i also recently have felt incredibly confused about what i want to do in life. i have so many ideas floating around in my head of paths that i could take from here. especially because im so young, i could just go off anywhere and do anything. my main want is to go somewhere far away, like south east asia or australia and just explore and just have like a small online art buisness so i can get by and go and volunteer at animal shelters and live so freely. maybe pick up a couple of odd jobs here and there. my issue with that is that i dont think i would be able to travel alone, i get so overwhelmed and so anxious that i would have to have a friend with me. but i cant drag someone along just for the hell of it. also no one ever told me how incredibly hard and frustrating it is to try and save up. you think youre doing well and then all of a sudden its christmas and youre having to buy presents for everyone and then you have really little work because no one wants to go to a cafe thats facing the seafront in the middle of winter in england. so you have to spend your savings on all sorts of shite. oh and not to mention im incredibly impulsive too which really doesnt help.
my next idea was to move to london, my parents have friends up there who could probably help me with a job in a bar or a cafe. i could find a shared living space and just be like proper skint a lot. im also incredibly interested in drag performance and i was told that in london theres a 6 week drag school that you can attend, which sounds like a dream. and id have my side bar job so i wouldnt be struggling too much.... but performance and extravagant costumes and make up and personalities just entices me because its always been what i would be if i wasnt held back by an undying shyness. seeing a drag show is what inspired me to buy a wig for the first time and try more make up skills which, when im all dressed up i feel like all of that shyness is tucked under the carpet. like i can be this whole side of myself ive always wanted to be. so yeah, drag shool really speaks to me.
but travelling.
but also just stability of staying close.
but also my boyfriend really wants to convert a van and go around britain and europe which also sounds fucking amazing and i want to do that as well but like, commitment to a person is hard and having to live with them and also the money it would cost to revamp a van and travel so much. i would again have to find some kind of side buisness while we travel.
its alright for most men cause they can travel with no worry of being killed or kidnapped and they can find labouring jobs pretty easily too. just frustrating.
oh, and i also could just go to uni and go down that path.
its all a bit too complicated for me
