayden to suffer.

Like I understand the desire for revenge I just think our time is better spent preventing harm from happening or further harm from happening or minimizing harm as much as possible. And that goes both ways. Like Hayden doesn’t now deserved to be inflicted with pain because he’s made a mistake. Also he does have to face the consequences as well. I read a fic that was Hayden wanting to get out of Montreal. Because like his best friend had to leave the hockey team because of him.

Also I think Hayden’s defending of Shane was correct. Like yeah he mentioned how it’s weird cause it’s Rozanov which yeah obviously sounds bad cause the story is told from Shane’s perspective but like it IS weird because everyone thought they were rivals that hated each other. Like should he have worded it that way? No but he’s talking about how it’s unexpected and kinda throws a wrench into everyone’s perceived reality of Hollander vs Rozanov. And he also talks about how the weirdness GOES AWAY. He’s talking about how yes it’s jarring now but it’s not a big deal and now you’re all just homophobic assholes.

On the one hand I’ve been there, I am Asian and dealing with people who have white privilege is really infuriating sometimes. And I don’t like to tone police people but this fic was written with a raw emotion that I don’t want to downplay but also maybe I’m too peace love la la la, but transformative justice, forgiveness and restorative justice is super important to me and having the fic be Troy caused irreparable harm to Shane and he won’t ever receive forgiveness just leaves me feeling hm.

Like I’m all about bemoaning the cruel reality of oppressed people having to forgive and be the bigger person all the time. Like yes Shane, crash out king! But also the man clearly regrets what he has said and while regret doesn’t absolve him, blaming the individual for a systemic problem sits weird with me. But also I don’t want to tone police and the fic writer is allowed to feel this way.

And like I shouldn’t critique this fic too much cause it was made with passion but here I am not doing what I should do oopsies. But I like thinking about this stuff.

But like, when I think about the bigoted people I’ve known in my life, if they’ve genuinely changed, like I don’t need to dredge up their bad past and make them feel horrible and guilty. Like obviously this is a cycle of hurt people hurting people and in this fic, Shane lashing out at Troy is because Shane in this fic has dealt with horrible racism that Troy participated in.

And I’m obviously so biased because I love Troy and I agree with the author of the fic though that Rachel could better explore the impacts of race within the hockey world but also I give grace as she’s white and has discussed how she tries her best but she probably doesn’t want to overstep.

Anyways it’s a complicated situation, how do you be on a team with someone who hurt you but also is actively working to rectify that behaviour?

In my opinion, Shane in this fic is well within his rights to be angry and upset. But screaming at Troy like that in front of all of their teammates I dunno just sat so poorly with me. And I think it’s cause transformative justice where both sides can grow, doesn’t really occur when it’s a screaming match.

And once again I’m emphasizing that I know this was a rant fic. I read an emotional rant fic and now I’m the loser tone policing a rant fic. I know what I’m doing is irrelevant to the nature of the writing as the goal of the writing was catharsis and I think the author did a great job but also it’s publicly posted, I read it and their art is making me feel things.

Honestly this post is my own rant fic. I think what pissed me off about the fic is that Troy is clearly successfully trying. He’s apologizing and doing all that and a bag of chips and like, all the racist homophobic assholes never apologized to me. Frankly they probably don’t even know how deeply they hurt me because unfortunately whiteness normalizes that behaviour. And like Shane in this fic gets the perfect situation where he has an opportunity for healing, to grow with the person who has caused harm and to move towards something new and like they don’t need to be best friends or whatever but I could only DREAM to have an ex racist homophobic person apologize and want to make amends with me. That shit is so rare and valuable.

But also I understand that no one has to be forgiven just because you feel bad or whatever. But there has to be somewhere to go for people like that. There has to be avenues of growth and they deserve love and connection.

Like I’m a huge hater. Theres a lot of people who I hate but I still think they deserve to be happy. I hope that one way they will come around.

But I understand why some people would disagree with my worldview of forgiveness and that’s totally valid too. I’m not better than anyone just because I think transformative justice is a possibility.

Anyways, I know in the context of the fic it made sense to crash out at Troy in that way but if I was Shane in that situation, I’d probably apologize for plastering all of Troy’s past behaviours that he’s trying to make amends for to all of his current friends like that.

Like it’s good that they know I guess but like it just reminds me of when people dredge up videos of people saying slurs when they were like teenagers or whatever and it negatively impacts them today. Like no thank you, I think call outs like that are harmful as it’s punishing people who are trying to change and like yall if we want to be against the prison industrial complex, we unfortunately have to face the reality that means people we deem as unforgivable criminals as receiving better treatment.

Like I don’t believe in the death penalty. I think it’s cruel, and I think about all the innocent people who have been sentenced to death. But I understand why some people do want the death penalty and they probably think I’m bonkers for disagreeing with them.

Especially fluff ones. Ones where the hockey team is just a bunch of dumb hockey boys who are supportive and kind to each other. They joke with each other, they cry with each other, they talk about their feelings.

And like I don’t know what it’s like now but judging by the men’s American Olympic team and how they reacted to the women’s American Olympic hockey team getting their much deserved louder applause at SNL, I imagine the reality of the hockey and sports world is still not progressive.

And I was there for a tiny bit of it. I am a drag queen and I performed for an NHL team at a pride night. And like everyone treated me good but the people who helped organize and communicate with us were pretty open about how difficult it was to get drag queens at a hockey game.

At the very least they compensated us very well.

But anyways, I see a future I want in the fluff fics of heated rivalry. A positive masculinity. One where guys openly express their love for each other platonic and romantic. I get elated reading fics about planning proposals as a team, team parties, how they get all fired up to defend themselves against the homophobic teams.

But also I’m sure beyond that Shane would be mostly chill with Troy.

I think Ryan is the one who I think should have more crash out fics at Troy.

While the broad strokes of Troy and Shane are there, Shane is dating his hockey rival in secret. Troy just had to come out as gay. Shane had to come out as gay and break the illusion of what he’s been branded as for over a decade.

So yes I will eat up Shane crashes out at Troy tics but beyond Shane thinking Troy was an asshole, I don’t think he’d hate Troy forever like I’ve gotten from some fics.

I also think Troy debating asking Ilya for Shane’s number sorta illustrates that even someone who is a big self hater like Troy is willing to potentially reach out with Shane which I feel illustrates that Troy probably was just like, a standard dudebro asshole saying faggot and making homophobic jokes.

There was a fic I read awhile ago that I liked that actually gave Shane some Troy-like qualities that I really appreciated. Shane in that fic was struggling to get to know the Centaurs and he tried to get to know them once by making a chirp that was vaguely sexist and everyone sorta just awkwardly brushed it off. I really like the idea that Shane also was vaguely misogynistic and homophobic as well. Like nowhere near as bad as Troy but Shane definitely isn’t super woke as personally I feel one of the reasons why professional sports has such few queer people is because dealing with a homophobic environment becomes too much to deal with so you leave.

Like I didn’t do sports cause I didn’t like them yeah but also I vividly remember despising the culture. I hated the overt masculinity being forced upon me.

And I’m sure even golden boy Shane has had to bend a little to survive the misogynistic and homophobic environment. Like he definitely at the very least fake chuckled to a not very politically correct joke. Like even woke.ca diva me has awkwardly laughed at an inappropriate joke because now and then was not the time/the person wasn’t worth the conversation. Like I’m not going to explain to drunk stranger on the subway about why what they said was inappropriate.